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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:11 PM
 
732 posts, read 1,235,858 times
Reputation: 690
Default So I get along with my ex-husband-get over it??!

My ex husband and I have been divorced for 4 years. We have 2 children together and he is actively involved. Here's how I see it. I have to be in contact with the guy- I can either hate on him or make the best of the situation. Either way he isn't falling off the planet anytime soon.

This week he had the kids all week and extended an invitation for me to have lunch with him, his girlfriend, and the kids so that I would get a chance to see them. I accepted. It was actually a nice time. I got to know his girlfriend-and heck, I even like her.I figure we are all on the same team trying to raise 2 productive citizens. I have a home with my SO and am engaged and obviously the ex has moved on, but when we exchange kids-they are always welcome 2 come in and visit and they feel like wise. I can now appreciate his good qualities since his bad ones aren't my problem.

I mentioned this to my co workers-who are also divorced parents and they feel this is not healthy behavior and think that it is a sign of not moving on. They believe that my fiance and I have our own lives, our own friends (which we do)and that my ex should remain in the past and that I should only have minimal child centered conversation with him.

I disagree- they say this-but these 2 women probably spend 6 hours a workday bashing their ex husbands. Its exhausting just listening 2 it! Talk about moving on.... Anyways, my ??- do any of you have this sort of relationship with an ex spouse-and do people look at you like you are some sort of alien??
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:15 PM
 
16,200 posts, read 14,576,040 times
Reputation: 15811
I think it is absolutely healthy behavior and if my ex would do it it is what I would also prefer.

Instead he has to be a jerk. He was ok in the beginning I am thinking because he thought there may be a chance of us getting back together.

Even now people are telling me I have to be mean and get tough. I don't. Doesn't matter what he does or has done. people think I am crazy for it but I really don't wanna put my energy into being a mean person. I just want to move on with my life.

I think what you are doing is a good thing and is healthy for your kids. If your co workers don't like it, guess what? Not your problem. They can get over it, it is your life.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
14,956 posts, read 22,783,559 times
Reputation: 11926
If I am single again, I would prefer to have a very amicable relationship with my ex. I don't like fighting and to be honest, if I am single again it will be because I am not marriage material. I can't fault him for that. I would rather my kids see their parents getting along instead of at each other's throats like wild animals.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 8,730,366 times
Reputation: 3585
You are doing the absolute best thing for your kids. There is nothing wrong with having a positive relationship with an ex...especially if you have children with them.

Don't let these spiteful, hateful women (who are the type that make men avoid marriage) tell you wha tyou are doing is wrong. They are simply jealous because they are so full of spit and vinegar that they can't have what you do.

YOU GO, GIRL!
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:20 PM
 
Location: So Cal
21,833 posts, read 15,276,011 times
Reputation: 20257
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOEM1226 View Post
My ex husband and I have been divorced for 4 years. We have 2 children together and he is actively involved. Here's how I see it. I have to be in contact with the guy- I can either hate on him or make the best of the situation. Either way he isn't falling off the planet anytime soon.

This week he had the kids all week and extended an invitation for me to have lunch with him, his girlfriend, and the kids so that I would get a chance to see them. I accepted. It was actually a nice time. I got to know his girlfriend-and heck, I even like her.I figure we are all on the same team trying to raise 2 productive citizens. I have a home with my SO and am engaged and obviously the ex has moved on, but when we exchange kids-they are always welcome 2 come in and visit and they feel like wise. I can now appreciate his good qualities since his bad ones aren't my problem.

I mentioned this to my co workers-who are also divorced parents and they feel this is not healthy behavior and think that it is a sign of not moving on. They believe that my fiance and I have our own lives, our own friends (which we do)and that my ex should remain in the past and that I should only have minimal child centered conversation with him.

I disagree- they say this-but these 2 women probably spend 6 hours a workday bashing their ex husbands. Its exhausting just listening 2 it! Talk about moving on.... Anyways, my ??- do any of you have this sort of relationship with an ex spouse-and do people look at you like you are some sort of alien??
Reminds me of the sitcom "The new adventures of old Christine"
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:27 PM
 
732 posts, read 1,235,858 times
Reputation: 690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Reminds me of the sitcom "The new adventures of old Christine"
That's not the 1st time someone has told me that, perhaps I will have to watch it.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Indiana
591 posts, read 841,834 times
Reputation: 410
I can promise you you are doing right. My girls dad and I always got along. We made better friends than we did husband and wife. Well he passed away almost two years ago..and my girls tell me on a regular basis that they loved it that he and I got along. That it made it so much easier having divorced parents and it even helped when he passed away that they knew that I looked at him as my friend, they said it helped them deal with his death better knowing that I had cared for him in that way as well.
I think it's GREAT that you get along with the father of your children.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:31 PM
 
2,247 posts, read 1,915,374 times
Reputation: 1536
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOEM1226 View Post
My ex husband and I have been divorced for 4 years. We have 2 children together and he is actively involved. Here's how I see it. I have to be in contact with the guy- I can either hate on him or make the best of the situation. Either way he isn't falling off the planet anytime soon.

This week he had the kids all week and extended an invitation for me to have lunch with him, his girlfriend, and the kids so that I would get a chance to see them. I accepted. It was actually a nice time. I got to know his girlfriend-and heck, I even like her.I figure we are all on the same team trying to raise 2 productive citizens. I have a home with my SO and am engaged and obviously the ex has moved on, but when we exchange kids-they are always welcome 2 come in and visit and they feel like wise. I can now appreciate his good qualities since his bad ones aren't my problem.

I mentioned this to my co workers-who are also divorced parents and they feel this is not healthy behavior and think that it is a sign of not moving on. They believe that my fiance and I have our own lives, our own friends (which we do)and that my ex should remain in the past and that I should only have minimal child centered conversation with him.

I disagree- they say this-but these 2 women probably spend 6 hours a workday bashing their ex husbands. Its exhausting just listening 2 it! Talk about moving on.... Anyways, my ??- do any of you have this sort of relationship with an ex spouse-and do people look at you like you are some sort of alien??
It sounds like you and your ex have created a wonderful environment for your children to thrive in. Great job!
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Unread 01-02-2009, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Back Home In TN…YAY:):)
15,364 posts, read 14,207,351 times
Reputation: 70409
I think it is fantastic for all of you. You are all very mature and decent people. It is so healthy for your children. Good for you and don't listen to those other bitties at work. They just need something to bitc* about.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 08:01 PM
 
39,265 posts, read 38,683,801 times
Reputation: 11416
I agree with you;when you have children there is always a tie. It is much better to come finally come to terms and raise the children the best you both can. Your Friends at work are more the type that never come to terms with a divorce.I know several people that got divorced and the one that came tpo terms and got over the divorce are much more successful and happy. Those that never got over it are always effected negatively.There are classes designed just for people like your co-workers.
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