38 and Dating Confirmed Bachelor - Will He Commit? (marriage, women, love)

[busyandfizzy]

I am 38 and have been divorced for 2 years after a brief marriage in my early 30's. (He asked for divorce after deciding that he wanted something different in his life. We agreed to wait 2 years before starting to have a family and it was shortly after our 2 year anniversary that he asked for the divorce.)

I have recovered from the disappointment of the divorce and losing the potential of starting a family and have been dating a guy since last March (met through eharmony). He moved across the country to be with me and we have been living together since September. He is 43 and has never been married. Living together has been *interesting* - he has spent most of his adult life living in a hotel since he travels a lot for work so living in one city and with someone has been quite an adjustment. He is very much a loner and admits he is having a hard time with changing his lifestyle.

I am worried that he is going to turn out like my ex-husband and drag things out by being indecisive. I don't have a lot of time to have children and feel like I need to make a decision on whether to stay in the relationship. However, I made the mistake of getting engaged to my ex too soon (2 mos after we met) and don't want to make the same mistake twice.

I would really love to get feedback and advice from others (both men and women) on what I should do. I'm confused and frustrated - shouldn't I be able to read situations a little better with some life experience under my belt?

[Huckleberry3911948]

bail now..................

[Twinkle Toes]

If he's a confirmed bachelor what the hell was he doing on Eharmony? His lifestyle sounds kinda weird to me - like there are a whole lot of red flags going up or something. If I were you I'd be very cautious and not put all of my eggs into this basket.

[Tropical Trouble]

I think it's about time to sit down and have the old "where is this relationship going" talk with the guy. I'm not generally a fan of ultimatums but at my age I'm not going to be strung along forever by a guy who can't make up his mind. You need an answer from him, and soon.

[Saberai]

Don't make the same mistake twice. You can't change him, dump him now.

[busyandfizzy]

I say he is a confirmed bachelor since he is over 40 and never married. He says he wants to settle down and have kids, otherwise, I would never had made time for him in the first place. I believe him, but I'm wondering if he is capable of making such a dramatic life change.

[Twinkle Toes]

Originally Posted by busyandfizzy

I say he is a confirmed bachelor since he is over 40 and never married. He says he wants to settle down and have kids, otherwise, I would never had made time for him in the first place. I believe him, but I'm wondering if he is capable of making such a dramatic life change.

He's not a "confirmed" bachelor if he says he wants to get married and have a family. I met my husband when he was in his 40's and a bachelor with no children. Now he's got me AND these damn kids!!!

I agree - have a talk with him and find out where his head's at.

[JonathanLB]

Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble

I think it's about time to sit down and have the old "where is this relationship going" talk with the guy. I'm not generally a fan of ultimatums but at my age I'm not going to be strung along forever by a guy who can't make up his mind. You need an answer from him, and soon.

LOL, I love it when girls bring up that talk. They get dumped immediately. A relationship doesn't GO anywhere, it has already reached it's apex, it's high point, it's zenith, when we are both having fun and enjoying each other's company. A relationship isn't an Airbus and it's not an Amtrack. It doesn't GO anywhere, it just IS. So when a girl wants to give me the "where's it going thing" my first reaction is confusion -- what is even meant by that?! I don't know, it's girl speak. My second reaction is if you're going to pester and nag me it's time for me to move on.

This guy sounds awesome, but if you're looking to get married and start pumping out kids, I really hope this guy is awesome enough to move on to the next girl. Sorry, but I don't like to see another great guy corrupted by a woman trying to pump out babies.

[busyandfizzy]

Thanks for the advice. We did talk - he is worried about losing his job (works in banking industry and makes good money) and doesn't know where his next career move will be. He's frustrated about some weight gain (due to stress) and has some other physical issues that he is trying to fix. My heart breaks with how stressed out he is, and I just can't push him on marriage/kids and still be a good friend to him. I think he's also stressed out because he knows these things are in my mind.

Also, I make good money on my own and am not looking for a sugar daddy or semen donor. I want to have a family....not just babies.

[rlrl]

gee, sounds just like me, I am indecisive as hell(though i have a decent job), though not a ladies man and i have never been and wonder if i will ever marry