3 years and the spark is gone? (boyfriend, women, love, husbands)

[gammerus]

We have been together for three and a half years and I have been happy throughout most of it.

But the past few months my boyfriend has been stingy with his affection. I have complained about this a few times because after a while it is rather difficult to be constantly ignored and denied physical affection. I would kiss him, but he would never kiss me back, sometimes it feels like he avoids it. At first I chalked it up to stress because I know he was having a very hard time with his college courses, but it hasn't ceased even after finals were over.

When I talked to him about it he told me he felt kinda smothered so I gave him some space. then he said he felt the relationship was stale, and he felt rather neutral about the whole situation. But he insists he feels fine about the whole thing, but he has pretty much lost his sex drive, and he is just as stingy with his affection. The only difference is that if I ask he will hold my hand

This doesn't help when he constantly talks about how hot other women are, and how much he wants to get physical with them.

I love him more than anything, and I really want to work it out, but I just don't think I have it in me to keep going. I'm getting so annoyed at him for blowing it off and telling me that this is just what happens when you get past a certain time period, and he basically acts like this is how it is going to stay.

(I should also mention that this is my first relationship, as well as his, so this is a learning experience for both of us)

[runrgirl]

Its very hard to take when a relationship has run its course especially if it is your first one. It is especially hard when one person wants to stay and the other is ready to move on. In my opinion that is what sounds like has happened to your relationship and your boyfriend may be afraid to tell you. I would come straight out and ask him and say something like- "I know things haven't been the same between us lately, we are both young and this is our first relationship. I'm getting vibes from you that you may be ready to move on but you're afraid to tell me. Am I right or not? You need to know for sure so if it is not you can get to the bottom of the real problem. To summarize you just need to come right out and ask him what's up even if it will hurt your feelings, at least you will have the truth.

[Plain Jane 3953]

I think you need to face the facts and then move on. We have all been there.

[stepka]

Yes, sometimes a person is ready to move on but not ready to make the first move so they will become emotionally distant in order to "force" their partner's hand. It sounds like that is what is going on here--it's rather cowardly, but it always happens, and then he can blame you for the break up. Don't take it, and don't let guilt detract you from what you need to do.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by gammerus

This doesn't help when he constantly talks about how hot other women are, and how much he wants to get physical with them.

Does someone have to hit you over the head?
The spark is gone, the kindling is gone, the campsite has closed.

[StuckPA]

Men thrive on variety,long term relationships are stifling. I think our spark went out too.

[Tropical Trouble]

I agree that it sounds like it's already over for him, but he doesn't want to hurt you.

I've been there, and this is not something that just happens in a first relationship. 36 year old guys act the same way

[StuckPA]

Even 37...

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by gammerus

We have been together for three and a half years and I have been happy throughout most of it.

But the past few months my boyfriend has been stingy with his affection. I have complained about this a few times because after a while it is rather difficult to be constantly ignored and denied physical affection. I would kiss him, but he would never kiss me back, sometimes it feels like he avoids it. At first I chalked it up to stress because I know he was having a very hard time with his college courses, but it hasn't ceased even after finals were over.

When I talked to him about it he told me he felt kinda smothered so I gave him some space. then he said he felt the relationship was stale, and he felt rather neutral about the whole situation. But he insists he feels fine about the whole thing, but he has pretty much lost his sex drive, and he is just as stingy with his affection. The only difference is that if I ask he will hold my hand

This doesn't help when he constantly talks about how hot other women are, and how much he wants to get physical with them.

I love him more than anything, and I really want to work it out, but I just don't think I have it in me to keep going. I'm getting so annoyed at him for blowing it off and telling me that this is just what happens when you get past a certain time period, and he basically acts like this is how it is going to stay.

(I should also mention that this is my first relationship, as well as his, so this is a learning experience for both of us)

What you need to do is not make a big deal about it. Concentrate on strengthening other areas of your relationship and forget about putting so much pressure on him for physical stuff.

I always recommend the book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger to really improve relationships. I would definitely get in and read it if I were you.

20yrsinBranson

[CESpeed]

I agree that this relationship has run it's course. There's nothing to fix, it's over. You had your first relationship and now it's time for your first break up. Don't worry you'll find someone else.