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Old 02-23-2009, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Fiji
647 posts, read 1,973,252 times
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I forgot to mention that, if I were in such a conversation, I wouldn't expect he/she to elaborate any further than a generic answer. Quite honestly, their inner most thoughts and more intimate feelings toward their S.O. is none of my business.
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Old 02-23-2009, 09:09 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,639 posts, read 37,530,459 times
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robertpolyglot - What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? And why did it end? I also feel that when one first starts to date someone, especially from a man's point of view (because men are such visual creatures), the woman's looks are one of the most important things to him about the overall initial attraction to his girlfriend. But by the time they are married, I'd really hope there was much more to their relationship that that initial attraction to her looks.

Haven't you been in a situation where you saw a hot looking woman, but when you finally met her and got to know her, she turned out to have an annoying or vain personality, and consequently she became less attractive to you? Or met a fairly plain looking woman, but with such a sweet caring way about her, she slowly became more attractive to you? I know for me, a guy that doesn't have the good looks of a model can become more handsome to me if I discover that he's witty and has a great sincere smile.

And when someone does want to marry that special someone, it's not smart just to marry the hottest looking person they can get. The person you marry and share your whole life with should be a good person... kind, honest, loving you unconditionally, sharing the same values and goals as yourself, with lots of integrity, knows not to take themselves too seriously, supportive, not selfish... in other words, a good human being.

Aging is natural. Youthful good looks will fade, but hopefully be replaced with laughter and character lines. And I think that happy confident people are always attractive. I still feel that you are afraid of committing to a women, then having her get ugly on you years down the line. lol
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,353 posts, read 19,325,510 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
That might be personality. For some people, they are hard to come by. Just ask anybody who is an ISTJ personality. That doesn't mean that person likes nothing about you; they just aren't quick to throw out compliments. And if they are pushed into a corner for a compliment, you are likely to get something that sounds sooo fake or something seemingly unimportant to the recipient.

Why did you break up with him? Because of his lack of compliments to you?
No, I wouldn't have broken a long marriage over something so seemingly trivial, though it did drive me crazy. We're breaking up b/c he is gay it turns out, so he probably really didn't find anything attractive about me. It's going to be a tough road to get my self esteem back, but I'm feeling better already. You're right about the sooo fake compliments though--he couldn't even say a gourmet meal, home cooked, was good, and if he did, he said it in a monotone voice--"It's good."

If I marry again, I'd have to hear a sincere compliment at least once before the wedding before he'd get me to the altar! I'm really not compliment crazy--just want to know what he likes about me, so I can do more of it. BTW, what is an ISTJ personality?
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:24 PM
 
2,707 posts, read 5,907,319 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
she's a barrel of fun, an exciting lover, great cook, generous, interesting and beautiful. I still get butterflies in my chest just watching her sleep. She has a great figure, luscious, long, shapely legs, soft, smooth skin, gorgeous green eyes, long, sexy hair, and a smile that melts my heart.
Wow...I can't decide if I'm envious...or just turned on! Seriously, though, it was nice to read a post in which someone is so enthusiastic about his wife. She's obviously blessed to have such a good guy for a hubs.
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:30 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,241,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Aging is natural. Youthful good looks will fade, but hopefully be replaced with laughter and character lines. And I think that happy confident people are always attractive. I still feel that you are afraid of committing to a women, then having her get ugly on you years down the line. lol
No, I agree. I have strands/flecks of gray coming in. I think it's the "letting oneself go TOO MUCH" that scares most men. And, yes, I have met MANY women who were REALLY good-looking and also REALLY annoying and shallow...and who could never hold my interest.

I started this thread, because these comments, complete with their inflection and delivery, were very clinical. They conveyed no affection.
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,808,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
No, I wouldn't have broken a long marriage over something so seemingly trivial, though it did drive me crazy. We're breaking up b/c he is gay it turns out, so he probably really didn't find anything attractive about me. It's going to be a tough road to get my self esteem back, but I'm feeling better already. You're right about the sooo fake compliments though--he couldn't even say a gourmet meal, home cooked, was good, and if he did, he said it in a monotone voice--"It's good."

If I marry again, I'd have to hear a sincere compliment at least once before the wedding before he'd get me to the altar! I'm really not compliment crazy--just want to know what he likes about me, so I can do more of it. BTW, what is an ISTJ personality?

Wow, yeah that issue's a little deeper than a personality type.
ISTJ is a personality type, based on the myers-briggs framework. It helps you to understand yourself, and others as well. It's not a matchmaking game, but it is very helpful in any relationship, even work.

As an ISTJ, I tend to naturally withhold compliments. I may think them in my mind, but I'm not likely to say anything. Not being mean, It's just not part of my makeup to be outward with the compliments. I'm learning to do more of it, but it has to be sincere, or else it's not going to feel like anything.

Like my girl could look real good, but I won't say it, I'll think it to myself. And keep it to myself. Again, not being mean, just how ISTJs operate.

My MBTI Personality Type - MBTI Basics
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:33 PM
 
957 posts, read 1,032,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Haven't you been in a situation where you saw a hot looking woman, but when you finally met her and got to know her, she turned out to have an annoying or vain personality, and consequently she became less attractive to you?
I was tortured by such a woman for four years! She was so beautiful, with such a perfect body, that heads turned & jaws dropped all over. She was monogamous, nice, and wanted sex often too. But, while she was no dummy, we didn't connect intellectually, and I was tortured until I couldn't take it anymore!
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:38 PM
 
957 posts, read 1,032,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I think it's the "letting oneself go TOO MUCH" that scares most men.
Like the men's haircut. Women must feel very comfortable in their marriages to attempt that. Why not keep a feminine haircut, like Meryl Streep, say?
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:47 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,241,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
Wow, yeah that issue's a little deeper than a personality type.
ISTJ is a personality type, based on the myers-briggs framework. It helps you to understand yourself, and others as well. It's not a matchmaking game, but it is very helpful in any relationship, even work.

As an ISTJ, I tend to naturally withhold compliments. I may think them in my mind, but I'm not likely to say anything. Not being mean, It's just not part of my makeup to be outward with the compliments. I'm learning to do more of it, but it has to be sincere, or else it's not going to feel like anything.

Like my girl could look real good, but I won't say it, I'll think it to myself. And keep it to myself. Again, not being mean, just how ISTJs operate.

My MBTI Personality Type - MBTI Basics
Who does ESTJs (that's how I test on MBTI) get along with, generally speaking?
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Old 02-24-2009, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,808,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Who does ESTJs (that's how I test on MBTI) get along with, generally speaking?
From what I understand, you can get along with most, but probably have the least tolerance towards someone who is too much of a perceiver/feeler (FPs).
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