U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-14-2009, 02:06 AM
 
16,448 posts, read 10,605,257 times
Reputation: 9187

Advertisements

"Those places tend to be frequented by those struggling with some problems in life."

I think that would describe everyone alive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-14-2009, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
15,819 posts, read 31,876,991 times
Reputation: 11822
Quote:
Originally Posted by wheregirl View Post
Thanks for your very helpful reply. Wow, I didn't know that some women go all the way to make it clear to a nice guy. Your wife must have already spotted you and wanted to meet you, otherwise she wouldn't have just said "yes" to any guy asking her to buy a beer for him, which is a very un-lady like duty. And then she had to do more prompting to get a kiss. So she must have been a very quick and good judge of character, so that she knew that you were worth the extra effort, ... or she did that with lots of "nice" guys?

How was she able to detect a nice guy quickly just by looking?

Boy, this is an eye-opener. I didn't know that women can be that forward. So this thing of that men have to lead, or initiate, in a courtship is really non-sense.

Then, at the later stage of your courtship did the same dynamic continue, that she helped you to ask her to get married, etc?

And she never felt less loved or less appreciated because she needed to help the man along---that is a strong lady!

I do like men with Christian values, the only problem is that most of the healthy normal young guys with Christian values do not attend churches regularly or belong to any Christian fellowship. Those places tend to be frequented by those struggling with some problems in life.

I think that she really just wanted to put their coats on a chair. When we asked them to buy a pictcher of beer, we were being sillly, and I think it was just kind of "Oh what the heck why not?" Her friend was really really interested in my friend (who did nto like her friend at all). We were about to graduate from college and neither she nor I had any intention of getting involved with anyone at that time. We all sat for a couple of hours and chatted before we left. She later said that when she saw my friend and I sitting there, she thought that we were gay. My friend bolted just as we werer leaving because he really did not like her friend and didnot want to walk her home so we all walked to her friends place and then I walked my wife home. So we had another hour to chat and joke around a bit. On the walk home she tripped and hurt her ankle so I carried her for the last five or ten blocks. (she was very little). Later I learned that she faked getting hurt to see if I would help her. Maybe she was impressed that I could carry her that far, maybe she was drunk. I do not know.

I was the persistent one, She gave me a phone number, but it was to the front desk, not her room (She lived in a sorority (which almost made me run away)). She dated a lot and had been burned a lot. Later when we were dating, we could not go anywhere without running into an Ex. It was kind of annoying, now it is a joke between us. If we go back to our college town, she points at random guys and says "I used to date that guy"

I brought a flower to her work the next day and invited her to come hang out (our room was kind of the meeting/discussion center for our dorm (I was in law school). She was not very interested, b ut really did nto have anything else to do. She enjoyed hanging out. Our room was the scene of never ending political, social, or orhet discussions that went on all night (probably becasue we had a full stocked bar in our room). Then I think I took her to Hell for a picnic the following weekend. She thought that was pretty cool and that is when she really got interested. Before that it was just sort of "why not?" I guess initially, I was more smitten than she was.

You are partially correct though. After we have been dating for six or seven months. I told her that I wanted her to move out to California, where I was going. (We had both just graduated). She said "I would love to move to California - with a ring on my finger. Otherwise I am going home." A month later, we were engaged. I was planning to propose to her anyway, but later.

You are right about a lot of young men (and women) not going to church. Too many traditional churches refuse to change and have become unable to attract younger worshipers. Too many "modern" chuirches go too far and are wierd, so a lot of people just stay home. Once you get into the habit of keeping Sunday for yourself instead of giving a day to God, it is hard to break that habit. It is nice to have another day for yourself. But I see a lot of really nice guys who participate in church activities, especially mission work, even if they do not attend church on Sunday. That may not be the final solution, but it certianly is a good place to meet a lot of nice guys. They do not all participate in chu=ch activities because they are trying to figure out some deep rooted personality disorder. There are some of those, but not all of them. Many just love God and/or want to help people.

Bythe way, another great way to meet a broad spectrum of guys is to get a job at a park. You kmeet a lot of people that way and get to watch them interract with their friends so you get some idea what they are like before you meet them. Other postesers are right. Look for the semi-quiet ones, not the agressive in your face types. Not the charmers. Not the show offfs. You want the stable steady guys who are maybe a little bit shy. You will find more nice guys of that type than any other.

