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Old 02-01-2009, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,413 posts, read 4,393,426 times
Reputation: 2916
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Or does it depend on the kind? Provided you're not kinky yourself, of course... Or even if you are, your preferences just don't coincide, let's say.... it turned out he's seriously into S & M. I mean, not the mild stuff... the whole nine yards... I've never come across this for real. Would anybody consider accommodating them? I wouldn't.
Yes, perhaps. But I think a real heart-to-heart talk would be necessary where you both laid it all on the table and explained both of your wants and limits in full detail. Only then could I decide about going forward.

Regarding S & M: I don't like pain at all, so anything that hurt would be pretty off limits to me. But if, say, she wanted me to inflict some minor pain on her -- and the particulars would have to be discussed in advance -- then I would be willing to do so if it gave her pleasure. Indeed, I would probably find it quite hot if she was experiencing pleasure. But if the tables were turned -- and I'd make it crystal clear at the outset that in many instances the tables would NOT be turned -- I would not enjoy it at all.

Bottom line: I would probably be willing to go forward with the relationship as long as they respected the fact I would accommodate their desires up to the point that it violated my ethical conscious and desires. I would make it clear to them that I would not do something that I would consider "gross" or illegal/unethical.

 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,851 posts, read 51,363,796 times
Reputation: 22717
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hillman View Post
But I was with a Black Girl that was into the White Master thing,wanted me to tie her up and beat her and call her stuff.I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
LOL, the role reversal is doable, but I'm still not interested.

Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Okay - this caught my eye, LOL.
Yeah, I figured the title will perk up the ears of more than the usual suspects.

Quote:
However, one person's "kinky" may be another person's "normal."
True.

Quote:
To be discreet, let me just say it involved excrement. Too bad her hubby had not revealed his "preferences" b/f they got married - that was very unwise and unfair to his new wife, as well. They ended up filing divorce papers less than six months after they had gotten married.
Yeah, I'd find this highly unusual myself. And it's really unfair not to reveal it until married. It's plain sneaky... it's nothing new... Did he think she'll accept it once trapped...?

Quote:
My point is . . . what may seem normal to one person may seem kinky to another . . .so best to get that all sorted out early on. So yes, I would dump someone in a heartbeat that I felt was kinky, cause there is no way to make that work for the longterm.
It definitely should be out early on. ExPit, I missed the quote of your post somehow, but yes, I was told, which I appreciate greatly. In vino veritas... Might've not heard about it otherwise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 60-minutes-II View Post
It can be like role-playing different people
Yeah, OK... it's not on top of my list by any means, but it is benign alright.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:21 AM
 
1,567 posts, read 630,314 times
Reputation: 461
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post


Yeah, OK... it's not on top of my list by any means, but it is benign alright.
Whats important is that you try new things out before you are too old. OK?
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
9,000 posts, read 8,360,769 times
Reputation: 3451
Some kink is good but I don't want to be made to feel like if I don't "comply" it's going to be a huge deal to them or they will resent me.
Thank goodness my gf doesn't have TOO much kink in her. I like trying new things but I doubt you'll see me in a bondage club anytime soon.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:30 AM
 
17,402 posts, read 15,902,318 times
Reputation: 16969
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Or does it depend on the kind? Provided you're not kinky yourself, of course... Or even if you are, your preferences just don't coincide, let's say.

I happened to meet somebody I had a reasonable interest in - good-looking, smart, funny, stable job and all that. However, it turned out he's seriously into S & M. I mean, not the mild stuff... the whole nine yards... I've never come across this for real. Would anybody consider accommodating them? I wouldn't.

OK, I'm trying to keep it PG-13... Please keep the responses the same way, so the thread doesn't get shut down.

A little kinkiness is okay, role-playing for example, but yeah, it absolutely depends on the kind. I'm not into pain, I think golden showers are disgusting, etc...so much of that whole scene is not for me - "the whole nine yards" would definitely be a deal-breaker for me.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:40 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 17,258,959 times
Reputation: 10491
S&M is a definite deal breaker for me. Pretty much any type of fetish is a deal breaker.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Yellow Brick Road
34,585 posts, read 40,168,194 times
Reputation: 18066
Quote:
Originally Posted by 60-minutes-II View Post
Whats important is that you try new things out before you are too old. OK?
But only if those things make you feel A. comfortable and B. sound like fun. Just cause it is something you have never thought of doing before doesn't mean it is something you will like - and it may be a total turn off to even THINK about, much less to have your partner advocate. Trust that you are "safe" with your sexual partner is paramount.

There are lots of things a couple can engage in that might seem kinky to others, but are harmless and seem like fun to some people.

Dressing up, role-playing, games w/ food, etc. might be considered kinky to one couple and just some exploration and variety to another.

Regardless, if a sexual preference is a BIG DEAL to someone, he/she really needs to reveal that early on and see how the other person feels about it. Pretty lousy to assume things are gonna be different after the other party has become emotionally entangled - or worse - married to someone whose sexual preferences were never revealed until after saying I DO.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:42 AM
 
Location: los angeles, ca
318 posts, read 509,591 times
Reputation: 186
I think this post is about extreme S&M. Whenever I hear that I imagine underground brothels, creepy instruments and wall cuffs. If I met my dream man in every other aspect but he was into what I just listed, I'd run like there was no tomorrow. I think I'd stay if he were the M though. The other way arund is just too creepy.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:44 AM
 
Location: los angeles, ca
318 posts, read 509,591 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaBeez View Post
S&M is a definite deal breaker for me. Pretty much any type of fetish is a deal breaker.
Definitely. Fetishes are so strange I don't quite understnad them. What's so beautiful about toes? They're midget fingers...
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:47 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,687 posts, read 20,850,689 times
Reputation: 9770
No kink for me. And it would be a huge deal breaker for me. I'm not changing for him, but I'd also not want to be in a position of knowing that I was causing him frustrations in the bedroom. We'd have to just stay platonic friends.
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