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Even though I'm with you on not wanting to turn my life upside down and/or move, I recognize that if I'm not willing to do something I can't expect other people to do it, either.
Agree with this. ANY relationship requires at least a little give and take.
Agree with this. ANY relationship requires at least a little give and take.
Just found the post , I have to say I understand all the comments and feelings of wanting time to your self ,But need to say after 45 yrs. with my wife , should she die first the last thing i would want is to be in a home alone. Yes life has been giving and also taking but i would not have wanted it any differance. Some time silence is not golden.
This whole thing occurred to me when I was reading something about back in the day when it was not acceptable to live together, sometimes a wealthy couple would have apartments next to each other with a secret door so it appeared they lived apart but in fact they had close access to each other.
It just made me think this would be the best of both worlds. For example, I can't imagine sharing a checking account with someone or completely turning over the money to my partner. Some nights, I like having the whole bed to myself. Some nights I don't go to sleep until the morning for whatever reason, I don't have to explain that to anyone. Some nights my daughter sleeps with me. I eat in bed, terrible habit but there it is and I am not at my age going to STOP eating in bed. I just had Cape Cod potato chips and French Onion dip, this would annoy most people I should imagine.
I think I have been single for so that I am not fit to be cooped up with someone else. Making that kind of commitmet is a frightening thing.
I think part of it is that I did have a bad experience with my daughters FAther. He had an opinion about my hair, what color it was, how long it was, no decorating in the house that would seem feminine, even down to the furniture, I could have no opinion. I savour being surrounded by flowers, I LOVE my hair short and red and I love how no one has anything to say about it.
Hurrah for you! I think too often we feel we must fit in with society and we're somewhat sensitive to how we're judged by those standards. When someone sees you're a 41 year old woman whose not married, no children, etc they think or are even brave enough to say "WHY aren't you married yet?" and perhaps they're thinking to themselves "What's WRONG with her that she isn't married or doesn't have children?" I know my coworkers are completely floored that every vacation I take is on my own. I just pick up, decide where I want to explore, and go. They seem to think "Oh how sad that you must go on vacation alone." It's not some ill fate or chance that has me taking solo vacations. I ENJOY them.
There are times, usually only 1 day a month (you get what I mean) when I"ll miss being in a relationship. More specifically though, I think during that time, I miss certain aspects of being in a relationship: being held, snuggling, etc. But more often than not, I do NOT miss most things: being criticized for the way I dress, decorate my house, utilize my time, do the dishes, whatever. I too have short hair and every time I've had a boyfriend, he wants it long. I cave and grow it, and hate it. After my last breakup, I said no more. Cut the hair short and keep it short. If people think because I'm single with no children and have short hair that I'm a dyke or whatever, so what? I don't care. If I happen to meet a man who likes long hair, too bad. He can grow it himself or find someone else. No more caving into the overt manipulation of being in public somewhere and having him point out a woman and say "Look at her hair. Isn't that nice? I think you'd look great with that hair, dress, shoes,"--fill in the blank.
Honestly, I love my alone time too much to ever get married again, and the lonely feelings are very few and far between. They're fleeting. I think the ideal set up would be just as you say: you retain your own dwelling, he retains his, you visit eachother and spend time when you want, and you don't when you don't want. No mixing of households or finances. No one meddling into your business.
I know I will never get married again. I'm gonna stick with the one I'm in.
i know lots of people that "ever" marry again.
5 times is common. but i know in your case its not guna happen you are guna have a good life.
live forever rance.
Even though I'm with you on not wanting to turn my life upside down and/or move, I recognize that if I'm not willing to do something I can't expect other people to do it, either. And no offense, but a middle-aged woman with a child and a zoo is hardly the dream offer everybody would go crazy enough about to turn his life upside down, realistically speaking...
Well if your trying to tell me I should bend over backwards to try and make myself and my life look better, give up where we live to move where he does, pull my daughter out of her comfort zone etc. you are SO Barking up the wrong tree.
I'm just not doing anything like that. If that means I live the rest of my life alone then I'm fine with that. My life is pretty awesome anyway. In the past I have been willing to give up small pieces of myself in order to make something work and it never helped. In fact a man requiring it was usually a sign that nothing would make it work.
Well if your trying to tell me I should bend over backwards to try and make myself and my life look better, give up where we live to move where he does, pull my daughter out of her comfort zone etc. you are SO Barking up the wrong tree.
I'm just not doing anything like that. If that means I live the rest of my life alone then I'm fine with that. My life is pretty awesome anyway. In the past I have been willing to give up small pieces of myself in order to make something work and it never helped. In fact a man requiring it was usually a sign that nothing would make it work.
Well, your life is your business obviously, but since you posted a thread about it I felt it was open to comments. I'm certainly not about to have a relationship with you... You just have to understand that other people have lives, children, and comfort zones as well and if you don't plan to give in an inch you'll definitely keep living your awesome life. If it's that awesome, I suppose having a relationship is a non-issue anyway.
I would love some companionship but I don't think I will ever marry again. Ideally I would love to find someone special, have him buy a house in my neighborhood rather then us living together. We could spend most of our time together but then we could still have time apart. We would have our own space but be close enough that it be convenient to get together.
I just don't think I can attach that ball and chain to my ankle again.
It's funny to hear a woman refer to the man as a 'ball & chain'. Usually it's the other way around.
Edit: But this kind of reminds me of a girl I used to work with. She was young and beautiful but she was this hard-nosed engineering chick who was opinionated and un-femenine as all get out aside from looks. Don't get the wrong idea. She was hetero. But we were talking one day and it just flew out of my mouth...."You'll probably never get married. You're too mean!"...which in itself was pretty mean and inappropriate. But we had a serious conversation after that...she really may never get married.
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You just have to understand that other people have lives, children, and comfort zones as well and if you don't plan to give in an inch you'll definitely keep living your awesome life. If it's that awesome, I suppose having a relationship is a non-issue anyway.
