Does your SO/spouse makes you feel inadequate?(question for women) (dating, wives)

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by jersgrl1969

My ex-husband was pretty easy to talk to. In fact we got along a LOT better than my current husband and I do. My ex made me feel like the most beautiful, hottest woman in the world. Sure he looked, but I never felt threatened. He showed me plenty of affection and attention. I knew I was #1 in his eyes. Unfortunately he also drank like a fish, and that's what ruined our 12-year marriage. My husband would have a conniption fit if he knew, but sometimes I miss the love and affection I got from my ex. I've told my husband maybe if he showed me more love, I'd feel more secure in the marriage and the boob-pictures wouldn't bother me. In fact, I KNOW they wouldn't!

... maybe marriage therapy is in the cards for you?

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by jersgrl1969

My ex-husband was pretty easy to talk to. In fact we got along a LOT better than my current husband and I do.

Heh, I'd come to the same conclusion myself... Too much comparison shopping is not good for ya! But who woulda thunk, right... It's like that joke about shopping in the husband store. You assume the previous good qualities will remain and new good ones will be added when in fact all you get is a brand new set of problems that might be even worse.

[JetJockey]

A good friend of mine recently broke it off with her boyfriend because he consistently lied about looking at porn and nudie mags. She's absolutely stunningly gorgeous (6' tall blonde), smart, has a good job etc. but he just couldn't stop himself. As for my boyfriend, he tells me when he looks at stuff like that and it's never bothered me until recently. I've gained some weight (15#s) and he told me he isn't as attracted to me as he used to be. I understand and it's hurtful, but it's also more motivation to hit the gym

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

Just another comment; The title asked if he MADE you feel inadequate. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything. If you allow his behavior to determine how you feel about yourself, it is your problem more than it is his problem. (Took me years to figure this out, by the way).

Well, it wouldn't MAKE me feel any different about myself per se, BUT it certainly will MAKE me either move out or kick his @ss out.

[jersgrl1969]

Originally Posted by JetJockey

A good friend of mine recently broke it off with her boyfriend because he consistently lied about looking at porn and nudie mags. She's absolutely stunningly gorgeous (6' tall blonde), smart, has a good job etc. but he just couldn't stop himself. As for my boyfriend, he tells me when he looks at stuff like that and it's never bothered me until recently. I've gained some weight (15#s) and he told me he isn't as attracted to me as he used to be. I understand and it's hurtful, but it's also more motivation to hit the gym

Damn straight that's hurtful...this is one of those times when honesty is NOT the best policy. Talk about wounding someone's pride...just what did your BF hope to accomplish by telling you that? Does HE have a Mr. America body? If not then he ought to keep his lip zipped about your extra pounds. Screw the gym..your man should love you at any size.

[Hawk J]

Folks should all be thankful fer what they are endowed with........

Wouldn't that be Wonderful ???.............................

[Granny Sue]

Originally Posted by jersgrl1969

One question: You say your hubby's a breast man and it doesn't bother you-do YOU have large breasts?? Cuz if you do, it's no wonder his ogling doesn't bother you.
If you had mosquito bite-boobs, then I'd be willing to bet it WOULD bother you.

Trust me sweetheart, I am NO Pamela Anderson but neither am I Heidi Klum.

And it still doesn't bother me. Sorry.

[SBeasley]

If you dodn't like what he's doing tell him to stop. My ex used to look at porn and when I found it I would tear it up. If its on the computer go to parental controls and put a block on it. If you think he's acting like a child treat him like one. If you don't want to treat him like a child and want to be able to trust him well that can be very time comsuming but don't be afraid to be assertive about you opinions. We learn from repetition.Some times letting things hit the fan can help you get to the root of the problem.

[jersgrl1969]

Originally Posted by SBeasley

If you dodn't like what he's doing tell him to stop. My ex used to look at porn and when I found it I would tear it up. If its on the computer go to parental controls and put a block on it. If you think he's acting like a child treat him like one. If you don't want to treat him like a child and want to be able to trust him well that can be very time comsuming but don't be afraid to be assertive about you opinions. We learn from repetition.Some times letting things hit the fan can help you get to the root of the problem.

Oh trust me, ALL the porn mags were confiscated and shredded long ago, and he hasn't bought new ones. (They'd just get deep-sixed by me anyway.)
It's not so much porn, it's making little comments about women with big boobs that annoys me.

[MooksterL1]

I don't think the porn is the problem here. I think your post about your ex hits upon the problem. He's not making you feel wanted and that hasn't changed even after you shredded the porn. I don't think that women do themselves any favors by taking on the mother role and snatching away the porn or blocking the computer. Treating your SO as a child will not help and will only serve to lessen them further in your eyes. You need to talk with your SO about what is missing in your relationship that you do not feel loved and wanted.