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Old 02-23-2009, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,728 posts, read 19,438,361 times
Reputation: 14755

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One of the strangest questions ever asked to me was when an old friend asked about my "new" wife. "Is she pretty?" Well, yeah. A heck of a lot prettier than HIS wife. I mean, hell, my friend and I were both pushing 60 at that point, and his first question about her was, "Is she pretty?"

My wife is a good woman. Besides that I love her, and she loves me; she's a barrel of fun, an exciting lover, great cook, generous, interesting and beautiful. I still get butterflies in my chest just watching her sleep. She has a great figure, luscious, long, shapely legs, soft, smooth skin, gorgeous green eyes, long, sexy hair, and a smile that melts my heart. Now, can I please just say, "My wife is a good woman?" That should be enough for you.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:35 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,190,258 times
Reputation: 8867
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Not sure what "eyewash" has to do with this topic ......
That there's a shell of a relationship, it seems.

Regarding miu's questions, I know one person casually and the second was my best friend from grade school and has been my friend for years and years. I know that my good friend didn't like his girlfriend's weight (15 years younger, but heavy, whereas he is a rail), once stating that he was worried she would get fat, like his mother. Fast forward: he married her and he has started on his second batch of kids in his 40s, after a marriage that produced children, and failed, while he was in community college.

We all post what we experience and how we process things. In the cases I've seen, it appears that the people all "settled," and that they have to justify their choices. I would not expect gloating and the terms "looker" and "hot" time after time to describe someone's significant other, but indicating that there's a baseline physical attraction might be good...
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Fiji
647 posts, read 1,971,141 times
Reputation: 424
My wife and I describe each other (when talking with others) in what some would call "generic" descriptions. Of course I think she's hot, has great ass-ets , etc. and so on and so forth, but I assume that most folks know that's a given.....a given that I think of my own wife in those more "intimate" physical, or otherwise ways. It's so much easier if we give generic answers but it doesn't diminish my love or admiration for her. you know what I'm saying?
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:41 PM
 
17,707 posts, read 16,068,502 times
Reputation: 13403
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
There are 2 expressions/descriptions about spouses that are suspicious and kind of sickening.

Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
No, I don't find these phrases annoying. To me they are compliments, a person commenting on the good qualities of the person they are with

I will use the phrase to describe my ex-husband "he's a good father to the kids" because it allows me to say something genuinely positive, without bad-mouthing his qualities as a husband while we were married.
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,679,610 times
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I think it's an accurate observation.
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,804,648 times
Reputation: 829
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
My future ex never said anything that nice about me. Once when I badgered him to tell me what it is he does like about me, he said, "Well. . . you're a good mother." Amazingly his head is still intact. In case anyone is wondering why I was begging him to say something nice, it's b/c he never could. He could always tell me what I did wrong, but he never did give a compliment.

That might be personality. For some people, they are hard to come by. Just ask anybody who is an ISTJ personality. That doesn't mean that person likes nothing about you; they just aren't quick to throw out compliments. And if they are pushed into a corner for a compliment, you are likely to get something that sounds sooo fake or something seemingly unimportant to the recipient.

Why did you break up with him? Because of his lack of compliments to you?
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Old 02-23-2009, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 18,917,992 times
Reputation: 9378
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I'll make this one short. There are 2 expressions/descriptions about spouses and significant others that are suspicious and kind of sickening.

Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the guy has settled or the years were clicking past and he wanted to be married.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the woman has settled or the years were clicking past and she wanted to be married.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
No, they don't annoy me. If two people want to be together for convenience that's their business. For centuries, marriages were arranged. Women later started choosing the best provider b'c they're the ones who stayed home and took care of the home and children--a full-time job if you do your job. No time to sit around eating bonbons and such, contrary to what some think. I think it's part of our genetic makeup. You can try to get away from it b'c we evolve socially and all but I don't think you can completely get away from that which is ingrained in us.
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Old 02-23-2009, 05:55 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,190,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense View Post
I think it's part of our genetic makeup. You can try to get away from it b'c we evolve socially and all but I don't think you can completely get away from that which is ingrained in us.
I agree and think that this kind of hunter/nurturer thing is because we are mammals. However, we are evolved. What I was getting it is when there's a dichotomy of (1) living up to those roles, and (2) not really digging the person someone's with. Wouldn't that be difficult?
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Old 02-23-2009, 07:18 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,638 posts, read 37,476,837 times
Reputation: 17524
See I feel that my boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but I really don't feel the need to wave the wonderfulness of it in front of other people. We are both very private people. We also feel that we have a stronger relationship than most other couples we know... however it's not a competition.

Plus, what's attractive to me, may not be attractive to another woman. And of the couples I know, there is not one guy that I would consider dating or marrying. But if our friends are happy, that's enough. And what if one friend said that he thought his wife really hot looking, but imo I thought her slutty looking? I just think that it's enough if someone says that their s/o is a good person. "Good" is a positive term and also neutral enough in the sense that it's not going to offend a conservative old fogey like me or my mom. I really don't want to hear that a friend's hubby is still a sex machine or have her give me a sexually suggestive comment combined with a knowing wink. Ewww. Gross.

And if my boyfriend was telling his friends how hot looking he thinks I am, I would find that upsetting and a betrayal of our most intimate moments. Especially since some consider me a cougar, but I don't. A great relationship is so much more than a sexual attraction. And I feel that the closer I get to my boyfriend, the less I see the way he looks on the outside, and it's more about that soul to soul/brain to brain connection. But... every couple's relationship is different and with different expectations. And that why I couldn't date most other men in this world. And why I wouldn't expect outsiders to really understand what my boyfriend and I have as a couple.

Last edited by miu; 02-23-2009 at 07:54 PM..
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Old 02-23-2009, 07:47 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 13,141,336 times
Reputation: 7328
He IS good to me **shrug**. Generally if someone was grilling me about what I think of him that would be as much as I'd offer and I'm not much fussed if they then take that to mean I'm not attracted to him or any other interpretation they'd like to place upon a simple comment. Their problem, not mine.

How I feel about him and what I think about him is our business and not something I'd be randomly sharing with strangers. I'd much rather hear him describe me to others as a good woman or a remarkable woman than HOT or sexy.

Similiarly if I heard someone else make any of those comments you listed, male or female, I'd be looking at all the other things I know about the couple before I'd be deciding what I thought about them as a couple. But even more likely I wouldn't be placing any personal conclusion on what I see as their business anyway. I have my own business to be worrying about.
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