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The world news is bumming me out and I would welcome some diversion. I know many of you have an excellent sense of humor. How about using this thread to provide us a laugh. Those of you who are experts in risque sarcasm are especially invited.
Here's my attempt at a start:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow strikes her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me". She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in Room 221".
An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
A woman comes home from a business and asks her son what happened while she was away. He tells her, "There was a thunderstorm, so Daddy and me slept in the same bed." The maid corrects him and says, "You mean 'Daddy and I'". The little boy looks at her and says, "No, that was Tuesday, I'm talking about Thursday."
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Christmas dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she ****s on you!"
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