so i broke up with my girlfriend and now im miserable... (boyfriend, lover)
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Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmb24illini
i'll give some background to the situation...
i had been dating my now ex-girlfriend for over 11 months. we never had a fight. she is a great girl but i just, while dating her, never saw her as someone i would ultimately marry. we did everything together--movies, concerts, sporting events, restaurants, etc.
we had a talk about 3 months ago and what came out of it is that I told her eventually I wanted to date other people. I basically gave her every reason to dump me right then but she didn't. For awhile, I couldn't bring myself to break up with her until this week, when on a whim, I decided to do it. Didn't think anything through...just decided to say we should see other people.
When I met her, I had just moved to a big city halfway across the country and knew very few people. my world out here was centered with and around her.
I had spent awhile looking around at my friends...ones who were in new relationships and head over heels. or moving in with their girlfriend. or getting engaged. although I had an amazing girl, I didn't have those same raw feelings. Maybe I was scared, maybe I didn't want to hurt her, maybe...I dont know. We were about to book a vacation together and I hit the "panic" button.
While I never thought we'd go the distance, breaking up with her is bringing out some different feelings about her. I am thinking about her all the time (that's nothing new). I want to see how shes doing but know that will make it worse for her. I feel like I blew it big time. I miss her.
Anyone want to help me make sense of my feelings and help me get my head on straight? I know it takes time but I also have never been on the "giving" end of a long term relationship like this.
Thanks in advance.
You were wrong about your depth of feelings for her. You made a mistake.
Obviously you know that, now.
You have two options.
1) Call her or meet with her and tell her exactly what you're feeling and that you never realized how much you love her. Tell her you were being a fool and you realize that, now.
Apologise and ask her if she'll take you back.
Promise to never underestimate and under appreciate her, ever again. Promise to never pull this crap ever again and that you'll work to gain her trust.
2) Live with the choice YOU made. Deal with the consequences and move on with your life.
This is exactly what I am going through right now. My girlfriend is perfect, BUT... I can't put my finger on what that "but" is. It's been on my mind for a long time. In our 16 months I regrettably never tell her I love her!?? We don't say that.? Please don't judge me on just that because we have never not enjoyed each others company. Maybe it's the "it" factor of die hard love missing. I would really hate to lose such a compatible match with such a beautiful person.
dmb24: Sometimes everything is perfect, except what you are feeling due to what your mental state is. People effect you in many ways and everybody is going somewhere. If that person is wonderful, BUT that love is not helping you get over that certain pressure or by that phase in your life. Sometimes you want to just do it on your own. Everyone else and myself: Don't fight that urge because not doing it will cause you to want to be alone more. Find a way out without calling it a breakup. Don't steal but take your time aggressively. Do what you have to do but know there is a time line to the answer she is waiting for. If you can't work it out in the allotted time then say good bye for now. but give yourself a chance to do what task you have to do. Time and space to think and the look back after everything to tell yourself that was the best decision at that time. Good luck everyone and sorry this was so long!
This was all really helpful. I just went through the same thing. First long term relationship (8 months) and felt that there was never that intangible spark that would make it go the long run, no matter how desperately i wanted it to be there. She is a great girl and cared for me tremendously. She felt it was out of left field, but i decided to do it to be fair to her and me. Immediately after i felt sick and can only remember the good things about our relationship. Of course I have doubts and feelings of love that i never thought i had came out of the woodwork post break-up, but this thread has inspired me to give it some more time and give her space. I hope thats the right thing to do.
Well of course you feel bad.
Suddenly you don't have that familiar person with whom you daily communicate, and that is hard.
But I don't think I read in your post anything that says you realize you do want her or love her so basically there isn't anything more you can do for her or your relationship.
Eventually you'll meet someone else to occupy your time and you will not even want this girl even for a friend...
That's just the way it is.
DO NOT dial up for more pain. Remember the reason why you broke up in the first place. You did the right thing for all involved. Its a hard transition but if you go back you will have to start the whole process again. Execersise and talking with my friends helped me. I wanted to call my ex everyday I was so miserable. This too shall pass......my friend. Good luck and one day you will be able to help one of your friends thru their painful break-up
I falt in love with a girl I didn't realize that that she will brok up with me and just a day before she was happy smiling the next day I wanted to called her she turned her cellphone off I was wondering what is going on and the next day I find out that she just got mad because she had something from outside poeple saying and she didn't ask me anything and I tried to call her an see what was the problem she didn't respond my call and after two hours later I send her an text message she never responded back,I went to her house she went inside to her room.So my question is how am I going to get away with her just forgoting her if not I might go crazy.
i had been dating my now ex-girlfriend for over 11 months. we never had a fight. she is a great girl but i just, while dating her, never saw her as someone i would ultimately marry. we did everything together--movies, concerts, sporting events, restaurants, etc.
we had a talk about 3 months ago and what came out of it is that I told her eventually I wanted to date other people. I basically gave her every reason to dump me right then but she didn't. For awhile, I couldn't bring myself to break up with her until this week, when on a whim, I decided to do it. Didn't think anything through...just decided to say we should see other people.
When I met her, I had just moved to a big city halfway across the country and knew very few people. my world out here was centered with and around her.
I had spent awhile looking around at my friends...ones who were in new relationships and head over heels. or moving in with their girlfriend. or getting engaged. although I had an amazing girl, I didn't have those same raw feelings. Maybe I was scared, maybe I didn't want to hurt her, maybe...I dont know. We were about to book a vacation together and I hit the "panic" button.
While I never thought we'd go the distance, breaking up with her is bringing out some different feelings about her. I am thinking about her all the time (that's nothing new). I want to see how shes doing but know that will make it worse for her. I feel like I blew it big time. I miss her.
Anyone want to help me make sense of my feelings and help me get my head on straight? I know it takes time but I also have never been on the "giving" end of a long term relationship like this.
Thanks in advance.
Leave her alone she is better off finding someone who will truly love and appreciate her..Your SELFISH..
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