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Old 02-11-2009, 07:47 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,503,551 times
Reputation: 6690
I was wondering why not having a relationship with somebody you just had intimate sex with is a huge "relief".......???

You people make a relationship sound like it is torturous and agonizing. Did your parents not get along or something because not all relationships are miserable and toxic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luv_it_here View Post
I had one way back before I got married, and I'll probably have one again soon. I'm still legally married, so I'm not looking for one now, but I haven't lived with the ex for almost 2 years., so I am READY once those papers are final!! I'm not okay with the idea of waiting another year until I feel like looking for a serious relationship, and then waiting for it to evolve to that level - girls like some action too, you know?!?

I've got some really close male friends, and one in particular who is good looking and laid back enough to be perfect FWB material. We're really close, and he's cute, but he's not what I'd be looking for in a "relationship" - so I wouldn't date him. And, I certainly wouldn't date him long enough to get to the point where we considered sleeping together.

The FWB I had way back when, was just one of those things. Things got a little heated one night, and then the next morning, is the awkward realization stage. I flat out told him that I didn't regret what we did, but that I wasn't looking for any sort of cutesy affectionate relationship. You could hear, see, and almost TASTE the relief in the air. We hooked up off and on if we happened to be hanging out, and neither of us happened to be dating anyone at the time. I still talk to him a lot, but the FWB wouldn't work so well this time around, since he's roughly 700 miles away!
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,384 posts, read 4,022,883 times
Reputation: 1079
I had one when I was single for a few years. It was fine at first and then he wanted me to stay the night and sleep over and that is not what I was looking for. Had to end it! It always seems like someone gets attached and I think that they can be a dangerous road to venture down if you are not really mentally ready to have one.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,384 posts, read 4,022,883 times
Reputation: 1079
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I was wondering why not having a relationship with somebody you just had intimate sex with is a huge "relief".......???

You people make a relationship sound like it is torturous and agonizing. Did your parents not get along or something because not all relationships are miserable and toxic.
I love being in a relationship, but at the time, that is not what I was looking for. I wanted someone that could fulfill needs and we could have fun together, but no commitment or strings attached.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:17 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,503,551 times
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What are "needs"? Using somebody for sex and then saying "be gone, I only need you for sex"

I'm seeing just how selfish and greedy the human race is in this forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dvcgal View Post
I love being in a relationship, but at the time, that is not what I was looking for. I wanted someone that could fulfill needs and we could have fun together, but no commitment or strings attached.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:17 PM
 
Location: The best little city in the country
267 posts, read 537,762 times
Reputation: 357
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I was wondering why not having a relationship with somebody you just had intimate sex with is a huge "relief".......???

You people make a relationship sound like it is torturous and agonizing. Did your parents not get along or something because not all relationships are miserable and toxic.
I'm not saying relationships are miserable or toxic. I'm saying - I had sex with a friend, and while he's a good friend, he's very different than the "type" of person I have relationships with. I have very different needs from a relationship, than from a friendship.

So - one night we have sex. The next morning, the choice is, do you try and "force" the friendship to turn into something more, and possibly lose the friendship if it doesn't work out, or acknowledge the fact that one night of emotion closeness does not always equate to a "relationship".

My parents got along fine - they are still happily married, 35+ years later. As a matter of fact, I'm the only person I know of in my immediate or extended family that's every gotten a divorce - I'm the talk of ALL the family reunions right now - oh well.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:18 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,503,551 times
Reputation: 6690
I'm sorry but I completely do not understand your logic.

A romantic relationship involves a deep seated friendship.

I'm sorry you are just not making sense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by luv_it_here View Post
I'm not saying relationships are miserable or toxic. I'm saying - I had sex with a friend, and while he's a good friend, he's very different than the "type" of person I have relationships with. I have very different needs from a relationship, than from a friendship.

So - one night we have sex. The next morning, the choice is, do you try and "force" the friendship to turn into something more, and possibly lose the friendship if it doesn't work out, or acknowledge the fact that one night of emotion closeness does not always equate to a "relationship".

My parents got along fine - they are still happily married, 35+ years later. As a matter of fact, I'm the only person I know of in my immediate or extended family that's every gotten a divorce - I'm the talk of ALL the family reunions right now - oh well.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,384 posts, read 4,022,883 times
Reputation: 1079
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
What are "needs"? Using somebody for sex and then saying "be gone, I only need you for sex"

I'm seeing just how selfish and greedy the human race is in this forum.
It's not selfish IF everyone is on the same page. It's more like companionship without the ties of having to hold the relationship end of it.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:22 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 33,503,551 times
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What does the "relationship end of it" mean to you?

People keep talking about relationships as if it is a complex juggling act on a tight rope

Quote:
Originally Posted by dvcgal View Post
It's not selfish IF everyone is on the same page. It's more like companionship without the ties of having to hold the relationship end of it.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,384 posts, read 4,022,883 times
Reputation: 1079
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
What does the "relationship end of it" mean to you?

People keep talking about relationships as if it is a complex juggling act on a tight rope
No, not a tight rope, but I had been through a divorce and just did not want a man in my life like that during that point. I still wanted to be 'kept warm' so to speak, but I did not want to have to work things out with someone else. I was mentally drained from my first marriage and just wanted the physical without the mental. The guy that I was with, I knew and he was available and there and it worked out well for me. I was able to get my sexual needs met and vice versa without a relationship tied to it. We had a relationship, it was a friendship that had sex as an added bonus.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:43 PM
 
Location: The best little city in the country
267 posts, read 537,762 times
Reputation: 357
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I'm sorry but I completely do not understand your logic.

A romantic relationship involves a deep seated friendship.

I'm sorry you are just not making sense.
A romantic relationship always involves a friendship. A friendship does not always involve a relationship. He is a good friend, and I love him as a friend. And he's good in bed, which was a surprise plus to find out. But. . . he doesn't evoke the same feelings of LOVE, or of wanting to spend ALL my time with him, or make me want to forget about going out and looking for someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

I suppose, some day he could, and I could do the same for him. We're still friends, you never know. But, right now, that spark isn't there - no use trying to fit a square friendship peg into a round relationship hole . . . even if other parts of us were fitting together quite well
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