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You have a mighty high opinion of yourself. Trust me when I tell you that, even if you didn't end up having your litter, if you'd made it to a certain age and were still single you'd end up giving "nerdy" guys a chance anyway. It's just the way that life is. Girls like you waste your youth on good looking, "charming" idiots and when that biological clock starts a tickin' or you realize that your looks are starting to fade or you realize that 40 is just around the corner and you're still not married you settle for that "nice" (which usually means pushover), nerdy guy who you thought was beneath you for so long.
Your new sucker- I mean husband- is only lucky that you came with so much baggage because that's probably the only thing that is insuring that you won't cheat on him. Lucky for him also is the fact that by the time your critters leave the nest you'll be too old and unatractive to find yourself another man when you realize that he's no longer "needed".
He gets to have a blonde and blue eyed little girl? How wonderful! I didn't realize we were still measuring people's worth by how white their skin is and how light their eyes are. Heil Hitler, lady.
You have a mighty high opinion of yourself. Trust me when I tell you that, even if you didn't end up having your litter, if you'd made it to a certain age and were still single you'd end up giving "nerdy" guys a chance anyway. It's just the way that life is. Girls like you waste your youth on good looking, "charming" idiots and when that biological clock starts a tickin' or you realize that your looks are starting to fade or you realize that 40 is just around the corner and you're still not married you settle for that "nice" (which usually means pushover), nerdy guy who you thought was beneath you for so long.
Your new sucker- I mean husband- is only lucky that you came with so much baggage because that's probably the only thing that is insuring that you won't cheat on him. Lucky for him also is the fact that by the time your critters leave the nest you'll be too old and unatractive to find yourself another man when you realize that he's no longer "needed".
He gets to have a blonde and blue eyed little girl? How wonderful! I didn't realize we were still measuring people's worth by how white their skin is and how light their eyes are. Heil Hitler, lady.
It's easy to say "I would" when you're not in the situation.
Are there single mothers out there who are single because they were abandoned by the father? Yes but even that abandonment has differing circumstances. After all, you, the single mother, chose to be with that man in the first place and you should've taken the time out to know exactly what he was like before you committed yourself to him.
Let's also not forget how many single mothers are out there because they chose to be permiscous and then decided to keep a child or several children after "accidentaly" getting pregnant. Let's also not forget the worst scenario; the single mother who has more than two children each by a different man. More often than not, single mothers are single because they chose to try and make a man responsible by introducing a child which in turn made the man run for the hills. Then they spend the rest of their lives pulling the old "bait and switch" like what happened to the original poster.
It sound like the issue has been resolved but the sad thing is that, if the OP continues to keep in touch with her, she will always see him as a potential candidate for the father of her children and they may "accidentaly" end up in the sack again only this time she'll make sure to get pregnant by him.
The best thing would be for the OP to just not keep any contact with this woman at all. It's the only way he'll ensure not being in an unwanted situation (fatherhood).
Again, for all the "If I were a single mother I'd be pickier..." crowd you have to remember that you're not a single mother BECAUSE you're pickier. It's not being picky that breeds single mothers.
I should not even bother posting here, but I can't seem to resist the urge. People change for lots of reason - both men and women. My ex, we were married for 10 years, is either involved in drugs or has mental issues. Either way, he refuses to seek help to deal with the problems that result. Today, he is definitely not the man I married in 1998. We were very happy for several years. We have two children and had a very comfortable life together that involved lots of travel and fun. That all started to change about 3 years ago. He's a "father" to them when he's "up" or not in jail for driving without a license - he has charges pending in GA, TN & NC. You would never know anything is wrong if you knew him casually. He's an upper level professional with a very large company and is a highly sought after employee with all the right qualifications. In fact, right now he is missing out on a fantastic opportunity because his recent arrest for driving without a license over Thanksgiving showed up on his background check after he was offered an advancement. I still have no idea what changed him so irrevocably about 3 years ago and I'm still encouraging him to get help for the sake of our children. But, as for me, I'm done with the drama. There is a lot more to the story that I will not get into, but I suppose if I had that crystal ball that I mentioned earlier in the thread or had I know you existed so I could consult with you and get all the right answers and advice, I could have seen this coming. Unfortunately, I didn't. And unfortunately there are many women out there who are now single because of reasons much like this. There are military wives that are left in the dust after a tour or an affair tore their marriage apart. There are women left for a newer model. I'm sure this happens to men too.
I have someone in my life now, but I don't know that I will ever marry again. He understand that and he understands that I'm not looking for a daddy for my sons. I also do not ask or allow him to support me. I take care of myself and of my children. If all goes as planned, I will add that Ph.D to my name well before I'm 40, lucky for me huh? Cause by then I'll be all old and used up and my chances of attracting a man to take care of me and my "critters" will have plunged into the toilet.
Perhaps, oh great relationship swami, you should consider turning off Maury and Jerry Springer, putting down the remote and realizing that your 3 little scenarios can't possibly fit all the single mothers in the world. Your ignorance and your bias are showing and I'm disgusted by both.
