Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's the emotional issues that are hell. The disappointment that this relationship you thought was going to last forever isn't. The hurt that your spouse is gone. The fear of loneliness and what the future holds. The insecurity of wondering if anyone else will find you attractive and will you be able to find another relationship? The anger that you have to start over, often later in life. And the big one how do you start over when you are going through so much?
Perfectly said. Too bad you had to spew the unnecessary rhetoric in the beginning... but I can't argue that your bottom line is great!
You are so way off base here. When my husband and I separtated, every aspect of my life was scrutinized. They held things like my having yelled at my kids before against me while my husband was presented as the sainted father in spite of his drinking and a psychiatrist stating he, emotionally, used our daughter (had to do with the drinking).
I was looked down upon because I work for a living while my husband considered a good provider (even though I out earned him). He plans the divorce with our 11 year old and he's daddy of the year (she's still in need of thearpy over that one) and I get chastized because I yelled at her when she didn't clean her room.
Don't even tell me the courts favor the woman. They don't.
Having read many of your posts over time, i'm certain there's a few minor details you're leaving out..ROFLMAO! Like perhaps a murder investigation, and your involvement with al-quida. You are fighting this from the minority opinion! Like 99%-1%
You are so way off base here. When my husband and I separtated, every aspect of my life was scrutinized. They held things like my having yelled at my kids before against me while my husband was presented as the sainted father in spite of his drinking and a psychiatrist stating he, emotionally, used our daughter (had to do with the drinking).
I was looked down upon because I work for a living while my husband considered a good provider (even though I out earned him). He plans the divorce with our 11 year old and he's daddy of the year (she's still in need of thearpy over that one) and I get chastized because I yelled at her when she didn't clean her room.
Don't even tell me the courts favor the woman. They don't.
Let's not feign ignorance here. Courts favor the women. You taking your individual case and presenting as the base evidence for country-wide activity is as inane as me saying "I've drunk alcohol before.. even drove after drinking.. and I've never killed anyone or developed liver disease, so that's all bunk!!"
The majority of women received the children. Even before working women were common in society. They often got the primary domicile. And the vehicle. Why? Partly because they were the instrumental parent in raising the child, women are considered more nurturing, the guy had a job (and therefore could re-establish things faster than the woman), etc.
For everytime you provide your point on a woman getting screwed in a divorce, I could provide at least 5 for a guy. I don't think it was even appropriate or intelligent to rebut it in here.
Rathagos he(her ex) may be free from the bondage of her, but unfortunetly we're punching bags in here to her. I'm picturing a morning drinker missing keys on the keyboard left and right while trying to figure out how to spell alcoholic to describe her husband.
Having read many of your posts over time, i'm certain there's a few minor details you're leaving out..ROFLMAO! Like perhaps a murder investigation, and your involvement with al-quida. You are fighting this from the minority opinion! Like 99%-1%
Actually, no. I live in a father's right county. Joint custody is assumed unless one party can prove the other unfit. I was caught off guard by the petty things they called me on given I had to get two court orders regarding child welfare put in place to guarantee my kids were ok with him. It was like once the court took care of an issue, he was golden again. Stuff he did they ignored blew me away. Like taking our 11 year old out to help him pick out furniture for his new apartment BEFORE he even told me he was leaving. She still has issues due to being asked to keep that secret from me.
One thing I know for sure is the courts do not have children's best interest in mind. Children, here, are treated like an asset to be evenly divided between parents unless you can prove one parent unfit.
Let's not feign ignorance here. Courts favor the women. You taking your individual case and presenting as the base evidence for country-wide activity is as inane as me saying "I've drunk alcohol before.. even drove after drinking.. and I've never killed anyone or developed liver disease, so that's all bunk!!"
The majority of women received the children. Even before working women were common in society. They often got the primary domicile. And the vehicle. Why? Partly because they were the instrumental parent in raising the child, women are considered more nurturing, the guy had a job (and therefore could re-establish things faster than the woman), etc.
For everytime you provide your point on a woman getting screwed in a divorce, I could provide at least 5 for a guy. I don't think it was even appropriate or intelligent to rebut it in here.
No they don't. The majority of women get the kids because the father doesn't want them. If the father wants custody, there's no reason he won't get joint custody. What is hard to get is full custody. That takes proving your spouse unfit and then some. With two psychiatrists and a substance abuse expert all calling my husband an alcoholic, the best I could do was make him take a breatalizer test before he picked up the kids. He was still entitled to his kids and was given the, default, joint custody. Here kids are treated like property to be equally divided between parents if they both want them but I have to say that in many cases the dad simply did not want custody.
