Where have all the 'nice guys' gone?

[wheregirl]

Thank you! I have been receiving a great education here, you've been really helpful.

Well, you are a nice guy. You also fit the pattern that I see about nice guys.

May I ask you: were you raised in the Midwest? I have found that there seems to be more nice people from the Midwest or South than other parts of the country.

O.K. so now I have to explain to you why I asked the question, even though you didn't answer the question. It is not heard to guess the answer.

Please don't get mad or insulted at my following observations. It is sad enough for me to understand these reality about life and am trying to figure out a way to deal with it. I am not willing to believe a lot of the nice un-truth that floats around any more. I will deal with life as it is, not as people wishing it to be.

You see, the society teaches young girls a bunch of things that are not what really goes on in the world. If your wife had been one of those women that are really "nice", who give a lot of compunction of not dating two guys at the same time, let alone sleeping with more than one at the same time, she wouldn't have stood a chance dating you, let alone marrying you. She wasn't the first one of this type that you had relationships with, pretty much most of your other relationships were with the similar type.

Please don't get angry at me for this observation, as I know that you are not nice at all when you are angry!

It is not personal. I do not want to offend you or your wife. It is merely a fact of life that I have observed. A nice guy would not go for a nice girl. There would be no chemistry, no fun, no "spunk". I place no negative judgment on the women who sleep and date with more than one guy at the same time, and who have all sort of ways of making the guys fall for them. I just notice that the nice women who don't do all of the above do not end up with as nice guys or as good choices as those women who do the above. In fact, they are often hardly even noticed by the nice guys.

This is just how it really works. It is the flip-side of the nice girls go for the bad boys. Sad, but true. Better face the reality.

So please don't get angry at me and don't take anything personally.

So what is a nice girl who no longer wants to be the target of the 'bad boys" do? She has to gain some experiences, become somewhat a "bad girl", if she wants to be with a nice guy. How can she do that without getting jaded? Just look at how well those "bad girls" (not sleezy girls) ended up with as opposed to those "nice girls". The end goal is good.

Now, how would she do that without getting burned in the process? Any advice?

Originally Posted by Coldjensens

I was raised as a methodist, but I was not tied to any one denomination. If I heard about a mission trip that sounded good, I would try to go. Usually it was working on a house or digging irrigation or something. It was for poor people in remote places and once in Mexico. Once on an Indain reservation. I heard about these trims from people at school or from the clinic for battered women.

Although I always had strong faith, I pretty much abhored organized religion for a long time. My wife was raised as an episcopalian. We returned to the church (methodist) when we had kids. Now we go to a presbyterian church becuase there is no methodist church where we live. Presbyterians are a little stuffy, plus it is impossible to spell, but it is still full of good people. Denomination really does not matter to me. I have issues with rote liturgy where people do not know what they are even saying, but for the most part I can go to church in any kind of christian church as long as I am welcome, I am comfortable there.

[nebulous1]

Please don't get mad or insulted at my following observations.
Please don't get angry at me for this observation, as I know that you are not nice at all when you are angry!
So please don't get angry at me and don't take anything personally.

You really are worried about someone online's reaction this much?????????

[Waynec613]

Originally Posted by wheregirl

stuff, and things

For god's sake don't take the smattering of responses you get on this forum as gospel, or as anything but a few random opinions often times from people who might not have the greatest perspective, myself included.

Christ, if I thought for a second this was a realistic representation of the population that posted here I'd have to chew a bullet for most of the crap that's shoveled.

Women in "open" relationships preaching, guy's who think the female is only usable/useful as a sperm receptacle, other's in poly, and a decent amount so bitter about their personal history that they simply aren't capable of a relationship outside of a hug and an orgasm. It's trippy.

Most guys I know don't fit theses stereotypes, their just guys, this "bad boy", "nice guy" crap might just give me the sh*ts like drinking the water in jamaca. There are "nice bad boys", as they have a bit of confidence in themselves, but still actually HAVE a career, and at least part of an education. And there are "bad nice guys". You won't find someone better simply because they're wearing a pocket-protector, or a better lay because they have a leather jacket and a bike.

People can't be fit into nice neat catagories, if you're not finding the kind of individuals you'd like to have relationships with, then change things, venue, whatever.

[wheregirl]

No, you've missed the point. I didn't draw any conclusions from this forum, but from observations in life. These are not stereotypes---it is called archetypes. There is deep truth in them and you'll find it in all the great literature.

Have you read the book "The unbearable lightness of being"? That nice, sincere and pretty girl that was trapped with that jerk/womanizer, you can write the same book with the nice girl changed into a nice guy with a manipulative/bitchy"manizer" woman and it would portray real life just as accurately.

That is why the author wrote another book called "The laughable human love" It is not just the romantic love, the so-called parental love isn't any truer.

Some church goers are more deluded than the people who can actually see through these human non-sense(rather than covering them up), so they actually know God less than the so-called cynics.

Originally Posted by Waynec613

For god's sake don't take the smattering of responses you get on this forum as gospel, or as anything but a few random opinions often times from people who might not have the greatest perspective, myself included.

Christ, if I thought for a second this was a realistic representation of the population that posted here I'd have to chew a bullet for most of the crap that's shoveled.

