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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:09 PM
 
8 posts, read 62,537 times
Reputation: 37
Default My husband won't have sex with me...

We've been married for several years, have two small kids (I just had a baby last year.) We've never really had much of a sex life due to a past porn addiction of his and an online affair, but those things have been over for a long time, and it's still non-existent. He says it's because I've gained weight and he's no longer attracted to me, but he loves me. How is that love? I read somewhere this could be emotional abuse. I'm losing weight, but am not sure that will change anything. In the meantime, I resent him and don't even want to be around him. I asked him what kind of sexual outlet he has and he said he just suffers. I'm overweight, but you would think I was an elephant the way he acts. I'm 5'5'' and 199. I plan to lose 50 lbs, but Lord knows if that will even be good enough for him... I should also mention that we are like roommates-- there's really no affection at all except for a pop kiss every now and then or a hug. Thanks for reading.
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,503 posts, read 12,719,382 times
Reputation: 3868
Lose the weight and have an affair!
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,274 posts, read 12,979,699 times
Reputation: 21504
Thats a fine how do you do.
Since he was so blunt to tell you about your weight, maybe you could be blunt with him in return, and tell him that you need his help to lose the weight. The two of you could watch your diet, and exercise together!
If he doesn`t want to participate in this, then set your goal, and do it yourself, or maybe with a GF.
Personally, I would be very hurt, (let alone highly upset) if my husband stopped having sex with me because of my weight. I would lose the weight for that purpose, and then when I hit my goal, he still would not be having sex! That would teach `em!
Good Luck!
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:36 PM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 2,756,120 times
Reputation: 1953
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeiscomplicated View Post
We've been married for several years, have two small kids (I just had a baby last year.)

We've never really had much of a sex life due to a past porn addiction of his and an online affair, but those things have been over for a long time, and it's still non-existent.

He says it's because I've gained weight and he's no longer attracted to me, but he loves me. How is that love? I read somewhere this could be emotional abuse. I'm losing weight, but am not sure that will change anything. In the meantime, I resent him and don't even want to be around him. I asked him what kind of sexual outlet he has and he said he just suffers. I'm overweight, but you would think I was an elephant the way he acts. I'm 5'5'' and 199. I plan to lose 50 lbs, but Lord knows if that will even be good enough for him... I should also mention that we are like roommates-- there's really no affection at all except for a pop kiss every now and then or a hug. Thanks for reading.
Wow!!! Is it national Denile day or something? Ok people addicted to porn and affairs have an OVERACTIVE labido, not a mr roper one. I could throw in once a cheat, always. Sounds to me he's just gotten better at hiding stuff from you. Here's what you do, get on the treadmill, lose the 50, and start going out with the girls and not coming home...he'll "pop" to quick.
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:37 PM
 
8 posts, read 62,537 times
Reputation: 37
Funny, that's exactly what I told him (I wouldn't have sex with him after losing weight) and he said I was mean-spirited. Losing 50 lbs takes like six months and it just seems like a sentence to me that I don't deserve. For God's sakes, I gained the weight having his children after all. How can he claim he loves me so much if he won't show me any affection? I know guys separate love and sex, but I just don't see how a husband who claims to love his wife so much wouldn't want to be intimate with her.

Thanks for the replies.
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,274 posts, read 12,979,699 times
Reputation: 21504
He sounds like an a$$, to put it bluntly.
Your right. How can a loving, supportive husband tell you that he loves you, then show zero affection?
Second that, how can a loving, caring husband who claims that he loves his wife so much, tell her so bluntly, why he is not affectionate towards her anymore? Rude!
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:44 PM
 
8 posts, read 62,537 times
Reputation: 37
I just don't know whether to leave him or see if it gets better after losing the weight. We have so much at stake and other than this enormous issue, we enjoy each other's company.
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,274 posts, read 12,979,699 times
Reputation: 21504
There is alot more to a marriage, and family than enjoying each others company. He needs to be supportive, not cut you off in the bedroom, and in the affection dept. GGeeezzzzzz...
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Unread 01-18-2009, 01:51 PM
 
8 posts, read 62,537 times
Reputation: 37
He says we can do it, but it's like I don't want to knowing he doesn't want to. I've stayed for so long I think I ought to lose the weight and see what happens. Then I'll have the true answer.
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Unread 01-18-2009, 06:05 PM
 
13,400 posts, read 20,566,700 times
Reputation: 9617
If you lose the weight for him and then things are the same, then what?

My advice is lose the weight for yourself not him. I would also consider counseling as the problems much deeper than your weight.
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