I would have won in the end but the measures I would have had to have gone to were rediculous. I had to order opening of our daughters psychiatric treatment files to show that her emotional issues stemmed from her father not me (he was sure it was me and did his best to convince the courts of that and the only defense I had was opening her records and our marriage counseling records). Twice I had to go to court to get measures put in place to protect the kids yet they smacked my hand for yelling at my daughter when she didn't clean her room while he did things like involve them in his dating life just weeks after leaving.
Dont' tell me they favor moms. They do not. In fact, they look down on us if we work for a living. Dad's, on the other hand, are assumed to be saints if they show up to court and actually want to see their kids. I was told over and over that I should consider myself lucky he wasn't a dead beat dad. Under the circumstances, I would have considered myself lucky if he had been. He'll be a long time earning his children's trust as a result of all that happened. He'll never have mine again. That boat sailed and sank. There will always be a part of me that expects him to walk out at any time and, someday, he will. Probably after the kids are out of the house.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 12-30-2008 at 09:18 AM..
Actually, no. I live in a father's right county. Joint custody is assumed unless one party can prove the other unfit. I was caught off guard by the petty things they called me on given I had to get two court orders regarding child welfare put in place to guarantee my kids were ok with him. It was like once the court took care of an issue, he was golden again. Stuff he did they ignored blew me away. Like taking our 11 year old out to help him pick out furniture for his new apartment BEFORE he even told me he was leaving. She still has issues due to being asked to keep that secret from me.
One thing I know for sure is the courts do not have children's best interest in mind. Children, here, are treated like an asset to be evenly divided between parents unless you can prove one parent unfit.
While the above mentioned(in blue) thing is not nice at all, if it's true, IT ISN'T ILLEGAL! It won't be perceived as child abuse, and won't be looked upon like you see it!!! You definetly have a problem understanding the difference. I've picked that up from your posts.
The other thing is while the entirety of your issues with your husband may add up to Holocaust level, in your mind, from all the accusations I've read it's all petty stuff. There is no hitting, no sexual abuse, no endangerment...and the kid DID KEEP IT A SECRET FROM YOU! eVER WONDER WHY? SINCE YOUR MOM OF THE YEAR?
And i'm willing to accept and believe there are abused women who need protecting, more than a few..You're exactly what I was talking about to you it's an absolute, like somebody else offered your percieved injustice makes all males guilty..."No they're not paying enough, they're all abusers, don'tcha know!, evil, evil, everysingle damn one of them, they should all be cas*rated!"
While the above mentioned(in blue) thing is not nice at all, if it's true, IT ISN'T ILLEGAL! It won't be perceived as child abuse, and won't be looked upon like you see it!!! You definetly have a problem understanding the difference. I've picked that up from your posts.
The other thing is while the entirety of your issues with your husband may add up to Holocaust level, in your mind, from all the accusations I've read it's all petty stuff. There is no hitting, no sexual abuse, no endangerment...and the kid DID KEEP IT A SECRET FROM YOU! eVER WONDER WHY? SINCE YOUR MOM OF THE YEAR?
You're correct, it's not illegal but it hurt a child!!! Good fathers don't use their kids like this. The psychaitrists labeled what he did to our daughter "emotional incest" (Which is why the records were being opened in court. Even the court couldn't ignore that diganosis.). He used her as his crutch to get him through leaving his family.
When children are pitted against one parent by the other, they often do not know how to respond. It is a position a child should NEVER be put in.. How dare you suggest it's because I'm a bad mom. She was 11. She lacked the emotional ability to deal with the situation. By the time this came to light, she had come to view herself as my replacement in her fathers eyes. She's undergone countless hours of therapy because of this and is, finally, making progress. And NONE of her issues are attributed to me. They're all attributed to what her father did though they do create problems with her relationship with me that must be worked on. How dare you?
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 12-30-2008 at 09:31 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It was like once the court took care of an issue, he was golden again. Stuff he did they ignored blew me away. Like taking our 11 year old out to help him pick out furniture for his new apartment BEFORE he even told me he was leaving. She still has issues due to being asked to keep that secret from me.
When children are pitted against one parent by the other, they often do not know how to respond. It is a position a child should NEVER be put in.
