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Legally it was not rape. It was consensual sex. BL21 was drunk, but according to the OP, she was with it enough to understand what was happening and decide to go along with it. According to the law books:
"The crime of rape (or "first-degree sexual assault" in some states) generally refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed by physical force, threat of injury, or other duress. A lack of consent can include the victim's inability to say "no" to intercourse, due to the effects of drugs or alcohol. Rape can occur when the offender and victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called "date rape"), or even when the offender is the victim's spouse." (Lawyer, Lawyers, Attorney, Attorneys, Law, Legal Information - FindLaw).
Yes, she admits to having alcohol, but from the description I'd still say it sounds like she was "with it" enough to choose to consent. So, it isn't rape or sexual assault even. Is it creepy...for both of them, yes. I'm not a guy so I won't speak for them, but I have to imagine that they enjoy it if the other person is responding and playing an active role. For BL21 to pretend to be asleep/out that creeps me out a bit. When I'm having sex I want to participate, not just be a tool to be used for someone else's gratification.
In my opinion, this was not rape. You did not resist or protest his advances. You were half awake and faking sleep you say and wanted to see how far he would go.
Well, rape might be a strong word. Once, many years ago, in my first marriage, we were in bed after a party and pretty drunk. My husband was making sexual overtures and I was half faking sleep-half in a drunken stupor. Anyway, I was completely unresponsive. He proceeded to continue as though I was totally conscious. I continued to fake sleep curious to see how far he would take this. Sure enough, he had intercourse with me.
I never said anything about this to him partly because I felt responsible. After all, I was kind of faking. But, I have always remembered it and it always gave me the creeps.
Have any of you men done this? How do you feel about it? Ladies, ever have this happen? Or, has it ever happened that you really were passed out and found out after the fact?
..........you should have the creeps , you gave your self the creeps.........does this happen often? When do drink, what if neighbor ..........never mind
I agree with the general consensus that since you were aware of the situation and did not protest, it was not rape, I would even go so far as to call your simply laying there knowing what he was doing and his goal, consent. It would have never crossed my mind to come close to calling his actions rape. I would also rule out sexual assault for the same reason.
If he hadn't been drunk I would call what he did creepy, but being drunk can severly impair one's judgement.
I wouldn't call it rape either. You were aware of what he was doing and didn't protest. Maybe it was "attempted rape" since he didn't know you were awake.
No, I've never done it. My late wife gave me the green light to have my way with her anytime she was sleeping. She said she'd either sleep through it, in which case it wouldn't matter, or she'd wake up and enjoy it. I preferred to wake her first.
My current wife told me if she ever awoke to such a thing I'd know how John Wayne Bobbit felt. I prefer not knowing.
OUCH..............................i wonder what happened to Lorena???.........................................
"No means no" Did the OP say no at any time and was she able to say no? Was the OP aware of what was going on? I think if a wife is mentally sharp enough to pretend sleep and test her husband to see how far he will take marital relations with her, she is aware enough to say no. Rape is a crime of violence. The perpetrator uses force over the victim. The rapist has the power and the victim is powerless. I think the OP had consensual relations with her husband and it was her option not to put her back into it. No disrespect intended, but the OP should give her X a break... at least in this under those particular circumstances.
He proceeded to continue as though I was totally conscious.
Had you pretended to be conscious would you have said no?
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Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
I continued to fake sleep curious to see how far he would take this. Sure enough, he had intercourse with me.
Still don't see a NO in there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
I have always remembered it and it always gave me the creeps.
You married him........some women fantasize about it......at least he didn't bring a friend in with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
Have any of you men done this?
To a woman who pretended to be asleep? Of course. Just as I've been awakened by my wife with a bj on my birthday......it isn't rape, it is just fun and nice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitterific
If you were actually unconscious and he did it without your consent- that would be rape.
Nonsense. They were married. Apparently they had exclusive sex on a regular basis. You cannot give or withhold consent if you are unconscious so you have to go on past history. One of the implied agreements in getting married is access to the others body. However, even being married, if she had been saying "No" for the prior three months then it might be construed as rape........but if that was the case she should have moved to another room or house. Had it been a first date and she passed out, and he nailed her, it would be rape. Had they been having consensual sex for weeks or months prior to her passing out and he had no reason to believe it would be denied had she been sober, it isn't rape. It might be inconsiderate, but it isn't rape.
Based on my experience in former work, and having heard from a number of women about this, what your husband did can be considered rape. I would have said it was rape based on the intoxicating effects of alcohol. Impaired is impaired, and in some states, an impaired person cannot provide consent. Impaired does not have to equal unconscious. This is similar to adult dependent persons (developmentally disabled) being impaired and unable to give consent. Also, the absence of protesting does not equal consent. Throwing money at a prostitute to have sex with her doesn't imply consent either, and yes, a prostitute can be raped. Married persons do not automatically have access to one another's body. There's nothing implicit about it. There are marital rape laws on the books, but last I read, few who went through with prosecution. Force is going without consent. Walking onto someone's property is not forceful, but it is still trespassing. Check the state laws and local rape crisis centers for the regional interpretation of the same.
There was a gal I was friends with for several years. Nice gal, looked after me at work, etc. Dual personality though. Once she started drinking she was like a tiger and would have sex with a lamppost if she could. There were many times she woke up not knowing how many she had slept with or with who. I know she would sometimes have a few men at a time. I was probably one of the few at work she never slept with at some point because I had put barriers up early on.
Quite obviously she is stupid, but as I understand from friends she is still up to the same deal. Is what happens to her considered rape? I don't think so.
There are sometimes women that get randomly attacked or forced. I call that rape.
On the other hand, we have to have an element of personal responsibility so if you are going out and getting plastered and then something happens with another smashed person, and then you have regrets, I don't call that rape. Too drunks half passed out in bed and one rolls over and sticks his pinky in, I don't call that rape.
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I prefer not knowing.