The fact that you are asking shows how pathetic you are. If you genuinely loved her you wouldn't care. You obviously don't so you should clear off and let the woman find a decent guy.
The fact that you are asking shows how pathetic you are. If you genuinely loved her you wouldn't care. You obviously don't so you should clear off and let the woman find a decent guy.
I don't think you're paying attention. The woman hid her kids from the guy for quite a while. I think he's far more concerned about that than the actual fact that she has kids. And I think any reasonable person would agree.
I should not even bother posting here, but I can't seem to resist the urge. People change for lots of reason - both men and women. My ex, we were married for 10 years, is either involved in drugs or has mental issues. Either way, he refuses to seek help to deal with the problems that result. Today, he is definitely not the man I married in 1998. We were very happy for several years. We have two children and had a very comfortable life together that involved lots of travel and fun. That all started to change about 3 years ago. He's a "father" to them when he's "up" or not in jail for driving without a license - he has charges pending in GA, TN & NC. You would never know anything is wrong if you knew him casually. He's an upper level professional with a very large company and is a highly sought after employee with all the right qualifications. In fact, right now he is missing out on a fantastic opportunity because his recent arrest for driving without a license over Thanksgiving showed up on his background check after he was offered an advancement. I still have no idea what changed him so irrevocably about 3 years ago and I'm still encouraging him to get help for the sake of our children. But, as for me, I'm done with the drama. There is a lot more to the story that I will not get into, but I suppose if I had that crystal ball that I mentioned earlier in the thread or had I know you existed so I could consult with you and get all the right answers and advice, I could have seen this coming. Unfortunately, I didn't. And unfortunately there are many women out there who are now single because of reasons much like this. There are military wives that are left in the dust after a tour or an affair tore their marriage apart. There are women left for a newer model. I'm sure this happens to men too.
I have someone in my life now, but I don't know that I will ever marry again. He understand that and he understands that I'm not looking for a daddy for my sons. I also do not ask or allow him to support me. I take care of myself and of my children. If all goes as planned, I will add that Ph.D to my name well before I'm 40, lucky for me huh? Cause by then I'll be all old and used up and my chances of attracting a man to take care of me and my "critters" will have plunged into the toilet.
Perhaps, oh great relationship swami, you should consider turning off Maury and Jerry Springer, putting down the remote and realizing that your 3 little scenarios can't possibly fit all the single mothers in the world. Your ignorance and your bias are showing and I'm disgusted by both.
Well, like I said before, I didn't date single moms because of the crap that I saw happening around me. Not all of us are from the midwest and unfortounately, some of us grow up where the things that YOU only see in Maury and Jerry are happening around us. Growing up I had the good ol' "I refuse to be a statistic" mentality and that meant going out of my way to do well in school and stay out of trouble. That included staying out of girl trouble which meant looking out for what kind of girl to stay away from.
My brother was not so careful and he dated single moms. In high school, he actually had an 18 year old girlfriend with a 2 year old son when he was 15. She brought him around and the boy acted as if my brother was his dad.
My brother continued to date single mothers and they always used the kids to try to get him to settle down. He didn't have a job, an education past high school and he was on the verge of legal problems. But my brother is very good looking and has that charm that has already been mentioned before so these girls wanted to snag him. They weren't pragmatic at all because they were still in their early 20s so they hadn't matured enough to realize that they were hurting their children and that they didn't need to be with someone like my brother. One of them even had her kids call our house (by this time my brother, myself and our cousin were sharing a house) and ask for him after they had broken up! Is that healthy? Is that sane?
So you see, I'm not talking about women like you. I have a niece through marriage that is very much like fabumom07 in that she's going through a divorce and now dates but doesn't look for a relationship so she doesn't introduce her kids to her dates. She's at least doing good in that but her kids are still living within the drama that their idiotic father puts them through. There were extenuating circumstances to her situation as well (her mother essentially forced her to marry him because she got pregnant by him) but she was the one who chose that idiot to begin with and she was the one who chose to have another child by him when they couldn't even afford an apartment so it still falls on her.
So what do you want? Do you want it to be acknowledged that you don't fall into a steretoype? Well, you don't. PM me your address and I'll send you your laminated certificate of life achievement in the mail. Keep in mind though that it's exceptions that prove the rule. You just happen to be the exception...
but not the "the older you are and the more kids you have the less attractive you seem to men in general" rule. Sorry; facts are facts.
Again, for all the "If I were a single mother I'd be pickier..." crowd you have to remember that you're not a single mother BECAUSE you're pickier. It's not being picky that breeds single mothers.
