How important is it to have your family/friends approve.... (dating, how to)

[PassTheChocolate]

to who you date?

I was once with a guy who moved a little too fast at first. I liked him enough to give him a chance but not quite enough to expose him to my good friends and family right away. After about 6 months, he put the pressure on and, in the interest of being fair and accomodating, I caved. It was a disaster. I should have listened to my gut, but that's another post all together.

It was then that I realized that my friends are my friends because we share the same interests and values; they mean the world to me. So does the family I choose to keep in my life. Therefore, I want the man I am with to be accepted by them.

What about youze guys?

[killer2021]

The post is kind of hard to follow. So let me get this straight, you met a guy you like and you didn't want your parents to know about him but he wanted to meet your parents. You gave in and your friends and family didn't like him. Now you want to figure out how to make your parents like him.

The only thing I would recommend is that you should have the guy interact with the family some more to show that he is a decent person (that is assuming he is decent lol).

The friend/family thing is definitely a difficult thing to juggle.

[PassTheChocolate]

I said I "was once with a guy"; past tense. I don't see my parents singled out or mentioned anywhere in particular.

[orangeapple]

My family gets excited too quickly and I would rather wait til it was serious for any introductions. They have certain ideas of who they'd like to see me with, but I've gotten over trying to please everyone. I will date who I like, and if it gets serious they'll have to deal with it. They aren't unreasonable, so unless a person is treating me bad they'd probably accept him.

Honestly, I don't trust my friends judgments when it comes to men....they've made bad decisions :X

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

My family gets excited too quickly and I would rather wait til it was serious for any introductions. They have certain ideas of who they'd like to see me with, but I've gotten over trying to please everyone. I will date who I like, and if it gets serious they'll have to deal with it. They aren't unreasonable, so unless a person is treating me bad they'd probably accept him.

That's how I felt, I wanted to make sure we were going somewhere before introducing him. And we had very different social skills, so to speak. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking common sense would dictate that he shouldn't say/do certain things, but that is an alien concept to a lot of people, unfortunately.

[Mr.Cat]

I could care less of what the fam and friends thought when I would date a chick back in my single days. I went by my standards, not theirs.

[silverwing]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

How important is it to have your family/friends approve....who you date?

For me? A BIG FAT ZERO!!

<caps/underline/bold for emphasis>

*sheesh* Other than my older sister (who is, I suspect, only lukewarm about her marriage), I'm the only one who displayed the better judgment about partners. My parents had a tumultuous marriage and nasty divorce; my other siblings have really made crappy choices and ended up with cheating spouses, deadbeat fathers and just general ne'er-do-wells.

If we all had a chance for a do over, I would probably say "ya know, I seem to be a better picker of mates than ya'all, how about letting me play matchmaker for you guys"

[Granny Sue]

Well, I guess I lucked out...my family likes my husband better than they like me! Ok, it's the same way on his side, they like me better.

In the perfect grownup world, everyone would get along and you'd have hallmark cards printed up about you.
Get back to me when that happens.

I think it all depends on your relationship with your family and friends, then you had to decide which side is more toxic.
You, the OP, had a gut feeling from the begining and it proved correct.

Bottom line, if you want them both in your life you have to find a way to make it work.

[cpg35223]

Depends on the reasons. If they're objecting because he just isn't in the same socioeconomic class than you, then they're snobs.

If, on the other hand, are simply picking up a bad vibe by the way he behaves and conducts him, then they may be the most valuable barometer you've got. After all, love is blind, and you might really be overlooking some serious personality flaws that might prove a real problem later.

My very best friend dated a lying skank. I mean, this woman would lie when the truth was easier. While I didn't say anything, his folks did, causing a huge dustup. But he kept catching her in more and more lies, and kept accepting her alibis. The final straw came when he came over to my apartment. This woman kept insisting that she graduated the same small liberal arts college as me--even though I'd never seen her on campus. So, one day, I just left my alumni directory out on the coffee table. While I was in the kitchen, Keith had flipped through it and didn't find her name there. He and I just exchanged glances, without saying a word. He severed the relationship that night.

[Book Lover 21]

My husband had a friend from college that was serious with a girl and ended up getting engaged. His whole circle of friends had a weird feeling about her. Do you know what I mean? No major flaws that they could point to, just a bad feeling. Sure enough, she broke up with him, kept the wedding dress and engagement gifts and married another guy in the dress HE bought a few months later.

Pay attention to your friends and family. They may see what you don't see because you are blinded by the bootie.