Women in "open" relationships preaching, guy's who think the female is only usable/useful as a sperm receptacle, other's in poly, and a decent amount so bitter about their personal history that they simply aren't capable of a relationship outside of a hug and an orgasm. It's trippy.

Most guys I know don't fit theses stereotypes, their just guys, this "bad boy", "nice guy" crap might just give me the sh*ts like drinking the water in jamaca. There are "nice bad boys", as they have a bit of confidence in themselves, but still actually HAVE a career, and at least part of an education. And there are "bad nice guys". You won't find someone better simply because they're wearing a pocket-protector, or a better lay because they have a leather jacket and a bike.

People can't be fit into nice neat catagories, if you're not finding the kind of individuals you'd like to have relationships with, then change things, venue, whatever.

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by neonwattagelimit

I'd just like to note that plenty of nice, decent, upstanding people go to bars. They may not do so to get wrecked or have one-night stands, but just to unwind and have a few drinks.

If you don't drink, you may want to steer clear of them because you'll feel kind of awkward, I'd imagine (could be wrong, though). But "nice guys" can be found in all walks of life - I'm one (usually) and I drink, and I'm not religious.

'Course, if religion and sobriety are important to you, that's cool, and you probably would not get along with someone like me. Nevertheless, as I said, there is no one way to be a decent person.

Going to a bar doesn't mean you have to drink. Usually when I go to a bar, I just have Cokes. I go for karaoke, not to get smashed. I might also play a few games of pool while I'm there, and intoxication doesn't do me any favors there either.

[lordbaltimore]

The "bad boy" and "thug image" has been marketed for a very long time now. They have been marketed toward women,( not that they need to, they have always be en-vogue) much in the same way that men have been encouraged to have sex with as many "beautiful women as possible". There are several cd's, books, magazine and internet articles and such that are at this moment telling men how to "seduce any woman you want". So maybe there is a double edged sword here. They go hand-in-hand.

[lordbaltimore]

Originally Posted by bgNCATL

You hit the nail on the head with this post. I think the "bad boy" has been around forever, but within the last 10-15 years, it has gotten out of hand with a lot of women. Actually the "Bad boy" has progressed into a "Thug". Women want a "thug" now or a guy with a little thug in them.

The "thug image" has been glamorized in the last several years. It does seem that a lot of women gravitate towards that type of person now. In probably most cases, the bad boy has turned into the "thug". Look at the movies and the music. The "thug" in many cases is a bmoc.

[headhunter18]

Originally Posted by lordbaltimore

The "bad boy" and "thug image" has been marketed for a very long time now. They have been marketed toward women,( not that they need to, they have always be en-vogue) much in the same way that men have been encouraged to have sex with as many "beautiful women as possible". There are several cd's, books, magazine and internet articles and such that are at this moment telling men how to "seduce any woman you want". So maybe there is a double edged sword here. They go hand-in-hand.

The thing about this is that women shouldn't complain about not having nice guys when a lot of them shoot down the really nice gentlemen who approach them in favor of the "bad boy" or the "thug", this is setting a very dangerous precedent in the society because if women themselves want to trample over the nice guys in favor of the a**holes, it's a motivation for the nicer gentlemen to not be such a way, which would make most of the men in the coming generations d-bags, it's like going back to the old times when women were not given equal representation and not given many rights, why would women want to go back to such times, when you are given an option of choosing between a nice guy and a d-bag, why would you go for a d-bag unless you want to be ill treated and heart broken.

Women who for the most part rejected nicer men in favor of the thuggish looking dirtbags have no reason to complain when they end up single out of abusive relationships, if they have someone to blame at all, it's only themselves.

[Prince_Frog]

I'm here. I just got tired of repeated rejections and stopped trying for a while.

Until I do, I'm always here.

[d-boy-80]

Originally Posted by headhunter18

The thing about this is that women shouldn't complain about not having nice guys when a lot of them shoot down the really nice gentlemen who approach them in favor of the "bad boy" or the "thug", this is setting a very dangerous precedent in the society because if women themselves want to trample over the nice guys in favor of the a**holes, it's a motivation for the nicer gentlemen to not be such a way, which would make most of the men in the coming generations d-bags, it's like going back to the old times when women were not given equal representation and not given many rights, why would women want to go back to such times, when you are given an option of choosing between a nice guy and a d-bag, why would you go for a d-bag unless you want to be ill treated and heart broken.

Women who for the most part rejected nicer men in favor of the thuggish looking dirtbags have no reason to complain when they end up single out of abusive relationships, if they have someone to blame at all, it's only themselves.

Lots of truth in there. I will add some.

Women like drama and there is so much drama from going out with a bad boy. Its something sad really. Because I am sure deep down these women are decent people, but they just are not thinking with their brains. Perhaps its due to it being smaller

It seems like women don't grow up until their looks past. Then all of a sudden they are interested in good guys. Or they won't spread their legs to decent guys unless he has a good paying job. However, if you are scum they will gladly spread their legs. Disgusting really, since its that way I rather stick to Eastern European prostitutes and women. Even if they are lose at least they sleep with everything and not just scum like American women do.