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Do you feel emotional affairs are wrong?
Excuse me for the "touchy feely" term im not sure how else to phrase it.
BAD, VERY BAD. In my opinion, these are worse than one night stands or short-term affairs for sex only. Once the heart is involved these are very tricky for marriages to recover from.
Well, here's the deal on all that. Never have a conversation with a member of the opposite sex (Or same sex if you swing that way) that you wouldn't have in front of your spouse. Problem solved.
Oh, you got your 2nd star, cpg!
I agree with you on this one. I've crossed that line and it was wrong, even though it was during separation time. Should’ve never discussed personal matters that deep. As a matter of fact, perhaps it was costly for me as I might've acted differently and might've made a different decision otherwise. It was a very vulnerable time and even though I’m not easily influenced you can get a little swayed in one direction or another based on advice or simply validation for potential wrong reasons... which can be (and I’m sure they were) even subconscious… That’s why now I advise people to use their own heads. I’d never disclose that much info to anybody again and don’t plan on seeking advice, either.
Ok, let's say you love your spouse, but oops.. you find yourself really attracted to someone else too on many levels. In fact, if you had to describe it accurately, you'd call it love. And oops, after a night of drinking, this person tells you she loves you too and wants to have sex -- which you refuse. .. and oops, you two work together and have to maintain a close working relationship so you basically carry on your relationship, which was friendly before. (No more drinking together though.) How is this your fault? Seriously.
I've heard the "I'd rather a one-night stand than emotional affair" argument before. But that makes no sense to me. Emotional affairs do sort of just happen because we're not entirely in control of our emotions. Sex takes some intent and deliberate action, but having feelings for someone?
Nothing in this life "just happens". We make choices and those choices have consequences. It's all about personal responsibility - don't drink around members of the opposite sex when your wife isn't around and you wouldn't have the kind of problem like the one described above. It you could decide not to drink together AFTER, you could have decided not to drink together BEFORE. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS.
Nothing in this life "just happens". We make choices and those choices have consequences. It's all about personal responsibility - don't drink around members of the opposite sex when your wife isn't around and you wouldn't have the kind of problem like the one described above. It you could decide not to drink together AFTER, you could have decided not to drink together BEFORE. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS.
Mountains, my wife and I have been together since we were 14 -- that's 18 years for us. There's a reason why we've stayed together for that long. She has me on a very, very long leash -- and I her. I do occassionally drink in mixed company away from her. She drinks in mixed company away from me on occassion too.
If she got drunk with a group of colleagues, and some guy cornered her into being alone with him and told her he thought she was great and that he wanted to have sex .. and she said no .. even if she kind of really wanted to because she kind of liked this guy .. I would not hold that against her. These things happen. I wouldn't say, you hussy, what were you doing drinking with him in the first place! A relationship like that sounds like a little slice of hell to me. Sometimes, these things really do just happen.
Now two people having sex? I've yet to see a guy slip and fall in just such a way that his **** ends up in a woman's ***** on accident, but when you talk about emotions you're in much grayer area. You can claim you are in perfect control of your emotions all you want; I still bet you're going to cry reflexively when someone runs over your dog or get mad if someone slaps your face.
[quote=WestCobb;7138722]
Now two people having sex? I've yet to see a guy slip and fall in just such a way that his **** ends up in a woman's ***** on accident.../QUOTE]
Ask your insurance company if they can cover such accidents. They probably could put a rider on it.
Mountains, my wife and I have been together since we were 14 -- that's 18 years for us. There's a reason why we've stayed together for that long. She has me on a very, very long leash -- and I her. I do occassionally drink in mixed company away from her. She drinks in mixed company away from me on occassion too.
If she got drunk with a group of colleagues, and some guy cornered her into being alone with him and told her he thought she was great and that he wanted to have sex .. and she said no .. even if she kind of really wanted to because she kind of liked this guy .. I would not hold that against her. These things happen. I wouldn't say, you hussy, what were you doing drinking with him in the first place! A relationship like that sounds like a little slice of hell to me. Sometimes, these things really do just happen.
Now two people having sex? I've yet to see a guy slip and fall in just such a way that his **** ends up in a woman's ***** on accident, but when you talk about emotions you're in much grayer area. You can claim you are in perfect control of your emotions all you want; I still bet you're going to cry reflexively when someone runs over your dog or get mad if someone slaps your face.
Again, it's all about personal responsibility - when we make better choices we have better outcomes. When we make foolish choices the innocent often suffer.
Really it can begin very simple. On line in fact posting on a forum. Then you find yourself checking the forum for that person,s posts, or if they replied to yours. Then a DM or two, a few laughs. Then you wonder, "OMG, why did I give so much information"!!! Then it is fine, and you realize they have also put a lot out there. Next a picture or two, big deal..........
Then a phone call....that is just the way it happens. Not one BIG choice, a series of little things.
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