Why do I feel like I'm missing the boat? (LONG) (long-term, marriage)

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by sueprnova

Its in her 1st post! I think your meds are working!!!

LOL Maybe you're right. And you're right, she IS gorgeous. Kind of exotic looking. Save it for a worthy man! They're out there!

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by sueprnova

Foxy...hmm... lol...*me goes off to listen to her big hair 80's music*

LOL Off topic but I have to tell you this true story real quick. My sister's foster mother back in the 60s got all dolled up for church one day, putting on a new two piece suit she'd just bought. When she was all ready to go she looked in the mirror and told my sister, "I feel foxy". She was in her 80s.

[sueprnova]

oh gawd I totally read this post wrong 2 times... I saw 2 piece not 2 piece suit... and had visions of an 80 yr old in a bikini! I think I drank your cold medicine...no... wait...it was that last screwdriver!!!

[Raggy dee Ann]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Hi everyone, I can't believe I'm writing this on such a public space but I just have to get this off my chest:

I'm 20 yrs old, in my 3rd year of college at an accredited university, & I am suffering from post-Valentine's Day blues...I haven't had a serious boyfriend but I have had dates, all of which have ended on a bittersweet note (most of the guys I have dated have just been "hookups" (ie-only physical if you know what I mean)...

Anyway, I think I'm a pretty nice girl...I don't drink, party, or smoke...I volunteer regularly at an abused children's shelter & am part of a co-ed service fraternity. Most of the guys I've dated have said that I'm "too innocent" and that they "don't want to corrupt me", my friends have said that I give off an innocent vibe too which boggles my mind because I don't see myself as innocent...I've only kissed one guy & we kind of fooled around but I ended it before we went "too far". I just feel like most guys just want to be w/ me for "physical" reasons only...

Long story short: are there any nice guys out there because I seriously feel like my time here at college is running short & there will be a limited pool of available bachelors left for me to choose from? I do want to get married & have a family but it seems like there aren't many guys willing to do that until much later & I'm aware that guys mature later than girls...

Can anyone give me some advice/encouragement? Thanks...

http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh117/gisellemybelle/friends001-1.jpg (broken link)

^^^that's me by the way

@ Fickle: My personality is pretty quiet, I am a reserved kind of girl...shy but not rude...I am also pretty soft-spoken & not a huge flirt...I guess that's part of the problem huh

You may not believe this, but you have a lot of time. You are still a long way from running out of time, so I wouldn't worry, but I'm confused why someone as pretty amd smart like you would just "hook up" to be physical. Don't give it away like that, let them earn it, besides boys talk and maybe the word is you like being "pysical" ...not good for your reputation.

Two things, the girls that are getting lucky with the guys are usually not the type the guys marry, which means there will be more in the pool fo you and don't believe all the crap the womens magazines tell you.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Thanks for the responses everyone

By the way, I hope this post doesn't make it look like I'm fishing for compliments (believe me, I'm not) I just wanted to see if anyone could relate/empathize.

edit: Moderator cut: This was a mistake. I don't really find what you said to be very kind, but you are entitled to your opinion.

[wanneroo]

20 and you already think it's almost over?

You got a long way to go sweetie.

I was just as wound up as you at 20 thinking I had to marry a woman by 22 or I was toast. Pretty stupid and I think I wasted a lot of time worried about all that instead of living my life. Now in my 30's I'm making up for all I missed back then.

So if I was in your shoes, I'd go out and live life and enjoy it. Travel, have some experiences, date different guys. Find you and who you are and get some stability in your life. Get your education done, get your career sorted. Then I think a few years down the road is when there is some clarity about who you want to spend your life with.

And if along the way you meet someone so be it.

[Leisesturm]

The human being is the only creature that matures sexually at age 10 or thereabouts and then spends another 10 or more sitting on it. Why are you all advising this girl to 'wait' or "finish your studies' or 'guys won't marry you if you give it up'. Is that still the point these days? Simply to 'get married'? You don't have to have an MBA to get hitched AFAIK. Women are waiting way too long these days to get to it and a lot of them are having to have expensive procedures to get pregnant because they are well into their thirties before they even start to try and are in their forties when they realize something is wrong. A lot of women are in this trap. And that doesn't even touch the issue of women (in particular) knowing nothing about sex until... ... never. They get dumped by guy after guy because after the initial attraction wears off there really isn't anything else holding him. It isn't because they are 'easy' that they don't have relationships that last, its because they lack 'skills'. Yep, its a minefield out there with STD's and game players etc. You have to use your head and stay safe. I'm not saying its easy but the days of sitting on it until Prince Charming marries you sight unseen and you both live happily ever after, never existed. Sleeping with a guy who doesn't want to marry you because you are both in school, or maybe because he doesn't even love you (yet) isn't the worst thing one could do. That isn't likely how it turned out for anyone giving out this advice yet some of us hold out the romantic hopes for others. "You do it the way I should have". I say, pick the nicest of the guys you are dating, or the hottest or whatever criteria you want to use and let him have it. I would give this advice to my own daughters. I am not being a hypocrite.

H

[Drover]

Welcome to the post-women's-lib world where young men now expect women to put out, because young women have created that expectation. Unfortunately, that leaves sensible young women who are looking for sensible young men in the lurch, because there aren't many sensible young men. They don't have to be to get what they want. The good news is most men start to grow up a couple years after getting out of college and leaving the "get some anytime" college atmosphere. It has also been my observation that the more desperately you look for a mate, the less likely you are to find one. Be yourself and do your thing and eventually the right one will come along.

[NotARedneck]

I assume in 15 months, you may graduate and go to work. This might be a better time to get serious about finding the right man. Just hope you can find the time. Some careers allow little time for this.

However, with undergrad enrollment now being over 60% female, in nearly all but engineering schools, the life of a male undergrad must be one smorgasbord of available (and willing) young women. Don't expect much commitment in such an environment. Once these guys start working, they will start to think about stability. That's why marriages among the educated set are now in their late 20s. The summer after graduation used to be wedding time.

This is almost a complete reversal of the situation of over 30 years back. Then if guys didn't have somebody on "hold" from their high school, the competition was fierce. But nothing compared to after you graduated. If you couldn't or wouldn't raid the locales of the younger crowd, the pickings became even slimmer.

[PassTheChocolate]

Take your time. You're so young. Focus on your studies and be grateful you don't have the distraction of falling head over heels right now. Once you get into the job market you'll be in a good place to devote yourself to someone special.

What I'd give to be 20 again.