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Old 01-03-2009, 09:29 PM
6 posts, read 31,391 times
Reputation: 10


Hi everyone,

Im trying to get some perspective on a rapidly worsening situation. I apologize in advance for the length but Here goes:Back in September I met the most amazing guy. We clicked right away, have the same goals, same temperament, work well together and have the most amazing chemistry. You know how they say when you find the one you know? Well thats what it was like for me when I met him.

My boyfriend has a female friend. She apparently is one of his best friends. I had never heard her name mentioned before the first week of December but I didn't care as I didnt have a reason to question it. I had met her and considered her a friend of my own having no problem with their friendship whatsoever. I even suggested we all hang out together since I enjoyed her company so much too.

So naturally my boyfriend and I were invited to the friend's and her twin sister's birthday party about three weeks ago, which was held at a club.The friend is married and has kids while the sister is single. As per my boyfriend while he has heard many stories about twin he never met her before that night. That evening the liquor was flowing, although I made sure to not get too messed up myself as I was meeting people I never met before. The friend made an inappropriate comment at the club in front of me telling my boyfriend come here let me give you a lapdance and the twin spent most of the night dancing suggestively with my boyfriend. I still didnt freak out. I didnt freak out on the car ride home from the club either when the twin was saying how horny she was and how she hadnt gotten laid in front of my boyfriend. Everyone reconvened at the twins house after the club before going home for the evening. After about 30 minutes one of the partygoers calls my boyfriend and says come on lets go we're leaving, right in front of me. SO I asked him "youre going with them?" Quietly freaked out in my head and left. I then said no this is screwed up we came together, unless we broke up and I didnt know it we should be leaving together. I went back in and asked to speak to him alone and I told him what he did was so disrepectful I never wanted to see him again. Dramatic, I know but thats the way I felt at the time. We made up after that. I apologized for threatening to break up and I understand as an adult you shouldnt say things you dont mean.

The follwing weekend the twin sister had something wrong with her car,or so she claimed and brought it to his house (not the dealer) to have it fixed...coincidentally 30 minutes AFTER I left his house. I was there all weekend and she pops up right after I leave.?? I let that go too.

Since then he started to be hard to reach on the phone and always had some kind of excuse, phone died didnt get the message etc. Things just started to feel off. He said he wasnt mad about the situation at the club and was just stressed about work/business etc. Nonetheless my instinct told me it was something else. He was never this hard to get a hold of before. After not calling me for 2 days we met up for a few hours on christmas eve, I asked him if he was seeing someone else. (He was shifty and kept checking his phone constantly.) He replied "no not at all whatwould make you say that?" I explained how I felt and he assured me everything was ok. I dont hear from him again aside from a TEXT on christmas to say merry christmas. The Friday after Christmas after ignoring me all day again I stopped by his house to ask him what was going on. He swore it was nothing. I knew it wasnt. He lied to myface and said he didnt have his phone on him all day. While I was there he texted someone again around 930-10pm I looked at his phone and there were plenty of texts from the twin. Now they speak polish so I cant read it without translation. I asked what the hell that was about he said..well she likes me but I told her I wouldnt date her. Apparently she hit on him after knowing he has a girlfriend and meeting me. To me...thats grounds for war. Its one thing if you dont know hes taken but to make an advance on a taken man is completely brazen and makes her a wh*re in my eyes.

I freaked. I called her phone and left her a nasty message basically telling her to step off. I called her a wh*re too. (Hey at least Im honest.) I got mad threw his phone, accidentally broke it. Which I know is over the top behavior and I will never do anything like that again.

When cooler heads prevailed I tell the bf this is completely inappropriate after she made a pass at you I would expect you to not pursue a friendship with her anymore. She has disrespected me and the relationship by making a pass at him and I probably cannot forgive that. He comes back at me with "but she is my best friends sister how can I not be friends with her?". Now I understand he would have to see her at mixed gatherings but I dont think she should be calling, texting,or visitng him at home after that display. Since then hes already been to her house once that I know of and lied about it to me. I know this because after a strong gut instinct I passed byher house on New Years Day and found his car there, Im fairly certain there were other people there at the time and dont think he was sleeping with her but nonetheless it was a deep betrayal.

I dont know what to do. I was ready to call it off today...but I dont want to potentially throw away what can otherwise be a really good relationship. He's mad at me for my reaction and the invasion of privacy..he also told me his friends (relatives of the twin) think i am a psycho..and tells me I need to chill out and prove I am not to them. I dont think I need to prove anything to anyone and if anything the twin owes me an apology. I know I handled my response to the situation incorrectly but am I wrong in suggesting he not develop this friendship with this particular girl who he just met 2-3 weeks ago. Or should I just leave? Having her become a part of his life doesnt feel right to me after what she did.

Thanks in advance
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:42 PM
Location: CA
3,469 posts, read 7,146,575 times
Reputation: 4789
The twin may have crossed the line, but he was capable of telling her that, and yet he didn't. He is the one you should have been upset with, not her.
You did react badly (calling her names, etc, just makes you seem irrational & loses your case for you), but if you have to prove you aren't psycho, then he needs to prove he is trustworthy. He has basically been ignoring you, deceiving you, and disregarding your feelings.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd just walk away from the whole thing. This guy isn't worth it.
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:46 PM
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,039,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Inappropriate female friend or Inappropriate Expectations?
inappropriate BF
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:48 PM
13,779 posts, read 23,731,362 times
Reputation: 7409
Your boyfriend was out of line...
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:48 PM
Location: southern california
55,644 posts, read 74,585,953 times
Reputation: 48139
too many players its just you and him or not.
something very attractive about a guy who has a girl, for other women.
very strange.
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:50 PM
458 posts, read 630,761 times
Reputation: 500
Your boyfriend should have nipped it in the bud.
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:52 PM
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,161 posts, read 3,867,964 times
Reputation: 2572
I think the whole thing sounds suspicious. Not being able to get hold of him, and the Merry Christmas TEXT are bad signs. I'd get out of the relationship and find someone who won't cheat on you (which I think he is doing).
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:52 PM
25,971 posts, read 32,970,649 times
Reputation: 32158
I completely agree with the posts above. The twin is not to blame for this, the guy is. And since he did nothing to stop it, that should be a clear sign for you to move on. Quickly.
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Old 01-03-2009, 09:54 PM
4,899 posts, read 16,618,002 times
Reputation: 3822
i am with Orangapple
let this one go. i know you feel like he is the one for you, he is not taking what you have so seriously. he has a foreign language in common with this other girl, and although you may think that is nothing--take it from someone who speaks a foriegn language--it is a BIG deal to the families.
he has just found someone who looks exactly like his best friend and doesnt have to worry about crosiing the best freind line into intimacy--it's "perfect" for him.
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Old 01-03-2009, 10:15 PM
6 posts, read 31,391 times
Reputation: 10
Thanks so much for the feedback so far. You people are wise..

He claims he made it clear to the twin when she came on to him that he was with me and he wouldnt date her either bc he values the friendship with the sister but I think that going to her house and still talking to her, which I am sure he is, doesnt back those words up. I believe in having actions match the words..oh yeah and totally magical point findinghope makes I didnt even think of the whole fact that she is an identical twin to the first friend, very interesting....
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