That does not mean boring. I do nto think that I was broing. I was into some neat things (sailing, rock climbing, hiking, canoing, frisbee, I had been a clown and continued to do magic and balloons for charity events, i loved to travel) I had a really cool bird who went everywhere I went except to class and occaisionally he stayed home if I went to a bar or club. I was reasonably fun to be around, but only after I knew someone. I was never good at meeting new poeple. In part I was pretty shy. I think a lot of nice guys are that way and they may seem boring at a party or in a bar, but if you spent some time one on one or in a small group, you see a different side to them.

In my opinion, you should watch for guys who are chivalrous. Guys who open doors, give up their seats, let women go first, are willing to put themselves in discomfort if necessary so that a woman can be more comfortable. Not the ones who do this to show off or to flirt, but the ones who are turely chivalrous (i.e. they do these tthings for all women, not just for or in front of one that they are interested in). Watch for the guy who does not feel like he needs to show off or to be the center of attention all the time. Humility is a key attribute of a "nice guy" in my extimation. That tells you something about the way that they were raised. And yes, a nice guy is made. In most cases it is not something that is genetic or just happens.

I have learned a lot about how to identify a nice guy from watching my kids friends. I want them to hang out with nice guys, not the slimebuckets. And from this perspective it is a lot easier to single out the types that you wouold imagine. It is difficult when you are involved, but then you are a outside observer, the decent ones are obvious. It is also obvious to see how girls mess up again and again choosing the one who seem more outgoing and popular. There is a big difference between conficent and boisterous.

Identifying a nice guy, is the hard part I think. Winning the nice guy is easy, especially if you are reasonably attractive (all guys are very physical attraction oriented, it is our nature). Just be persistent.

Last edited by Coldjensens; 06-14-2009 at 07:36 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 07:19 AM
 
7,533 posts, read 6,141,104 times
Reputation: 6660
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason28 View Post
Most of what is said in this thread about women selecting bad boy types is true. I have been cast aside and ignored by most women because I'm not the overly assertive type to run right up to a girl and get her phone number or because I dont treat women like crap. I have had several friends throughout the years who treat women awful, cheat on them, lie to them, and they just run through attractive women like its nothing. I actually find it disgusting and personally label a woman as damaged goods as soon as I discover that she's frequented the "player" type of guys.

I have been single my entire life (albeit I did move around a lot and am fairly antisocial), I workout, I make six figures, I am handsome, I love cats, I'm sensitive, intelligent, good sense of humor, and have only had one sexual partner. I will probably remain single for quite some time to come simply because most women find my stability and honesty completely boring. Most women need to get through their heads that they arent going to be dating 007, and think about what they really want out of life, which brings me to my last few statements.

Most women do not know what they want out of life and this is what causes the majority of the problems. To be fair though, most people in general dont know what they want out of life. I also believe too many people rely heavily on their partner for happiness. Here's a tip. If you arent happy with yourself, being alone, you will not be magically happy when you're in a relationship, instead you will over time rub off all of your pessismistic ways on your partner. Happy hunting, I gave up awhile ago.
You will be much happier how you are Bro!

Women are very emotional and hard to deal with sometimes. They cry and get mad on a wim. You don't need that.

As for your statement about someone using someone else to be happy...I have a wife that is doing that. She is trying to get me to do the things she thinks will make her happy. It has drained my happiness because I am very content sitting by a camp fire by myself. I am happy alone.

I hope you have a great happy single life. You will thank me later for encouraging you to stay that way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 10:09 AM
Status: "Randall Flagg:Obama's Ebola Czar" (set 21 days ago)
 
4,835 posts, read 5,193,210 times
Reputation: 2497
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bideshi View Post
I don't know if you expected a serious reply, but guys aren't raised to be nice anymore (neither are gals) but to be competetive. You won't often hear anyone speaking highly of a "gentleman" or a "lady" because those stereotypes are passe and looked down upon in our society. As a society we are opportunistic, self-centered and material minded. Spirituality, morality, honor and decency are sniffed at and street smarts are valued instead. This is the way we are as a nation. You won't find many horses in a herd of zebras.

Being raised and being something are two different things. Remember, people usually rebel against their parents and society, and that rebelion some times continues on for the rest of their lives.

Also, one can indeed have "morality, spirituality and honor" as well as street smarts. Being able to hold one's own in a street fight does not mean that one wants to start one and being able to know how the ghetto works does not mean that one is a gangster themselves.

