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The moral of the story: yes, it's probably true that most married men who promise the other woman they're going to leave the wife and marry the new gal are not being true. But it is not the case in all situations. Sometimes men will leave a lackluster marriage because they have found someone else they truly love. It happens.
Well, it's like the exception to every rule, prof... Yes, it might happen occasionally, but more often than not it doesn't. And particularly not when the phrase "I'll leave her when Johnny gets out of preschool, middle school, university" enters the picture.
You may have your reasons for wanting to cheat and they may be justified. But if you are unhappy in your marriage, make efforts to fix it or make preparations to end it. If you can justify ending your marriage to be with someone else, you can justify ending it because you don't want to be in it. The result is the same, your family is going to be broken up regardless.
So, you decided to do it, okay. He's taking too long. The fact remains that he is still married. He still has a family. He may have never had any intention of leaving his wife. Maybe she knew about you, maybe she didn't. Regardless of what his intentions were, YOU had no right to go there with his wife. You knew he was married when you met him, that has not changed. If you are arguing to the point that you called to tell her what his "real" intentions were, you are aware to some degree that he may not be leaving her. But you just gave him a reason to bail on you.
If he has asked you to leave him for good, do it. He may never tell you the truth about why; what you did may not even be that big a deal but he is going to ride that trespass for all it's worth. His kids may be a part of it, his wife may be, the point is that you are not. Accept that it is not going to happen, work on your marriage or walk away and find someone available so you can both give 100%, if that is what you want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pikachu67
i just turned 40, have a child and stuck in a loveless and useless marriage for 14 years. 2 years ago, i met a wonderful married man. we hit it off immediately and have so much in common, it is unbelievable. we believe we found our soul mates. we are so much in love and cared about each other sincerely. we were planning to share a life together after we've made our divorces final. unfortunately, although his wife is aware that he is seeing me, his side has been delayed due to his children who are undergoing their final exams in 2 years time. until then, he has no heart to break his family to ensure his children do not suffer the ordeal of divorcing their mom while they are still studying for their exams. we talked about this many times and i had believed him to be sincere and genuine. i do not doubt his love for me is real even to this day. he promised me never to leave me even if his wife refuses to divorce him, he will still live with me in future. i knew we just had to wait.
Recently, we had a big fight where i revealed to the wife the extent of our relationship. it got to him so bad that he broke off with me, there and then without hesitation.
why did he change so suddenly? i told him with this happening, i will still be there for him to wait for him till he settled everything but now he seems to want to go back to the wife instead of wanting me to wait. in other words, he has asked me to leave him for good because he is so confused and cannot bear to put his children in this agony.
what should i do? should i hang on and wait for him or walk away from all this? we had so much going, i cannot imagine life without him. please tell me what to do? has anyone been in a similar situation who can advise me? i would also like to hear success stories on such relationships, not just the negative ones (the ones with bad endings) but good endings or are these relationships just doomed to fail? would appreciate your thoughts.
i just turned 40, have a child and stuck in a loveless and useless marriage for 14 years. 2 years ago, i met a wonderful married man. we hit it off immediately and have so much in common, it is unbelievable. we believe we found our soul mates. we are so much in love and cared about each other sincerely. we were planning to share a life together after we've made our divorces final. unfortunately, although his wife is aware that he is seeing me, his side has been delayed due to his children who are undergoing their final exams in 2 years time. until then, he has no heart to break his family to ensure his children do not suffer the ordeal of divorcing their mom while they are still studying for their exams. we talked about this many times and i had believed him to be sincere and genuine. i do not doubt his love for me is real even to this day. he promised me never to leave me even if his wife refuses to divorce him, he will still live with me in future. i knew we just had to wait.
Recently, we had a big fight where i revealed to the wife the extent of our relationship. it got to him so bad that he broke off with me, there and then without hesitation.
why did he change so suddenly? i told him with this happening, i will still be there for him to wait for him till he settled everything but now he seems to want to go back to the wife instead of wanting me to wait. in other words, he has asked me to leave him for good because he is so confused and cannot bear to put his children in this agony.
what should i do? should i hang on and wait for him or walk away from all this? we had so much going, i cannot imagine life without him. please tell me what to do? has anyone been in a similar situation who can advise me? i would also like to hear success stories on such relationships, not just the negative ones (the ones with bad endings) but good endings or are these relationships just doomed to fail? would appreciate your thoughts.
Move on - this man belongs to his family and has chosen them over you - get over it already.
Well, well, well... new people don't live here... at least not at first!
Can't I hope??? Threads like this make me sick...can't help but think this woman is going to get her a** kicked by an angry wife...can't say she doesn't have it coming!
There is one thing that some women don't seem to get, and that is how important loyalty is to most men. Regardless of the fact that he was cheating on his wife, the OP was cheating on her husband to be with this guy. Do you think he ever wants to be put in that position? Given the length of time this has gone on, the amount of sneaking and lying that has to have occurred, I think it would be a cold day in Hell before he'd divorce his wife and turn around to marry her. Any excuse will do; why should he respect her? And yes, I know that he's no better - but that's not how the thought process goes.
Can't I hope??? Threads like this make me sick...can't help but think this woman is going to get her a** kicked by an angry wife...can't say she doesn't have it coming!
Okay, this is something that has always bugged me. Why does SHE deserve to have her a** kicked by an angry wife? SHE didn't take a vow with the woman, HE DID. Why is the OW the one who deserves the a** whooping? I would think HE deserves his a** kicked by her. This woman deserves her a** whooping from her own husband. You know the person she took the vow with.
It's a pet peeve of mine to call the OW a home wrecker when she's not the one who took a vow with his wife and likely didn't know he was married when they met (though in this case she did know she was marred )
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. I must've misread something. When posters write an essay I just tend to go over it and not read the whole thing.
