Long and complicated ... (how to, women, single, cheat)

[rikki_5]

Advice- I met dude over the summer. things escalated pretty quickly. I was in the process of moving and he actually lived in a different state than I was moving from (but we met in that state). anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up leaving to continue on my journey but for whatever reasons I went back and he asked me to live with him. I struggled for awhile with this but decided somehow I would make it work so I ended up looking for a job and basically we started living together. Things were heaven , things were bliss..until one night when we had a huge fight over the stupidest thing. Needless to say, we ended up deciding that maybe it was too soon for us to live together. He said I should probably continue on with my journey and we would work it out in time.

So I did, now I live on the other side of the country. I went to see him once a couple months ago and we had fun together but it was sad because I knew I was leaving in a few days. We talk on the phone all the time. Sometimes I freak out I guess because I have a jealous streak and he is very friendly and outgoing and has friends who are girls. He says that he would never ever cheat on me or anything but I actually have some issues with trust and sometimes my wild imagination gets the best of me.

I bascially asked him the other day if I should stay here and he said yes because he is unsure of his job. He said he wants to visit me here but at this moment he is on a trip to the state I moved from visiting friends. He said he HAD to go up there because he needs to get his weapons license restored and they banned it in his state. I AM UNSURE about how to proceed, he is there hanging out with his buddies and having a good time. He said he would call me tonight and didn't so I text him, thanks for calling me back..he said sorry, I'm playing pool at the bar with my buddy I didn't get a chance thanks for the bad vibes.

[Whyte Byrd]

Sounds like you should spend more time worrying about your jealousy issues or every relationship you enter will end like this. Jealousy is very unattractive, a major repellent, a turn-off, a death sentence for any relationship. Relax and work on our insecurities and everything else will fall into place as far as a relationship goes. Confidence is sexy and alluring. Get some!

[rikki_5]

Well, it actually hasn't ended yet. I'm just wondering what to do. He still wants to be exclusively together with me. and you are right, I do need to work on my "issues" but everyone has issues they need to work on. It is a very easy thing to simply write, hey- work on your issues, and relax! then everything will be fine. When your emotions are involved it becomes harder to "relax" especially when on one hand he is saying he sees a future and wants to be with me then on the next hand he is acting like he is still a single man without taking how I feel into consideration.Him being so far away makes me more insecure and seems to bring these things out of me than would be if I am seeing him everyday.

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by rikki_5

and you are right, I do need to work on my "issues" but everyone has issues they need to work on. It is a very easy thing to simply write, hey- work on your issues, and relax! then everything will be fine.

Then I don't know what you wanted everyone to say. I'm 50 years old. I've been there. And many other places you've probably never even dreamed of yet. It's as easy as wanting it bad enough to just do it. That's what I've learned in my life-time. I could sprinkle some sugar on it to make it sound better but the outcome is still the same. Good luck to you.

[rikki_5]

So how do you work on jealousy? I admit, I am pretty jealous of his "girl" friends. Only because I am not there with him and I've never met these people. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't care.

[chance2jump]

There is a book out there called "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It isn't the end all of answers, but it is eye opening. Go check it out.

To let go of jealousy is to mentally decide it is no longer an emotion you're going to house and enable. Think about it... what if he did do something with someone else... would your jealousy be able to stop it? Heck no. But, constantly questioning his actions, his friends, or his situations - well, that might push him and turn him off so much that he DOES do something.

Jealously is derived from insecurity in yourself. It has nothing to do with him, his friends or who he spends time with. It is your insecurity of yourself that he doesn't care about you enough to keep himself under control. When you kick jealousy to the curb... you radiate confidence in who you are. And that is what turns into sexy.

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by rikki_5

So how do you work on jealousy? I admit, I am pretty jealous of his "girl" friends. Only because I am not there with him and I've never met these people. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't care.

What works for one person may not work for someone else. You first have to be concious of it at all times. With me, I did what I call 'stepping outside myself'. It took me some time but I finally started seeing how others saw me and from there, I was more able to make the changes I wanted. Visualize the person you want to be; see yourself as confident, secure and everything else you desire to be and become that and believe it. You have a lot more power inside you than you ever dreamed.

Having an outside (the relationship) life is a must. It makes you more attractive to others, more interesting and more desirable to be around. You won't feel as needy. Needy is scary. Keep a little mystique about you. I don't mean play games, just be yourself, but you don't have to reveal all to everyone, least of all, a man. He doesn't even want to know everything, regardless of what he says.

Practice your confidence building on others--preferably people you don't know. Do something or say something to them you normally wouldn't but have admired in more confident women. Keep practicing until you feel comfortable and it becomes second nature to you. I'll give you a short example of how one case worked for me.

I went to work in my dad's restaurant and found I was scared to death of people. When I'd go to their table my head and hands would shake so bad. I could feel them staring at me and knew they were wondering what the hell is wrong with her? I was so embarrassed I quit for a short time. But I decided, no, this can't happen. I went back and pretended to be confident. I faked it. And before I knew it, I was noticing the difference in the way people looked at me, talked to me, treated me. It gave me confidence. I never looked back