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Speaking as a guy, I would love it if a woman contacted me. I always thought the advantage of trying to meet someone online is that rejection becomes a little easier to deal with. You contact someone and they either politely say "no thanks" or they just don't reply. At least if you're anonymous, it doesn't feel as bad as if it happened in real life. Imagine going up to someone and them dissing you in public. That would seem to hurt more than in the virtual world. Or maybe some people feel it hurts more. I guess it depends who you are.
Okay, so what do you usually write in the first email. Ask if they'd be interested in "talking" and getting to know each other via email? Ask them a question about something in their profile? Or?
Can you tell I'm new at this and completely clueless?
Hopefully you are noticing these guys for more than them having a good picture on their profile. Ideally, some of their interests should be things that are also enjoyable to you. If you have nothing in common with him, then move on for now. My approach would be to see if we clicked as friends first before moving on to considering them for a romance. Without having some common interests or passions, it's hard to get a good email correspondence going.
But if you are not comfortable and ready to jump into actually interacting with anyone yet, then take your time and just be a lurker and only read their profiles. Wait until someone really intrigues you before you contact them. Listen to your instincts.
Thanks, I guess I will try this. A lot of guys have been looking at my profile, but not contacting me. (like 128 yesterday)...Should I not contact them since that means they looked at what I wrote and didn't contact me, and just concentrate on guys who didn't look at all? Or should I assume since they looked, they were slightly interested?
...I guess I'm really overthinking this.
Well, if somebody looks at my profile (provided it's well written and it has a picture, too; not like those sparse ones I was talking about above) and doesn't contact me within a reasonable amount of time, I'd assume he's not interested and I wouldn't contact him. Since men have a pretty healthy self-esteem, I wouldn't think any would believe they're out of my league.
Hopefully you are noticing these guys for more than them having a good picture on their profile. Ideally, some of their interests should be things that are also enjoyable to you. If you have nothing in common with him, then move on for now. My approach would be to see if we clicked as friends first before moving on to considering them for a romance. Without having some common interests or passions, it's hard to get a good email correspondence going.
But if you are not comfortable and ready to jump into actually interacting with anyone yet, then take your time and just be a lurker and only read their profiles. Wait until someone really intrigues you before you contact them. Listen to your instincts.
Definitely looking at more than the pics. I read the entire profile and try to get a "feel" for the guy based on what he says and how he says it. But also realize that a lot of people can't write very well and may be better in person than they present in their descriptions of themselves and what they're looking for. As far as the pics go, I'm more looking for openness in expression, friendliness, etc. than where they rate on a scale from 1 to 10. Some of them "sound" like they are so damn perfect, already have the "perfect" life, and are looking for that "perfect" woman to fit right in to it, it scares me away, lol.
Thanks for all the advice and comments...really helps getting other's perspectives on this.
Some of them "sound" like they are so damn perfect, already have the "perfect" life, and are looking for that "perfect" woman to fit right in to it, it scares me away, lol.
Bah... first off, a good half of them may be married. Once we get this out of the way, we can move on to various degrees of fibbing and lying... Besides, everybody knows you have to pretend to have your shi*t together even if you don't. Don't be scared!
Well, if somebody looks at my profile (provided it's well written and it has a picture, too; not like those sparse ones I was talking about above) and doesn't contact me within a reasonable amount of time, I'd assume he's not interested and I wouldn't contact him. Since men have a pretty healthy self-esteem, I wouldn't think any would believe they're out of my league.
It may sound harsh, but that's the way I see it.
Yeah, I know what you're saying. And that's my initial thought. Have had my friends (male and female) look at my pics and profile and they give them the thumbs up, and I don't think they're just trying to be nice, but who knows? Then I had this conversation with my male friend who tells me that he has women contacting him all the time and he prefers this because then he figures they have a real interest in him. So I guess, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Bah... first off, a good half of them may be married. Once we get this out of the way, we can move on to various degrees of fibbing and lying... Besides, everybody knows you have to pretend to have your shi*t together even if you don't. Don't be scared!
Yeah, I already weeded out one of those (the married type). And then there's the one in five who contact me and are Europeans pretending to be American men trying to get my IM address. (Let's see, what was my first clue? That he claimed to be from Spokane, was holding an alligator, said his favorite hangouts were Covent Garden and Hyde Park, and called himself "cheeky"?
Well, Shania... I think that it depends on the age. I am 49 and met this guy, that is my husband now (59 years old), online. I believe that older men/women should not hesitate to take the first step. A simple "Hello. How are you?" to start the conversation, would not hurt anybody, right? (wink).
Good luck!
Well, Shania... I think that it depends on the age. I am 49 and met this guy, that is my husband now, online. I believe that older men/women should not hesitate to take the first step. A simple "hello. How are you" would not hurt anybody, right? (wink).
Good luck!
Makes sense. I'm 47 (on a good day, look 37, lol) and just have to hope that guys in my age range have reset their priorities so my taking the first step won't seem "desperate". Will have to try it and see. Thanks for the encouragement.
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Besides, everybody knows you have to pretend to have your shi*t together even if you don't. Don't be scared!
And then there's the one in five who contact me and are Europeans pretending to be American men trying to get my IM address. (Let's see, what was my first clue? That he claimed to be from Spokane, was holding an alligator, said his favorite hangouts were Covent Garden and Hyde Park, and called himself "cheeky"?
