Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's been well over 10 years since I had a relationship with a female, which was back in high school. It never got to a very intimate level.
Anyway, since then I've always been quite lonely, and dealing with the emotional need was tough. I've been in contact with several girls throughout the period, in college, but they never were intersted. I remember this one girl I fell real bad for who worked in a Sears, but even though she was friendly, she wasn't interested either. It seems the type of girl who I am attracted to, usually slim petite brunettes with a sweet shy personality, seem to go for rougher, rather tall bad boy types (as most women do). Being short myself (5'2) I figure a petite would work out best for me, I believe it is often best to date someone of similar height, at least thats what I feel comfortable with. Yet given some stuff I have been seeing on The Science Channel, it seems women are attracted to guys totally their opposite, which does not bode well for me, as agressive, pushy personality types (the opposite of my personality) would be my option.
Anyway the emotional need for a relationship is now turning quite physical, making my anxiety disorder, IBS, and other problems worse. When I see a girl I like or I get turned on my stomach gets all shaky and my nervous system goes into overload. I guess all these years of being alone is finally having an effect.
I've tried online dating services such as Match.com but they have been utterly useless as I never seem to get any responses.
I'm just sick of being alone, longing for a sweet petite to hold me at night.
I know it's a very personal issue that I will probably regret bringing up on the internet, as countless people usually take advantage of posts like these to tease or fool me, but I'd like to hear some advice on what to do.
It doesn't help that I'm ridiclously shy. I saw a nice girl on a bus the other day and was trying to see if we could start up a conversation, but she was too busy reading a book. Some girls will smile at me but if I want to get involved in a conversation it just doesn't happen.
Valentines is around the corner, and with spring and summer coming it will be quite hard to deal with seeing the women looking nice...and well you get the idea.
It just seems to me that you've got yourself into an anxiety situation about this because you've become so focused on it and I guess my advice to you would be to shift your focus. NOTHING is worth this level of anxiety. There are so many things to do in the world, so many places to see, interests to cultivate, places and things to experience my suggestion to you is to do more of those things. I don't really know anyone that found the love of their life while they were focusing on it so hard it made them ill. Stop looking at shows that tell you what women want, science based or otherwise, stop signing up for internet sites to meet women.
I'd suggest you do a little bit of self discovery and found out some more about you and what you like and enjoy and learn to be happy within yourself. When you've mastered that a little, perhaps then think about finding a lady. Life is too short to be beating yourself up for your percieved flaws or for not attaining this goal you've set yourself up for that may or may not make you happy.
Go and join Toastmasters or a confidence/self esteem group. Learn to talk to ANYONE, anywhere, any time and be comfortable. Learn to love living in you, being you.
Hope that didn't sound too harsh, not meant to, but I think (and it's only my opinion based on what you've said here) you really need to learn to love your life and be comfortable in your skin before you can hope to draw someone to you. Good luck.
I use to date a guy about your size and he said it was always a problem, that women wanted taller men.. I never saw the problem myself. Think of it like he did, he said he was a Greek God, just 1/3 the size.
It has been over 10 years since I have been in a relationship and probably 5 years since I went on a date. Every now and then I think I would like to be in a relationship with someone but then I remember that date and think "why?". My life is great just like it is, not a problem anywhere. I am happy with my life just like it is...
There are plenty of things that interest me that I am involved in, such as hiking and photography, so finding a woman is not the only thing I think of. But I still need someone, and I often am reminded of this when I see other couples. The only place, oddly enough, that I dont feel lonely is in the middle of the woods, because there's nothing to make me think of women.
I don't have a problem with the way I look, I dont think I'm any less of a man because I'm 5'2. But trust me, its quite difficult for women to not look past it, most of the time I can tell their expression when they look at me. It's sorta like "what a nice man, but I'm not turned on", whereas when they look at tall guys it's "here's my hero, my tall dark knight" kinda deal.
