Friends With Benefits (guy, looking, relations, reason)

[2mares]

Wow a few years? what do you think were the key/s you had in place so that neither of you became too attached?

I guess we just werent that into each other.
I had too much on my plate to become attached. He had a gf in another state. We both slept with other people occasionally during this time. We had many classes and projects together and partied with the same crowd and we were sexually attracted to eachother so sex was convenient. Although we "hung out" alot we would never have survived a serious emotional relationship.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Which is the missing ingredient that disqualifies them from being a relationship material then? Because comfort and respect is quite a bit (and I assume the attraction is enough) and you don't find it every day these days... Or did you just not care for a relationship at the time?

I actually had to think about this a little before responding.....lol.

I guess all the components were there for something more, but it was fine the way it was. Taking it further wasn't really a consideration, at least not with me. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and I was, at the time, always open to one. But I was okay with it; it just felt right.

With the first guy, long after we started, we talked about how we'd never done anything like that. And we each wondered, before that, how people did it without things getting complicated. In retrospect, I think friendships with benefits "work" when it fills the void and solidifies the friendship at the same time. It takes the right balance of chemistry and mutual respect for it to remain a friendship first and foremost.

I think the FWB has been confused with the booty call. I see this term a lot on the dating scene online. They say they want the FWB, but in order to have that there has to be a friendship. Are they willing to take the time to really be friends first? Doubtful.

I could go further, but small doses. See what you started, Sierra?

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I wasn't looking for a relationship, and I was, at the time, always open to one.

Then why not have one? Or were they not open to it?

See what you started, Sierra?

Please refer to my profile!

[joyBeing]

Well, I'm kinda stuck on that whole "cuddle buddy" thingy. Remember that? I think that could possibly work.....

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Then why not have one? Or were they not open to it?

It wasn't a consideration for me. I don't know what they were thinking, if they considered it or not. It was never discussed to that degree.

Please refer to my profile!

Ah.

[Oildog]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

I had two when I was single. After the second, I swore off them. Because the notion of Friend With Benefits is just a myth. No matter what gets said ahead of time, after a few romps in the sheets, a woman will always think she's in a relationship. There's just no such thing as No Strings Attached.

Hit the nail on the head. I've had a few and jealousy rears its head sooner or later. Also agree with earlier post that after a few good relationships, the FWB is not really apealing.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

It wasn't a consideration for me.

Aaand, we're back to square one like every time the subject is discussed!

- you were "open" to a relationship - check
- they were great - check

And yet "it wasn't a consideration"! Why would it not be?! This logic flies over my head... It's either flawed and/or produced by denial or they weren't all that great after all. No offense, but it simply makes no sense otherwise!

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Aaand, we're back to square one like every time the subject is discussed!

- you were "open" to a relationship - check
- they were great - check

And yet "it wasn't a consideration"! Why would it not be?! This logic flies over my head... It's either flawed and/or produced by denial or they weren't all that great after all. No offense, but it simply makes no sense otherwise!

K, it's probably better said that, I wouldn't have been opposed to a relationship in general. These were not "opportunities", per se. They clearly filled a void or a need, but it wasn't enough to go beyond friendship. At least not to me.

Si?

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

Si?

Booty, si!

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Booty, si!

Booty? LOL....drats.

So, does "great" have to lead to forever?