Really? Does this apply to all those people who divorce after having children? I love how people can deduce so much about a person based just on the fact they have a child and they're not with the father anymore. When I meet a single mother, I don't fill in the blanks about what happened. I don't tell myself that she trusted the wrong guy or that she sleeps around. I wait til I get to know her before jumping to any conclusions. But it sounds like you're just prejudiced cause you've got people figured out before you ever meet them. You know, some people do get married, start families, and then discover they shouldn't have gotten married. Maybe one or both changed over the years making them no longer compatible, but by then, they already had kids. It's easy for people like you to look at them and say they should've done their homework on the other person before marrying them. Well, no matter how well you think you know someone, there will always be things that surprise you. You could marry someone at age 30, but if you think that person will be the same when they're 40 or 50, you're kidding yourself. The stigma you assign to single mothers is no different than the stigma people used to assign to divorced people. I remember when people would look at a divorced person and conclude he/she was at fault. Maybe they cheated, maybe they were a lousy husband/wife, etc. Thankfully, people don't do that anymore unless maybe you've been married 3 or more times. Now that divorce is more common, it's also more common to see single mothers. Maybe someday, that stigma will go away too.
Well, like I said before, I didn't date single moms because of the crap that I saw happening around me. Not all of us are from the midwest and unfortounately, some of us grow up where the things that YOU only see in Maury and Jerry are happening around us. Growing up I had the good ol' "I refuse to be a statistic" mentality and that meant going out of my way to do well in school and stay out of trouble. That included staying out of girl trouble which meant looking out for what kind of girl to stay away from.
My brother was not so careful and he dated single moms. In high school, he actually had an 18 year old girlfriend with a 2 year old son when he was 15. She brought him around and the boy acted as if my brother was his dad.
My brother continued to date single mothers and they always used the kids to try to get him to settle down. He didn't have a job, an education past high school and he was on the verge of legal problems. But my brother is very good looking and has that charm that has already been mentioned before so these girls wanted to snag him. They weren't pragmatic at all because they were still in their early 20s so they hadn't matured enough to realize that they were hurting their children and that they didn't need to be with someone like my brother. One of them even had her kids call our house (by this time my brother, myself and our cousin were sharing a house) and ask for him after they had broken up! Is that healthy? Is that sane?
So you see, I'm not talking about women like you. I have a niece through marriage that is very much like fabumom07 in that she's going through a divorce and now dates but doesn't look for a relationship so she doesn't introduce her kids to her dates. She's at least doing good in that but her kids are still living within the drama that their idiotic father puts them through. There were extenuating circumstances to her situation as well (her mother essentially forced her to marry him because she got pregnant by him) but she was the one who chose that idiot to begin with and she was the one who chose to have another child by him when they couldn't even afford an apartment so it still falls on her.
So what do you want? Do you want it to be acknowledged that you don't fall into a steretoype? Well, you don't. PM me your address and I'll send you your laminated certificate of life achievement in the mail. Keep in mind though that it's exceptions that prove the rule. You just happen to be the exception...
but not the "the older you are and the more kids you have the less attractive you seem to men in general" rule. Sorry; facts are facts.
So you have come to the conclusion that you have all single mothers figured out based upon a very small demographic and your brother? Wow! As for what I want, I merely wanted to state through an example that regardless of the high five's you are getting, your scenarios are not infallibe, yet they are disturbingly stereotypical. And as for your "rule", I couldn't care less. I have had more than enough of the type that can't see past the physical. So my interest would be with them anyway.
I should not even bother posting here, but I can't seem to resist the urge. People change for lots of reason - both men and women. My ex, we were married for 10 years, is either involved in drugs or has mental issues. Either way, he refuses to seek help to deal with the problems that result. Today, he is definitely not the man I married in 1998. We were very happy for several years. We have two children and had a very comfortable life together that involved lots of travel and fun. That all started to change about 3 years ago. He's a "father" to them when he's "up" or not in jail for driving without a license - he has charges pending in GA, TN & NC. You would never know anything is wrong if you knew him casually. He's an upper level professional with a very large company and is a highly sought after employee with all the right qualifications. In fact, right now he is missing out on a fantastic opportunity because his recent arrest for driving without a license over Thanksgiving showed up on his background check after he was offered an advancement. I still have no idea what changed him so irrevocably about 3 years ago and I'm still encouraging him to get help for the sake of our children. But, as for me, I'm done with the drama. There is a lot more to the story that I will not get into, but I suppose if I had that crystal ball that I mentioned earlier in the thread or had I know you existed so I could consult with you and get all the right answers and advice, I could have seen this coming. Unfortunately, I didn't. And unfortunately there are many women out there who are now single because of reasons much like this. There are military wives that are left in the dust after a tour or an affair tore their marriage apart. There are women left for a newer model. I'm sure this happens to men too.
I have someone in my life now, but I don't know that I will ever marry again. He understand that and he understands that I'm not looking for a daddy for my sons. I also do not ask or allow him to support me. I take care of myself and of my children. If all goes as planned, I will add that Ph.D to my name well before I'm 40, lucky for me huh? Cause by then I'll be all old and used up and my chances of attracting a man to take care of me and my "critters" will have plunged into the toilet.
Perhaps, oh great relationship swami, you should consider turning off Maury and Jerry Springer, putting down the remote and realizing that your 3 little scenarios can't possibly fit all the single mothers in the world. Your ignorance and your bias are showing and I'm disgusted by both.
You know very little about what getting a PhD means and what it entails, or you would not have said what you said.
You know very little about what getting a PhD means and what it entails, or you would not have said what you said.
Do you know me, my age or my field?
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