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Old 02-17-2009, 11:44 AM
 
456 posts, read 856,458 times
Reputation: 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
I could never have sex with a friend. Sex changes and complicates things. I guess I am old fashioned and see sex as something which comes with that little extra bit of relationship. My Fiance is my best friend and that is the way I like it.


But casual sex with someone you love ( like a friend) with no strings attached would to me be impossible. I would develop "strings" because intimacy takes the relationship to a completely different level. I would also be terrified it would ruin a beautiful friendship.

When I was younger a lot of my male friends ( most of my friends were male) expressed an interest and I always said no because though sometimes it might have been tempting I valued the relationship we had far more.

I guess to me sex means commitment. A bit anachronistic these days but never mind I was never one for being trendy !
Basically sex is just too great to make it into something casual. And so is friendship. I think sex with a friend devalues both.

I also think most time there will always be one person who expects more from the relationship and someone will end up being hurt. I just don't really see how it works.
Yes. Well said.
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 12,717,887 times
Reputation: 12200
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatwave13 View Post
....and me too. There are a few of us still left who are not into the promiscuous lifestyle, but it looks like we're in the minority.
I don't think your in the minority. It's just not "popular" or "politically correct" anymore to not be into the promiscuous lifestyle, expecially on city data.
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,851 posts, read 51,384,867 times
Reputation: 22717
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
I don't think your in the minority. It's just not "popular" or "politically correct" anymore to not be into the promiscuous lifestyle, expecially on city data.
Easy, easy, easy! I hardly know of anybody having as many specific male dreams as you, dear! I'm single and I don't!
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 12,717,887 times
Reputation: 12200
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Easy, easy, easy! I hardly know of anybody having as many specific male dreams as you, dear! I'm single and I don't!
Hey now, you leave my fantasizing about Denzel, Kenny and Tim outta this!! LOL

I would NEVER sleep with all of them...................... at one time
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
10,663 posts, read 10,310,394 times
Reputation: 10550
Quote:
I would NEVER sleep with all of them...................... at one time
Oh, never say never.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: On the Sunny Side of the Street
355 posts, read 521,905 times
Reputation: 202
Friends with benefits? I'd never do it. I want the full meal deal, not some tawdry screw every now and then with somebody I'm not even in love with.
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:43 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,372,112 times
Reputation: 6671
Excellent point of view. I'm the same way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Degenerate View Post
Friends with benefits? I'd never do it. I want the full meal deal, not some tawdry screw every now and then with somebody I'm not even in love with.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:59 PM
 
Location: CT, NY & HI
720 posts, read 526,142 times
Reputation: 662
Here’s my admittedly long take on this subject. Those who think FWB is a myth truly do not believe in nor fully understand it.

Any kind of relationship—whether it be friends, FWB, casual/booty call, serious monogamous, marriage, etc.—is essentially an understanding between the people involved. As long as both people have the same attitude and understanding, the relationship can work no matter what it is.

The problems are twofold: The first is that people have compatibility issues, and that’s quite understandable. The second and most dominant, is that we are continually faced with pressure from society and its moral statutes to think we want certain things. Society fervently enforces wholesome monogamous family values, for what it believes are very good reasons, casting all else as deviant behavior. While these reasons are in fact very good, they are not sufficient to claim that this behavior is ideal for everyone, and so via these unfortunate means, alternatives to this mainstream lifestyle like the FWB, casual, etc. get unnecessarily harsh stigmas.

Previous posters in this thread commented on the separation of sex from emotion, which is a key element to the FWB. This is where people differ and become confused. Some think doing so is responsible and mature for your own health, while others think it is emotionally deranged and irresponsible to others. The truth lies not in whether you actually separate sex from emotion but rather your ability to see that it is both possible and reasonable. True maturity comes with realizing and adapting to the fact that sex is amphibious: for every person and couple, it is a constant balance between physical and emotional, with each point on the spectrum having its own unique pros and cons. Good relationships happen when people agree on this.