I cant dismiss it because I know it exists
I realize this may belong in the Relationships forum, but for me I do feel it is a health issue, as it is a known fact that people who dont have relationships and marry have more health problems.
Johninwestbury, I've moved this to the Relationship forum because though it feels like a health issue to you, the heart of the topic is really about relationships.
I'm sure there are plenty of nice people here who can give you some good advice.
There are plenty of things that interest me that I am involved in, such as hiking and photography, so finding a woman is not the only thing I think of. But I still need someone, and I often am reminded of this when I see other couples. The only place, oddly enough, that I dont feel lonely is in the middle of the woods, because there's nothing to make me think of women.
I don't have a problem with the way I look, I dont think I'm any less of a man because I'm 5'2. But trust me, its quite difficult for women to not look past it, most of the time I can tell their expression when they look at me. It's sorta like "what a nice man, but I'm not turned on", whereas when they look at tall guys it's "here's my hero, my tall dark knight" kinda deal.
I cant dismiss it because I know it exists
I realize this may belong in the Relationships forum, but for me I do feel it is a health issue, as it is a known fact that people who dont have relationships and marry have more health problems.
I don't know that this is true. Health has much more to do with how you treat your body and what sort of thoughts run round in your mind. I know lots of healthy, single people, myself being one of them. In fact, many of the married people I know are stressed out over aspects of their relationships which in turn, they take out on food, alcohol, sedentary life style, etc. Health is really in your own hands, not withstanding genetic aspects or predisposed illnesses/conditions. Healthy body, mind, spirit, soul, etc can all be cultivated and you need not be married to make this happen.
There are plenty of things that interest me that I am involved in, such as hiking and photography...
Hiking and photography are solitary pursuits... however they can also be done in a group setting. Find other people to hike with, or volunteer to help out your local boy scout troop.
With your photography, share your pictures. Teach a photography course to students. You are probably taking landscape pictures on your hikes, go to a park and take candid pictures of people and their pets instead, or local sporting events or happenings. Make a photography business card. A local paper might want your pictures, or the people you are taking pictures of. Make a website or better yet start a blog. See if you can exhibit your pictures at a local public library. Get yourself out there among people. And look for other activities to volunteer at. If there is a Habitat for Humanity project in your area, join them. Walk dogs at a shelter. Get a dog, one that is goofy and friendly for good company. And having a dog is a great ice breaker with women. Volunteer at an old people's home. Be sincerely nice to those seniors. And one may have a grand daughter to fix you up with. Plus older people are very easy to talk to. And they will make you feel better about your life as they have a great perspective on life in general.
Just get out there and meet a bunch of new people. Don't focus on trying to meet only single women. And whatever you do, DON'T talk about being so lonely, or your long dating dry spell. That will only scare women off.
I've not ever married and stopped dating 10 years ago. Having dates isn't going to make my life any better unless that man can open another world to me...but movies, dinners- I can do that all by myself.
It would really be nice to have someone interested in art, travel, books, boating/yachting, philanthropy, etc.
You are in NY, take some classes, anything that puts you with other people!! I know stress can exasperate IBS and anxiety, but you have to get through the fear and go to coffee shops and say hello, get to know the barista, take your laptop there. Talk to people. I have had 2 dates in 8 years, I live in a town with only 8500 people so I know but I have friends from the coffee cafe and people you see over and over again you begin to start a friendship. It isn't just about finding a date
I can really relate to you sir. I've never been in a serious relationship and feared that is how I would be judged by my peers. I told a really good friend of mine and she said God is just saving us from heartbreak, grief, and strife. Unfortunately, even if you met your bride to be and got married tomorrow it wouldn't change the past 10 years or so. Therefore it's pointless to try and either erase or reverse the past and just accept it for what it is. Also, my parents told me of the self-fulfilling prophecy theory. If you fear something happening and do everything to try to avoid it, you may actually be heading right for it. I think whatever is going to happen, will happen, and only god really knows what that is.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
