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Old 01-30-2009, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,222,213 times
Reputation: 5257
Default Women Are Like... a joke also

[SIZE=2]...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.
[/SIZE]
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,851 posts, read 51,298,605 times
Reputation: 22716
That's all cool, but since you're lazy bums nobody's gonna contribute while I'll keep adding to the other one!
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:26 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 17,221,348 times
Reputation: 10491
women are like.....

.....FRIGATES - Old battleships full of seamen.
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,120 posts, read 23,907,467 times
Reputation: 12197
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaBeez View Post
women are like.....

.....FRIGATES - Old battleships full of seamen.
Ewwwwwww!
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Not too sure.
29 posts, read 29,887 times
Reputation: 44
Women...

are the reason you breathe.
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, Fl
833 posts, read 967,687 times
Reputation: 477
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFloyd View Post
Women...

are the reason you breathe.
Amen.
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,222,213 times
Reputation: 5257
Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.

Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
fluctuations.

Physical Properties :
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties :
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses :
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests :
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution :
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,222,213 times
Reputation: 5257
So, God made Adam. Adam was walking around one day and realized that he was lonely, so he asked God for a companion. God said, "I can make a woman for you. She will cook and clean and do everything you ask her to. She will wait on you hand and foot. She will be so beautiful that you won't be able to take your eyes off of her. It's gonna cost you an arm and a leg, though."
Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,222,213 times
Reputation: 5257
A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute... The feminist was argueing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving...
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,222,213 times
Reputation: 5257
[SIZE=4]When She Says She Really Means
[/SIZE]

No...................................... Yes.
Of course I'm not upset................. Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you
the first few times.
You're...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the
bar Friday night?....................... I've been waiting by the phone for three days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's
just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must
be fate...... I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and
I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill, aren't you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.
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