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As I proceeded along the journey of my life, I learned that loneliness is only a state of mind. Yet, one that can become a detriment to your sanity, but not unlivable if you find the art of living with yourself. At times the art is inconvenient. I discovered this when I found myself trapped in a crowded elevator talking to myself with the eyes around me asking if I knew where I was. For me, it was not a symptom of insanity; I simply had no one but myself to talk to.
At that time in my life, I had to admit that I was lonely. And the loneliness was leading me to doing things that I would not have otherwise done. I did nothing I regret. What I did turned quite interesting, but to this date has left me with only lessons learned. I decided that I should try to become a part of the modern world; a keyboard artist. I joined the world of Internet dating. This lead to experiences I never would have dreamed of. On one of my most entertaining dates, I was so bored through dinner on a boat, that my mind traveled to much more interesting thoughts that evening of sending my date overboard, and not to skinny-dip with me. Thank goodness he had no depth or I might be in jail right now for thoughts of causing him harm.
Then there were the companions with the magic keys. Ah, the pictures they painted with words. I never ever in my wildest fantasies ever knew one, or two things, could be described with so many different adjectives. I decided that I am a naive 40-something-year-old woman and that my wisdom left with the last click of my mouse. I found myself a part of the world of keyboard artists with inhibitions being freely released as the seductive keyboard knows that their identity is well hidden. Only your keyboard and mouse know the true you in our new age.
My realization became extremely clear as I wrote my goodbyes to my fellow keyboard artists who had joined me in my latest search for my prince. I giggle as I remember what I wrote and the toads that I kissed along the way that never turned into princes. "I have come to the conclusion that there is no man that wants a woman who is who she says that she is. All of my descriptions are correct and the picture is only two months old. No, I am not in another body and have not grown to other dimensions. What you see is what you get. Sincerity, oh well, is out of date! Soon my membership will run out, leaving me knowing why so few people find love these days. No one is looking for quite what they say they are looking for. Or, are they afraid to be themselves?" I clicked my goodbye as I wondered why my destiny seemed to be to act my way along a lonely road.
On one of those dreary Friday evenings of facing my destiny, I received a quite unexpected phone call. Little did I know that I was to see myself reflected in the words and stories of this caller's life. The Internet is supposed to bring only fantasies. At first, I had no idea who he was. I learned quickly not to think much about any keyboard artists I met. Yet, his voice caught my attention. It had such a beautiful mixture of sincerity and pain, combined with the sound of the need for direct human communication that matched my own, that I had to let the conversation continue freely. I quickly realized that this was a chance meeting of two souls which were so opposite that they would never join. Yet, it was a meeting that changed my life forever.
To my relief, the conversation began wonderfully with him being fearful of talking to me. The frightened ones, usually, are the very few that do turn out to be likable, like awkward puppies. This one was not an awkward puppy; nor an angry puppy. He was a hurt puppy, one that needed to tell his story. Soon his words began sending chills down my spine. He had something to teach me. He taught me what true love was. "Why was it wrong to be willing to do anything in the world for the woman you love? Why was it so hard for her to simply say 'thank you' to me just once?" His questions have pierced my heart. Saying "thank you" is acceptance of love. No love lasts without both parties achieving satisfaction on all levels.
Just when my mind was beginning to wonder, the perfect fish bit at the end of my hook. It was one that taught me that being a woman who was quite sure of herself leads to more excitement than ever expected. Mix emotions with intuition and you end up with a bomb waiting for a target. What a fun game I learned to play to keep my sanity. This opponent was much more fun than most. He was trying to hide in the box while attempting to attract me with his fine words and fantasies. In addition, he gave me all that I needed to set my game plan; my emails and chats were crossing his imaginary border, which he saw as his protection. He had no idea that he was climbing into my fortress. I led him onto my side of the playing field with the perfect bait. I let him think what he wanted to think, that I blindly trusted his every word. I further allowed him to think he was truly in charge as I painted the picture of a woman in love with him until he begged me to let him meet me. This forced him to stutter in the truth of what he had been hiding. I wish I could have seen his face when I told him that I knew his secret all along. As he became mentally abusive, as a result of his rage, I realized that I had found another secret to happiness in life. I had discovered the way to live and like myself while living in the unknown.
As I look to those lonely days of finding myself, I realize how much those friends and experiences acquired through the wonderful world of Internet dating meant to me. Not only did they teach me that I could live with myself, but they offered me hope for a tomorrow. Although, my stories have seemed negative toward online dating, I truly feel that in many of our lives, human contact has become so far out of reach that our mental institutions are emptier than they otherwise would be without the availability of meeting people online. Yet, those not-so-mindless games caused giggles to put me to sleep rather than those lonely tears that could have possibly driven me to end my journey. Living through life is a journey through the unknown, full of sometimes wonderful surprises.
I did read it, I wasn't going to but I had to see what I knew was the end result for me, that the guy was not what he appeared.
Whether it be on-line or on the phone there is nothing like proximity. You must know the person, in-person.
I have had a friendship with someone on the phone for 9 years. I have seen him 3 times. Once I caught on that he was a total con, bs'er, I shot him down every time I could. Now that I know truly how he is and he knows that I know, we can be friends.
But really you could have gotten to the point much much quicker You must love drama and/or trying to write a story or an article for Cosmo or something
Is his secret that he sleeps with men but is ashamed of it...??
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart
I read it...and, um, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??????? Sheesh! He became abusive...on the phone...you knew his secret...WTF??????
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I did read it...
