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It does sound like he is controlling. This is a VERY difficult situation for you I am sure. If you could get someone, anyone to talk some sense into this guy it would be great, however, I have known many of these types of men throughout my life (I'm a man but I can't stand to see a woman abused).
And he IS abusing you, if what you are saying is true.
The best scenario would be for you and he to get counseling, but if he's not willing to go to counseling then it's a moot point.
You should do all you can for yourself and your children. I'm not an advocate for divorce, but when it comes down to him ruling over you and your children, you have to do what is best for yourself if he is not even willing to listen.
Work out, get in shape, treat yourself right CountryLuvinWoman1. It sounds like you are a great wife and a good Mother that has done her best to do what is right.
I wish you nothing but the very best in this New Year.
I know you do Dear, and you are so very welcome. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. BTW, at 37 you are still a VERY young woman and have a full life ahead of you.
I sincerely hope that your husband can see the error of his ways; there IS hope for that and don't give up. Still, you have to do what is best for yourself and your children.
People change, and sometimes for the better. You can hope and pray that your husband does so; I encourage you to do that and I pray that he soon sees the error of his ways.
In the meantime, you must also look out for yourself and your children. Call it a contingency plan if you will.
Take care of yourself, seek advice from professionals, and above all believe in yourself. You aren't some object to be treated this way - you are a living, breathing, intelligent person that deserves to be treated with respect, kindness, and trust.
We aren't married. We were but I left once and divorced him. He has tried to get me to marry him again but I have refused. I knew it would be the death of me if I did..mentally.
I will call and see if I can get counseling if anything it will help me prepare myself and my children. Thank you all for giving me such good advice.
Countryluvinwoman,
You might want to seek counseling for yourself and for your children. the right counseling does help you get past all the issues. Even though the behavior may not be on your part, it does have an impact on you, and you need to put it behind you to get on with your life, whether you stay with him or not. Sorry you are going through this. It is scarey to be on your own after sharing your life with another person, and sometimes it gets so hard, but, boy, can it be worth the effort.
I would love to find someone to talk to. I think that would help alot. Exspecially with how to deal with sharing our son. That is my biggest problem in leaving.
Where do I even begin. I guess getting a job would be a start.
Getting a job might be the first step you should take. Sometimes getting out and around other people changes the situation at home - for the better. Either way get a job and then sharing your son might not be as much an issue either because you will need the free time.
Gosh, his anger bothers me, as does his attempt to control, but I don't want to come on too strongly one way or the other since I'm not there. For me, there was a moment in time when we were on a day trip to a nature preserve and he was screaming at me in the car about something bizarre and inconsequential and I said to myself "I'm 35 and for some reason I am sitting here allowing this - but I don't want to be sitting in this same seat when I am 40 or 50 or 60 (and I know he would be doing just the same thing)." But it's cumulative - it depends on the impacts - physical and psychological - on you and all involved; it depends on how open he is to discussion and how much you have tried so far.
Seems that if he were the type to listen to her concerns she wouldnt be on here venting. Sounds like she's just about had enough.
I agree I need to talk to someone. My self esteem is non existent anymore. It upsets me to think I let someone do this to me. I used to could walk in a room like I owned the place, now I go in wishing I could sneak in. When we split up little by little I had started feeling good about myself. I had got a job and lost my weight instantly because I no longer had him on me. Me and the kids got to do things. WE went to the park, to the movies, on walks, sightseeing, out to eat. We did so many things. I came back and we have done nothing. We all go back into wondering why we even exist at times. But me and my girls hated my son being gone. It made us so sad. But we are coming to the realization that maybe this isn't the best for him. That it will be hard when he goes to his dad but when he is with us he will be around alot happier and well rounded people.
I do know we need to get some counseling or something. Because I'm dealing with alot of hurts and I know it has affected them as well. But I know that as hard as it will be I need to take that step and get out. If I ever do decide to be with someone again I want it to be with someone that really trully loves me and my kids and realizes taht the simple things are really what counts. But for now I need to get me to where I need to be.
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