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Old 01-20-2009, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,440,837 times
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Parent. I am not my children's friend. I am their mom. It's up to me to raise them well not be a buddy.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:00 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,900,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amanda0808 View Post
That's really cool. A lot of people say that you shouldn't be friends with your kids, but I disagree (to a certain extent, of course). Some of the funnest times in my life are when I'm joking around with my son, or playing video games with him and his friends.
That's great to hear. There are parents that feel they should enter the room with a paddle of authority and make the kids do something work related even when the child has friends over. I am glad to see you take time to play video games with him. He will cherish that about you. Plus, he will be more willing to do stuff with you if you ask. If not, you can reason with him that you spent time with him now you can use the help in setting the table or something. It's all a two fold thing.

My father was a worker. He was always working. The only time you see him with us in pictures is us in a wheel barrow or a lawn grass sweeper. He hardly ever took time to do something fun. Like build a snowman or play football. For real. Not just a catch or two. I mean, get into a good fun game. So I felt the need to change all that and be a "fun" Dad. One the kids can relate to. We have fun but they know there is a line and they do not cross that line.

Like having a dog you play with all the time in the yard but as soon as he decides he wants to wander in the neighbor's yard....well, that's when you HAVE to do something or he will not know what to expect from you. After a while the dog understands what is expected and it is much easier.

I commend you on your fine parenting. Learn to laugh at stupid stuff. Don't make a big deal out of little stuff. Fart and laugh. Burp and laugh. Spill milk and laugh. It's all good. Later you will have taught your kid the value and benefits of being easy going.

Thanks for the response.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:23 AM
 
395 posts, read 1,285,067 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Parent. I am not my children's friend. I am their mom. It's up to me to raise them well not be a buddy.
Sounds like my own mom talking! She has been a great mom and I love her for that. But she is not my friend (while my sister is). I cant explain why....I love her a lot.

My Dad is altogether a different story. We love him a lot but from a distance. I (at 26) still is very scared to talk to him....but I love him a lot.

When I become a parent not sure what I woud be doing.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:26 AM
 
Location: So Cal
51,958 posts, read 52,393,874 times
Reputation: 52459
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Parent. I am not my children's friend. I am their mom. It's up to me to raise them well not be a buddy.
I think that is a pretty good approach. Perhaps as the kids get older it could shift some.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:55 AM
 
5,258 posts, read 9,124,653 times
Reputation: 3316
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
That's great to hear. There are parents that feel they should enter the room with a paddle of authority and make the kids do something work related even when the child has friends over. I am glad to see you take time to play video games with him. He will cherish that about you. Plus, he will be more willing to do stuff with you if you ask. If not, you can reason with him that you spent time with him now you can use the help in setting the table or something. It's all a two fold thing.

My father was a worker. He was always working. The only time you see him with us in pictures is us in a wheel barrow or a lawn grass sweeper. He hardly ever took time to do something fun. Like build a snowman or play football. For real. Not just a catch or two. I mean, get into a good fun game. So I felt the need to change all that and be a "fun" Dad. One the kids can relate to. We have fun but they know there is a line and they do not cross that line.

Like having a dog you play with all the time in the yard but as soon as he decides he wants to wander in the neighbor's yard....well, that's when you HAVE to do something or he will not know what to expect from you. After a while the dog understands what is expected and it is much easier.

I commend you on your fine parenting. Learn to laugh at stupid stuff. Don't make a big deal out of little stuff. Fart and laugh. Burp and laugh. Spill milk and laugh. It's all good. Later you will have taught your kid the value and benefits of being easy going.

Thanks for the response.
Thanks

I was raised to treat life as a fun thing. Of course, you still need to behave and follow rules, but you shouldn't expect your kids to live under an oppressive rule. As long as they're behaving, there's no reason why parents shouldn't be friends with them and have fun with them.
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:01 PM
 
5,019 posts, read 14,088,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by azoria View Post
My kids are now 20 and 25. It's a joy and a sadness.

I really like relating to them on a equal level, as people adults, thinking members of civilization. I look at my kids and I like the people they turned out to be.

But I miss when they were young and riding their bikes up and down the street hollering with their friends, giggling and rolling on the couch with the dog, dripping popsicle juice down their chins on a hot summer day.

I guess that's why we get grandkids. We get to do the kid thing all over again without making the same mistakes we made the first time and recognizing the joys of childhood we missed before. A second chance.
I'm an "empty nester" too. Thank-you for phrasing that so well.

I love watching her as an adult and the "friends" stage is so nice...but sometimes I just miss baking cookies and working on school projects and folding her clothes.
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Old 01-26-2009, 02:05 PM
 
5,258 posts, read 9,124,653 times
Reputation: 3316
Whether your goal is to be the authoritative parent, or the 'parent/friend', the important thing is to spend as much time with your kids as possible, and to be understanding/nurturing while reinforcing your rules.
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Old 01-27-2009, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Heart of the San Joaquin
350 posts, read 1,115,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plaidmom View Post
I'm an "empty nester" too. Thank-you for phrasing that so well.

I love watching her as an adult and the "friends" stage is so nice...but sometimes I just miss baking cookies and working on school projects and folding her clothes.
I have an empty nest too. My daughter & grandbabies lived with us for 14 months while my SIL was stationed in Korea. They moved to Germany in November, so it's kind of quiet around my house. Miss them all but love having my house back and some time for my husband. We're really enjoying it right now. I have 2 daughters, 24 & 27. I'm friends with both, very close, but growing up they knew the boundaries and if they crossed them they paid the price. One forfeited a trip to Europe (and I forefeited a $500 deposit), because she crossed the line. She also didn't get to go to her Sr. Prom. My dad always said, if you say no, mean no. I never really got it until I had kids. I'm so proud of my daughters. They are good mothers, and wives. But most of all, they have good hearts and are just good people. I miss them, but having grandkids is the cherry on top. It's undescribable. Kind of like trying to tell someone about having kids, but you really can't know until you experience it.

To Twinkle Toes - I never felt comfortable dancing, unless I've had a few beers, then I'm Tina Turner. The gift you've given your boys is priceless. They'll be comfortable in any social situation and will never lack dates!
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