What people need to do is stop blindly obeying external sources that try to tell you what you want for reasons that may not apply to you. People should figure out what the best plan is for themselves and invest their emotions accordingly.

For example, me: a student, young (21) and moving away for 4 months in May. Is it worth my time to invest in a serious relationship that I know will soon face location issues? In my opinion, no it is not, and so to fulfill my biologically sexual urges, the FWB is a healthy alternative. Right now I have 3 FWBs, who all understand the nature of the relationship. I am honest with them in the beginning and I stay true to my word. I like hanging out with them as friends, and am sexually attracted to them. We all have fine sex lives and everyone is satisfied. If that changes for any of them, they’ll have to go. I had one FWB back in September that didn’t believe me at first and lied by saying she was okay with it, secretly thinking I was bound to change my mind after a few weeks with her. Needless to say it didn’t work out.

That’s how things are. I’ve been in relationships before and I know how they are. I see my options and I choose the best one for me. Others should do the same, and to each their own. Thanks for reading, sorry for the bump, but I really wanted to engage this subject, as I frequently get crap from my friends about it.
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Old 02-22-2009, 04:36 PM
 
Location: In my skin
7,927 posts, read 8,499,281 times
Reputation: 7658
Quote:
Originally Posted by celcius View Post
Here’s my admittedly long take on this subject. Those who think FWB is a myth truly do not believe in nor fully understand it.

Any kind of relationship—whether it be friends, FWB, casual/booty call, serious monogamous, marriage, etc.—is essentially an understanding between the people involved. As long as both people have the same attitude and understanding, the relationship can work no matter what it is.

The problems are twofold: The first is that people have compatibility issues, and that’s quite understandable. The second and most dominant, is that we are continually faced with pressure from society and its moral statutes to think we want certain things. Society fervently enforces wholesome monogamous family values, for what it believes are very good reasons, casting all else as deviant behavior. While these reasons are in fact very good, they are not sufficient to claim that this behavior is ideal for everyone, and so via these unfortunate means, alternatives to this mainstream lifestyle like the FWB, casual, etc. get unnecessarily harsh stigmas.

Previous posters in this thread commented on the separation of sex from emotion, which is a key element to the FWB. This is where people differ and become confused. Some think doing so is responsible and mature for your own health, while others think it is emotionally deranged and irresponsible to others. The truth lies not in whether you actually separate sex from emotion but rather your ability to see that it is both possible and reasonable. True maturity comes with realizing and adapting to the fact that sex is amphibious: for every person and couple, it is a constant balance between physical and emotional, with each point on the spectrum having its own unique pros and cons. Good relationships happen when people agree on this.

What people need to do is stop blindly obeying external sources that try to tell you what you want for reasons that may not apply to you. People should figure out what the best plan is for themselves and invest their emotions accordingly.

For example, me: a student, young (21) and moving away for 4 months in May. Is it worth my time to invest in a serious relationship that I know will soon face location issues? In my opinion, no it is not, and so to fulfill my biologically sexual urges, the FWB is a healthy alternative. Right now I have 3 FWBs, who all understand the nature of the relationship. I am honest with them in the beginning and I stay true to my word. I like hanging out with them as friends, and am sexually attracted to them. We all have fine sex lives and everyone is satisfied. If that changes for any of them, they’ll have to go. I had one FWB back in September that didn’t believe me at first and lied by saying she was okay with it, secretly thinking I was bound to change my mind after a few weeks with her. Needless to say it didn’t work out.

That’s how things are. I’ve been in relationships before and I know how they are. I see my options and I choose the best one for me. Others should do the same, and to each their own. Thanks for reading, sorry for the bump, but I really wanted to engage this subject, as I frequently get crap from my friends about it.
*Genuflecting*

Where have you been?
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Old 02-22-2009, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,413 posts, read 4,395,122 times
Reputation: 2916
Quote:
Originally Posted by celcius View Post
Here’s my admittedly long take on this subject....
Well said, celcius. Reps to you
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