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Well, rape might be a strong word. Once, many years ago, in my first marriage, we were in bed after a party and pretty drunk. My husband was making sexual overtures and I was half faking sleep-half in a drunken stupor. Anyway, I was completely unresponsive. He proceeded to continue as though I was totally conscious. I continued to fake sleep curious to see how far he would take this. Sure enough, he had intercourse with me.
I never said anything about this to him partly because I felt responsible. After all, I was kind of faking. But, I have always remembered it and it always gave me the creeps.
Have any of you men done this? How do you feel about it? Ladies, ever have this happen? Or, has it ever happened that you really were passed out and found out after the fact?
I think you bringing this up in your second marriage and such is odd.
You are dealing with some issues.
Something had to trigger this...you have to find out what.
Personally, you laying there faking is a form of dishonesty. You are the one that is blowing this up to be a big thing.
I had a friend tell me his girlfriend came home one night drunk as a skunk. Rolled on him and woke him up flirting around. Then she passed out. He said to me, "Well, she woke me up and started it so I finished it." She knew the next night and was telling him he was a pig.
Since you were both wasted I don't see how you can put the blame on him. He probably couldn't remember if you were awake or not. Who cares!! He's your ex-husband. Move on.
So you turned yourself into a social experiment and now you're wondering if it was rape. You sound like one of these people who WANTS to label themselves a victim for whatever disturbed reason. Quit playing silly games like this.
FYI, this thread is from December 2008, and Book Lover's last post on CD was in May 2009. I don't think she hears you. This thread was recently revived by a similar post a page or two back.
FYI, this thread is from December 2008, and Book Lover's last post on CD was in May 2009. I don't think she hears you. This thread was recently revived by a similar post a page or two back.
GAH! Hate it when that happens. Usually I try to look at the date but the subject line on this one pulled me in.
FYI, this thread is from December 2008, and Book Lover's last post on CD was in May 2009. I don't think she hears you. This thread was recently revived by a similar post a page or two back.
Yeah, I saw that...although I wasn't replying specifically to OP, as much as to the whole situation and frankly the posters who for some reason were convinced that OP's situation was creepy. OP is creepy, that much I can tell.
If you were actually unconscious and he did it without your consent- that would be rape.
The sad thing is, I have heard men giving each other props for doing things like that- having sex without waiting for their partner to wake up. That is rape, but you can't tell them that of course.
UH! No in no State does it require a married couple to give consent for intercourse. The only thing it does differintiate is when one married individual tells the other "NO" that's the key word folks no.
Any court or jury would assume if the wife/husband were asleep and their married spouse indeed did have intercourse w/ them it would be consentual.
Sure the mere definition of rape would lead someone to believe it would be that way but in all likely hood this never makes it to the DA's office.
The National Center for Victims of Crime - Library/Document Viewer (http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32701 - broken link)
The only thing about the original post which means it is not rape is that the OP was awake, and conscious, and allowed him to proceed.
that is implied consent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chanceryan
UH! No in no State does it require a married couple to give consent for intercourse. The only thing it does differintiate is when one married individual tells the other "NO" that's the key word folks no.
Any court or jury would assume if the wife/husband were asleep and their married spouse indeed did have intercourse w/ them it would be consentual.
Sure the mere definition of rape would lead someone to believe it would be that way but in all likely hood this never makes it to the DA's office.
The National Center for Victims of Crime - Library/Document Viewer (http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32701 - broken link)
The only thing about the original post which means it is not rape is that the OP was awake, and conscious, and allowed him to proceed.
that is implied consent.
Bob, I'm no lawyer, but the cases you link are extreme. The "sleep rapist" was merely dating that woman. Whatever the doctor did, it horrified the judge, plus he staged and photographed the scenes. Your sexual abuse link does talk about marital rape, but couches it in behaviors such as abuse and domineering. We have no idea whether that kind of stuff was part of the picture.
Ethically, I'm with Urban Sasquatch on this. Unless there's some reason for one spouse to believe that sex is a "no," I think the "yes" is implied. Drugging your wife, inserting things into her and taking pictures? That's atypical. I think what many couples go through is just opportunistic. Sure, it might be "weird" or "gross" to some, but I wouldn't call it a CRIME, certainly nothing that a typical spouse would go to jail for. And if the spouse wakes up and says, "Uh, yuck, don't do that again," then there's the "no."
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