How to spot an emotional manipulator (men, call, friend, conversations)

[PassTheChocolate]

Pretty good reading from http://http://www.heartless-*******.com/rants/manipulator/eighteasyways.shtml (broken link)

Emotional manipulators get extra marks for subtlety. A patronizing, mind-****** can bend and twist and warp but somehow after a period of time they set off the ol’ bull**** meter. An emotional manipulator is smoother. You’ll have to adjust the sensitivity of your bull**** meter to escape unscathed. What is emotional manipulation? Well, emotional manipulation is a method of using words, body language and behavior for the purposes of provoking a particular reaction, getting a desired response or to just plain ol’ ********* over.

Moderator cut: copyright

[coffeeaholic]

oh yea - I have had not 1 but 2 of these men in my lifetime - NO THANKS!!! Its too exhausting!

[Huckleberry3911948]

non stop talking and phone message describing their situation, never a hello how are you how you doing, they just keep talking til you cut in and offer to help which is why they called. they never ask for help, they just whine til you give it.

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

Reminds me of one of my siblings. He doesn't do all of these, but he does enough of these that I qualify him as VERY manipulative. It's one of the reasons we are not close now that we are adults.

I don't think he'll ever change.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by moonpieheaven

oh yea - I have had not 1 but 2 of these men in my lifetime - NO THANKS!!! Its too exhausting!

Did you write that little ditty?

[Saberai]

My sister has a "friend" who does this crap. I've just send her a link to this page.

Maybe and hopefully she'll get the message of DUMPING THAT BUM *****!

[DennyCrane]

I had to deal with someone like this once. Early on, she shared some deeply personal information about herself. At the time, I thought she was just very sensitive and open. But now I see it was just a way of getting me to feel close to her. She had a lot of things go wrong in her life and instead of taking responsibility for her mistakes, she framed it as bad things always happening to her. She would describe her problems as enormous and bigger than anyone else's. If I tried to discuss my problems with her, instead of getting a sympathetic ear, I was often told my problems weren't anywhere near as big as hers, which was true, but hardly what one wants to hear from their friend. She would get mad at me if I didn't show enough interest in her life, ask about how she's doing, etc. She would make me feel guilty for not giving her enough attention or showing a sufficient amount of concern. Too often, I'd be solving or helping to solve her problems, to the point it was impacting my life. She was very good at playing the victim card.

It was a toxic relationship, but instead of weakening my defenses, it had a different effect, one that I'm not happy about. It made me less sympathetic. Now, when I hear about a friend's troubles, I'm less likely to want to help and more likely to wonder if I'm being manipulated. Being sympathetic should be a good quality, not something you should feel the need to turn off because one person took advantage of you.

[averagejoe76]

I would honestly have to admit i have some of these traits but not to that..
Extreme.

[coffeeaholic]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

I had to deal with someone like this once. Early on, she shared some deeply personal information about herself. At the time, I thought she was just very sensitive and open. But now I see it was just a way of getting me to feel close to her. She had a lot of things go wrong in her life and instead of taking responsibility for her mistakes, she framed it as bad things always happening to her. She would describe her problems as enormous and bigger than anyone else's. If I tried to discuss my problems with her, instead of getting a sympathetic ear, I was often told my problems weren't anywhere near as big as hers, which was true, but hardly what one wants to hear from their friend. She would get mad at me if I didn't show enough interest in her life, ask about how she's doing, etc. She would make me feel guilty for not giving her enough attention or showing a sufficient amount of concern. Too often, I'd be solving or helping to solve her problems, to the point it was impacting my life. She was very good at playing the victim card.

It was a toxic relationship, but instead of weakening my defenses, it had a different effect, one that I'm not happy about. It made me less sympathetic. Now, when I hear about a friend's troubles, I'm less likely to want to help and more likely to wonder if I'm being manipulated. Being sympathetic should be a good quality, not something you should feel the need to turn off because one person took advantage of you.

I resemble this remark. I truly care about people and consider myself to be a great friend, but I am definitely more cautious of peoples intentions.

[Laura707]

Oh yea, I have had 3 of them in my life. One was my middle son, I use to call it emotional blackmail with him..

The second was a guy I was in a relationship with. I reconized right away what he was doing he he simply could not manipulate me which drove him nuts but he never quit trying. Once I got bored with it, I set up my OWN plan to manipulate him into doing what I wanted and that was to get out of my life.

The other is still there, just a friend with SO many problems, always a major crisis in his life. One major crisis after another, usually caused by his trying to manlipulate someone else and trying to control what everyone else does around him. His way is to waaaay over explaine everything to make his point, a endless list of excuses/reasons. All conversations are about him and his problems.