Being a gentlman and being a weakling are two different things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 10:20 AM
Status: "Randall Flagg:Obama's Ebola Czar" (set 21 days ago)
 
4,835 posts, read 5,193,210 times
Reputation: 2497
Bottom line is, there are plenty of nice guys out there, the "problem" this...THEY ARE ALL NERDS!

Women need to understand that the "nice guys" is not going to be a suave "prince charming" who looks like an underwear model, but is more likely going to be a all around dork.

Want to know wear the nice guys are? I already answered this question a while back and of course I got attacked for it because most women would not accept the truth and still cling to their hope that they can find a sex two, handsome man with a six pack, sports car, long flowing hair and exotic accent who is also a really nice guy (not saying that nice guys are not ever good looking)

IF you want a nice guy, you might have to lower your standards when it comes not only to looks, but also to social graces...I mean, a nice guy is probably allot more likely to be awkward then a player who knows how to be charming to get women in bed.

CHARM AND MORALITY ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

The GQ model chatting up the ladies, with all intention on dumping the minute he bags them? Charming...and a bastard.

The awkward fellow who volunteers at the animal shelter and helps his elderly neighbor with her yard work? A nice guy who like most gentlman, is shy and awkward.

So, to the OP, the question is, do you want a good looking, suave, charming man, or a nice guy? Think about that before you complain.

Anyway, here is my thread where I explained how to find a nice guy awhile back:

To women who complain that there are "no good men out there"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
15,819 posts, read 31,876,991 times
Reputation: 11822
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post

Being a gentlman and being a weakling are two different things.

Great qoute - you should make a poster
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 11:26 AM
 
Location: southern california
49,814 posts, read 46,924,638 times
Reputation: 41062
not sure but they been gone a long time look at this thread.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
15,819 posts, read 31,876,991 times
Reputation: 11822
By the way; models do not necessarily have to be good looking. They just have to wear clothing well. I was a model for a year whne I was 19. I worked with a lot of male models. Many are pretty average looking without makeup and air brushing. Some are really good looking I guess, but I am a poor judge of what makes a guy good looking. I think that is is more subjective than with women.

Anyway what you need is broad shoulders and a narrow waist. That is about it. They can fix anything else. Even television can fancy up your apearance. I did some cable tv clothng store ads and sometimes I did not even recognize me when they were done.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 01:37 PM
 
511 posts, read 766,483 times
Reputation: 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
Bottom line is, there are plenty of nice guys out there, the "problem" this...THEY ARE ALL NERDS!

Women need to understand that the "nice guys" is not going to be a suave "prince charming" who looks like an underwear model, but is more likely going to be a all around dork.

Want to know wear the nice guys are? I already answered this question a while back and of course I got attacked for it because most women would not accept the truth and still cling to their hope that they can find a sex two, handsome man with a six pack, sports car, long flowing hair and exotic accent who is also a really nice guy (not saying that nice guys are not ever good looking)

IF you want a nice guy, you might have to lower your standards when it comes not only to looks, but also to social graces...I mean, a nice guy is probably allot more likely to be awkward then a player who knows how to be charming to get women in bed.

CHARM AND MORALITY ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

The GQ model chatting up the ladies, with all intention on dumping the minute he bags them? Charming...and a bastard.

The awkward fellow who volunteers at the animal shelter and helps his elderly neighbor with her yard work? A nice guy who like most gentlman, is shy and awkward.

So, to the OP, the question is, do you want a good looking, suave, charming man, or a nice guy? Think about that before you complain.

Anyway, here is my thread where I explained how to find a nice guy awhile back:

To women who complain that there are "no good men out there"
Exactly which women are you referring to? Unless a women is top shelf material herself, she can't be as picky as you describe.

You are comparing two extremes. You're forgetting about all the guys in the middle. This is where women(under 25) make there mistake when dating. They always date the "bad boy"(extreme) and anybody that falls outside of that is a "nerd"(extreme). The average guy is not a "nerd". I'm an average guy and I can understand why women would not be attracted to nerds lol. I would think that most women(late 20's+) want an average guy that's nice and know's how to have fun.

Last edited by bgNCATL; 06-14-2009 at 02:03 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2009, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,844 posts, read 54,271,543 times
Reputation: 22788
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
They can fix anything else. Even television can fancy up your apearance. I did some cable tv clothng store ads and sometimes I did not even recognize me when they were done.
That's the concept most men don't get when looking at magazine covers, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top