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View Poll Results: Can you have a healthy marriage without sex
Male -- No 54 30.51%
Male-- Yes 14 7.91%
Female -- No 76 42.94%
Female -- Yes 33 18.64%
Voters: 177. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-23-2009, 11:04 PM
ECG
 
Location: In the minds of others
42,606 posts, read 2,438,157 times
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I feel a marriage is not based on sex only...plus there are many ways of having sex without having a sex encounter.
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Hotlanta
4 posts, read 8,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
I am sure that most all men will agree. A few women may disagree, but I have no idea why. I wish my wife would realize this.
Yes you CAN have a healthy relationship or friendship when there is no sex in a marriage, but it is called a "healthy relationship or friendship" not a "healthy marriage."

Why on earth would you get married in the first place of it was not for the sex? I am a female and I get that and I ESPECIALLY get that about guys.

Even with all the free sex and no remorse guilt free sex out there being thrust on us by media, our culture still has an overall desire to marry for sexual reasons, as well as companionship, building a life together, lifelong friendship, etc. But you can have all that without being legally bound, even sex, however most people eventually feel that pull to get married so that SEX is okay or justified.

If you do not believe it then do research on the top reasons people get married. For most men it is SEX and for many women it is SEX, we get married so it feels okay. Do you on polls, read other polls on it, take surveys, go to marriage counselors get their info. You can even add this one into the mix – we get married to have children – well guess what you have to do to get the kids??? SEX!!!

Sex is part of marriage unless you twist how you define marriage, but then again the media has done just that so very much and I fear many people are confused as ever what the original intend of marriage is all about. Oneness, becoming one, merging into one…I do not see how that is possible without the physical intimacy of sex.

DFOR – with regards to your wife, she clearly does not understand most men. Sounds like you guys need to go through a personality course to not only learn about yourselves but each other as well. Also a good sexual marriage course wouldn’t hurt either.

Of the men who wonder outside of their marriages, 90+% of them from our classes do so because the wife does not want sex. When I discovered this and realized how lazy I had been as a wife sexually in our marriage, I got off my butt and learned to be sexual even when I didn’t feel like it. After the third kid it was very difficult to get back on the sexual bandwagon. I had to find ways to stimulate my mind and emotions to gear up for it. Thank goodness I did because now I am hitting my sexual peak and our marriage has NEVER been better. But for a few years there I could have lost my husband’s attention had I not worked through it.

And for ladies who honestly believe their marriage is fine with sex once a month or so, you are so very very very naive. You are going to damage your marriage and lose your best friend. Are you nuts?

We have ladies all the time in our group sessions who balk at the idea that they have any fault here. They defend themselves with: if he would be nicer, more romantic, had more initiative, even made more money, if I didn’t have to work, didn’t have kids, if he, if he, if he, we have heard it all. Bottom line, do you want a stinky marriage, a so so marriage, or a good marriage? A GREAT marriage is a whole other topic that we will not get into here today. Well ladies most husbands want more sex. And while yes they probably should go back to courting you AND more – from 11 years of teaching and counseling I have NEVER met a husband who was not getting all the sex he wanted from his wife that would not bend over backwards to provide for her. I have seen marriages change more drastically for the better when a wife makes love to her man more than any other area of change with the exception of one other which is a long discussion for another time.

It is amazing that in my marriage, as I ACTIVELY pursued my husband sexually, the more he busted his butt to do things for me. Grant it, I do not have sex with him to get stuff, it just happens that way. He helps with the family more, church more, neighbors more, takes me out more, plans dates and special alone time for me, and so much more. I cannot say it any more clearly – a happy husband sexually makes for a VERY HAPPY marriage in most cases.

How does a wife find out? She works at it, finds a way to motivate herself in her marriage, hopefully for her best friendship…

Last edited by herpob; 04-03-2009 at 01:20 PM..
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: el paso texas
2,625 posts, read 9,932,936 times
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i voted no, u can "keep" a relationship, a healthy one, absolutely not, thats an integral part of a marriage, i get pissed when i dont get some for more than 4 dys!
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Old 04-03-2009, 02:46 PM
 
5,781 posts, read 9,523,748 times
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In the long run, a relationship without sex grows old.
I've been with my so since 17 years, no sex (no drive on both sides) since 4 years and even before it was sometimes 4,5 times...A YEAR. I think I had a full fledged normal sexual relationship only the 2 first years we were together.
I'm sorry, but I can't stand it anymore, I'm feeling I'm losing my life.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:13 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX.
1,226 posts, read 2,629,330 times
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Maybe if your super old, and unable, but the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. This is actually a dumb question, and I would have thought a no-brainer. I can't believe some have actually voted yes....just plain weird.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:14 PM
 
8,470 posts, read 5,167,891 times
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Some people who insist they need it in order to live, like food, makes it sound like an addiction. If people need sex to stay in love or connected emotionally, it just seems like a kind of dependence. This kind of thing validates why some of us prefer to remain single.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Nowhere
9,761 posts, read 2,915,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Some people who insist they need it in order to live, like food, makes it sound like an addiction. If people need sex to stay in love or connected emotionally, it just seems like a kind of dependence. This kind of thing validates why some of us prefer to remain single.
That's one extreme but I think most people are saying that they aren't willing to go totally without it.. my read on it, anyway. That doesn't seem so unreasonable to me.
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Old 08-28-2016, 08:57 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 5,803,038 times
Reputation: 1978
No. A healthy marriage includes sex reguarly.
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Old 08-29-2016, 02:18 AM
 
Location: NYC
11,206 posts, read 7,090,995 times
Reputation: 12064
Even same sex marriages cannot work w/o sex.
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Old 08-29-2016, 05:34 AM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,389,943 times
Reputation: 2691
I voted yes - but only under VERY specific circumstances. For example, if two asexual people were to marry. Asexual people often still desire the deep companionship that comes with marriage. Sexuality and love are never one size fits all. You would, of course, know about this WAY ahead of marriage. If two people agree to one way of life, then I can't see why it wouldn't work.

If you are asking if you have a sexual relationship normally and then it stops after marriage? I would mostly say no, it can't work. I can see also going without (or being creative) with illness being in the picture, though. Everyone is different.

What's important is the couple agrees upon it and is happy.
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