Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It sounds like the feelings the OP is having are what is known as the "quarterlife crisis." There's some good books out there that explore this. I went through the exact same thing when I turned 30. It was a very stressful birthday for me. I was married and had a wonderful marriage, but I felt like I wasn't anywhere near where I should be career-wise. I had made a bunch of wrong turns career wise all through my 20's and felt really at an impasse. Basically, I had held a bunch of temp jobs all through my 20's that weren't really related to each other and were just to pay the bills without being career-oriented. I had worked with some career counselors and a life coach around that time to try to figure things out, and none of them really helped. I felt like I wasn't able to have the kind of career I wanted because of my educational and work background to date.
At age 29, I developed an anxiety disorder, started having panic attacks and felt depressed a lot of the time. My husband and I had also recently moved, and I didn't know many people in our new city, so that didn't help either. In general, I was doing a lot of soul-searching and introspection at age 29. I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential, and that I needed to pursue a whole different direction career-wise, but I had enormous trouble figuring out exactly what that should be. There were a bunch of different careers I was interested in, but I couldn't commit to any of them because I worried that I would choose the wrong thing and have regrets about it, just like I did with all the jobs I held in my 20's. So I felt like while I had a wonderful marriage, I had no social life (because of the move and not knowing anyone) and I had no real career because I had been temping without any real direction of what I wanted to do.
Anyhow, at age 30 I decided to go back to grad school to get the education and training I needed to pursue a career in a field I was interested in. I found a job that was in my new field of interest, and spent two years working in that field while exploring my career options. I enrolled in grad school a year later, and am very happy with my decision and career direction. The job was an outlet for social interaction, and I began meeting people in my new city. But what helped the most was finally finding my career path.
Regret that education/career-wise you arent where you feel you..
Should be?
Finding out that dating or meeting people wasnt as easy as your 20's.
If you are a male and you get an education, you are far behind those who started work earlier. Women think you are "cheap" because you are just getting started earning an income. I drove a junker in those days and shared accomodation - just to get by and save to afford a mortgage.
For white American males, between age 30 to 35, there almost 2 single men in this age group for every single woman. And how many of these women are single mothers? Half of all children are in single parent homes now.
If (like me) you go to a place where jobs are more plentiful, this ratio is probably closer to 3:1. Rural/depressed areas actually have a surplus of single women but the guys don't have a job.
I verified this using census data yesterday and talked with a few of my single peers at work about this. "Now I understand" was one comment.
Good luck. You're going to need it! Within a few years the matchmakers will have you targeted as someone to provide welfare/court/bailbond services to the many divorces and single women with teens.
Well, let me put it this way. By the time you're 30, you need to figure some stuff out. As in, just pick a direction and take it.
I mean, if you're having a tough time in your early 30s with no spouse, no kids and no obligations, when do you think it's going to get better? It's time you got your act together, my friend.
It sounds like the feelings the OP is having are what is known as the "quarterlife crisis."
Only if he lives to 120. 30's is getting very close to a mid-life crisis where one questions one's direction in life..
To me a "quarter life crisis" should occur in ones teens or early 20' when people, especially young men, must make the decision whether to sacrifice to get an education and become a productive member of society - and probably lose out on a lot of fun or become a lazy dropout, get laid regularly and drink beer. There is a lot of peer pressure here.
Wait until you hit 40. I kept thinking during my 30s that the life I wanted would somehow happen. Still unable to make it happen at 40.
exactly. (except the downer part about not getting what you expected in life)
wait till you hit 40. you will have similar feelings. and i assume at 50 as well. i have those moments all the time.
i think its more about self refelction and evaluation. everyone should step back and look at their accomplishments and mis-steps. if you dont, then you arent really interested in growth and personal development.
also, this introspection has to continue till we die. i dont want to get to a point where i feel there is nothing else to do. i want to be happy about my accomplishments and say, yes i did that. and that. and that. oh and that also. but what else can i do now?
OP, even if you do not feel very accomplished, you are still young. 30 is by no means mid life or dead. its good to reflect on your first 30 years of life, but dont dwell on them like you were dying. and dont have such a dismal outlook on your 30's.
its all part of growing up and becoming who you were meant to be. sure dating might seem a bit more complicated, but thats because many people at that point have taken a look within and know what they want. it might seem like the recent college grads get all the jobs, but you re never too old for a career change (unless you are an 80 y/o trying out for the police accademy)
you still have time to look at your life and direct it in a way that leaves you fulfilled.
its all in your hands. its tough, but millions of people live thru their teens. millions of people live thru their 20's and like the millions of people before you, you will live through your 30's (allah willing)...
I think it's very common these days for people of Generation X and Y to have the same feelings as the OP when turning 30. I'm reading this great book called "Generation Me" that describes how today, adolescence has gotten longer and longer so that now people take most or all of their 20's to find themselves, date without committing to a relationship, try out a bunch of different careers, and generally use the time to get to know themselves better and what they want. In generations past, people were married young, usually in their early 20's, and were able to buy a house and have kids shortly thereafter.
Today things are a lot different. We wait until our mid to late 20's to get married (if not later), today's housing prices are so expensive that many people live with their parents or with roommates throughout their 20's, and the job situation is much different as well, with college being the new high school diploma and a grad degree needed now for a lot of professional positions. Additionally, people now job hop a lot more than they did in the Baby Boomer era. Things are just different, and it's very common for people to have the feelings that the OP has when they turn 30. Some people just haven't been able to figure things out in their 20's, for a variety of reasons, and feel a lot of anxiety about turning 30 because 30 is generally seen as the age when you are officially an adult. If people feel that they don't have their relationships, careers, etc. figured out by then, it's only natural that they have some anxiety about it.
I'm headed towards 40 this year. I don't know where the years went. I still feel like I am in my 20s...it's tough. Ha!...I think I am having a mid-life crisis. But women always have it worse.
Regret that education/career-wise you arent where you feel you..
Should be?
Finding out that dating or meeting people wasnt as easy as your 20's.
When i hit 30 i did the whole" what have i done with my life thing"
Anyone else have a tough time?
Nope. My 20's were great, but my 30's got better. I met my ex when I was 30, and we were together for many years.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
