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Old 01-22-2009, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
Reputation: 2329

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Quote:
Originally Posted by talkingdating View Post
why don't you assist her? you seem to be much educated on dating aspects.

Online Dating
I am the wrong person to ask about dating...but, I will say this, I'm the person never looking for a relationship that ends up in one. I've tried to convey this to my girlfriend in different ways, i.e., don't get be so serious about things, just realize that if one person doesn't work out, that's one less to deal with...and I tried to tell her that she might be giving off "desperation" vibes....and people can sense that...
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
Reputation: 2329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beena View Post
Quit looking??? Like it is gonna be easier at 57?
No, I don't think it will be any easier then, but when I said, "quit looking" because sometimes people are looking so hard they forget to see what's staring them in the face. Again, I think people can sense desperation.
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
Reputation: 2329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecilia_Rose View Post
I agree you dont have to be responsible for others happiness but its okay to lend a hand. Some people are afraid to go places and do new things by themselves. Could you go with her to a few festivals etc just till she learned the ropes. My Mom was like that. I had to go to her 45th high school reunion cause she wanted to go but wouldnt go alone.
I'd love to do that but I live three & a half hours from her...I'm into the film fests, she's not but does love her music...so I sent her the link to Langerado with the volunteer information...she emailed me, maybe....ugh...When I decided it was time to make some new friends, I just signed up to volunteer and went to the meeting for my hobby...no, wasn't easy but I figured there must be other people here just like me, wanting to make friends with common interest...
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joyBeing View Post
It sounds like she wants you to listen and sympathise...and that's it. So, just be there for her; that's help enough.
Being that I know her, that's what I do....I just try to listen & explain that no one's got everything perfect in their lives and just take it one step at a time.
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: New England
914 posts, read 1,803,286 times
Reputation: 928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
I have a divorced girlfriend who I've known for over 20 years. She's been playing the internet dating game with no success. I've tried to tell her to either get involved in her community and or music festivals (she loves music) in order to meet people. She's always got an excuse, but is so totally not happy with her dating life. She's an attractive woman (47), but for some reason (I think her desperation to have a boyfriend is preceeding her), the fish aren't biting.

I basically told her either get involved in something or quit bitching....also, quit looking....

Any suggestions?

First off, she seems a little too desperate in finding a companion. Understandable that her biological clock is ticking but everyone knows love comes the least you expect it. Even if she finds a potential, she might even botch it because she's jumping too fast.

My friends are like that too. I tell them to slow their roll and let the cards fall where they may.

Why do YOU think its not working out?
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Old 01-22-2009, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tuteishungry View Post
First off, she seems a little too desperate in finding a companion. Understandable that her biological clock is ticking but everyone knows love comes the least you expect it. Even if she finds a potential, she might even botch it because she's jumping too fast.

My friends are like that too. I tell them to slow their roll and let the cards fall where they may.

Why do YOU think its not working out?
She has a daughter with her xhusband so time clock for children is okay.

I think she can be very jappy and it pushes people away. She & I are in total disagreement on the internet dating thing. I told her she'd have more luck in the meat isle at Publix. I feel bad listening to her in regards to all her friends being in relationships & she's not. It's like being in that 25-35 year age group where all your friends are getting married & having kids, and then being the single person. She dated this guy from Jan to Sept/Oct. and really fell for him but he never was with her on holidays and she wondered why but basically blew it off...I told her something was wrong...she didn't want to believe me...finally did...she lives in the Lauderdale area so it's not like there's not men around...I think it's not working out because she's not only too picky but can 20 question people to death....and I still think the vibe from her might be scarring people off.
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Old 01-22-2009, 03:43 PM
 
Location: I gave up being nice for Lent.
2,505 posts, read 6,307,651 times
Reputation: 5281
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
I'd love to do that but I live three & a half hours from her...I'm into the film fests, she's not but does love her music...so I sent her the link to Langerado with the volunteer information...she emailed me, maybe....ugh...When I decided it was time to make some new friends, I just signed up to volunteer and went to the meeting for my hobby...no, wasn't easy but I figured there must be other people here just like me, wanting to make friends with common interest...
I didnt realize there was volunteering. I visualized your poor friend roaming up and down the aisles all forlorn and alone at some festival. Volunteering is good. It gives you a job to do so you dont feel so ill at ease being alone..

You are right she is making way too much drama. I agree if this is what she wants she needs to quit complaining and get to work. Thats right work. Treat it like a job search. What kind of guy do you want. Go where do they hang out. For example if I was looking Id get a part time job at the lumber yard etc. I like to do DIY stuff and Im gettin too old to keep doing it by myself.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,106,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecilia_Rose View Post
I didnt realize there was volunteering. I visualized your poor friend roaming up and down the aisles all forlorn and alone at some festival. Volunteering is good. It gives you a job to do so you dont feel so ill at ease being alone..
Oh, god no....I started my film fest volunteering in 2006 and this will be my fourth season, I meet all kinds of fantastic people from young to old all with a love of film. I made so many friends, I didn't know how to keep up with everyone...sometimes we don't, we all just get together during the festival prep & run.


You are right she is making way too much drama. I agree if this is what she wants she needs to quit complaining and get to work. Thats right work. Treat it like a job search. What kind of guy do you want. Go where do they hang out. For example if I was looking Id get a part time job at the lumber yard etc. I like to do DIY stuff and Im gettin too old to keep doing it by myself.
Maybe I should tell her to cruise the aisles at Home Depot in Ft. Lauderdale; they always have nice looking men in there...lol!
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:54 AM
 
77,951 posts, read 60,120,250 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
I think it's not working out because she's not only too picky but can 20 question people to death....
....and the guys that pass her "pickiness" are sought after by tons of women and don't have to put up with an interrogation. Seems like you have likely found the source of the problem. (Not to mention that the ratios of men/women get worse for women starting around that age.)
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Old 01-23-2009, 12:01 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,019,688 times
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See, I admire your desire to help your friend and listen to her. At the same point, you really need to ask yourself, "Is this taking a toll on me? And am I just being used?" After all, she refuses to change her behavior and approach to dating.

I've had friends like that who bent my ear all the time about the litany of dating problems in their lives. Yet, it was really the same problem over and over again. It really grew to be exhausting, for I was beginning to stress out over their lack of interpersonal skills. Trust me. It's a no-win situation.

In fact, here's an acid test for you. When's the last time your friend, without being prompted, has really been interested in what's going on in your life? If she does regularly ask, then that's great. At the same time, if she zones out while you talk about your life, just looking for an opening for her to talk about herself some more, then you don't have a friend. You have a person who is sucking you for all the time, energy, and sympathy she can take from you. Run if she's one of these.
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