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Old 02-24-2009, 06:11 PM
 
Location: So Cal
46,920 posts, read 46,107,732 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I started this thread, because these comments, complete with their inflection and delivery, were very clinical. They conveyed no affection.

I think on some level people might say these sorts of things because they subconsciously think that they could do better and want people to know that they settled.

I don't know as I'm not a shrink.

Although, I have played one on TV
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Old 02-24-2009, 06:21 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,236,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I don't know as I'm not a shrink.

Although, I have played one on TV
+ 1

And I play one on here...

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Old 02-24-2009, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Tennessee bound...someday
2,514 posts, read 4,704,321 times
Reputation: 7127
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I started this thread, because these comments, complete with their inflection and delivery, were very clinical. They conveyed no affection.

Interesting thread. In some instances, you could be right. But generally...I don't think so . I believe there are plenty of men & women who make
those comments, not thinking that they settled; but feeling that they got exactly what they were looking for.

For many, a helpmate through life; a companion, is really what they wanted from the get-go. I think they are very content, & rightly so, with their
lot in life. For others, like myself, passion & romance are right up there with more "realistic" expectations. But a description of my husband would've
also been dependent on who I was sharing info with.

I think as time goes on, you might see a few of these couples in your travels & think, "yeah - it works for them".
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Old 02-25-2009, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,177 posts, read 17,527,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I'll make this one short. There are 2 expressions/descriptions about spouses and significant others that are suspicious and kind of sickening.

Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the guy has settled or the years were clicking past and he wanted to be married.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the woman has settled or the years were clicking past and she wanted to be married.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...

I think you come off as "needy" and insecure myself, if you need more that this.
I'd rather know that my husband thinks of me as remarkable and good than "pretty" I mean come on if he thinks I'm those things, obviously he's attracted to me.

Any man I know would be proud that his wife stated that he's good to them and a great provider.
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Old 02-25-2009, 09:47 AM
 
28,900 posts, read 50,494,327 times
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Man, this thread is right on the money. You can absolutely tell which marriages are going to augur in by the way the one person speaks of the significant other. If that person only describes the SO in abstract terms, such as being a great guy or really funny or something along those lines, then that's a big fat red flag.

You don't marry a person just because of their qualities as a person (Sorry, I know some people will object to this, but those people are in deep, deep denial). You marry a person because of their qualities as a person AND the fact that there's a physical attraction. Anything less means eventual boredom in the bedroom which, in turn, leads to something else entirely.
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Old 02-25-2009, 11:42 AM
 
957 posts, read 1,032,686 times
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A friend of mine has never complimented his wife more than just "I respect her a lot". Which irks me, because his wife is among the most fantastic women I've met. They teetered on the edge of divorce for years, but then had a child and now look like most married couples. Rather than "augur in", I think they'll be married indefinitely. Kinda sad, but that's common reality.
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:06 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,236,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali's Grandma View Post
I think you come off as "needy" and insecure myself, if you need more that this. I'd rather know that my husband thinks of me as remarkable and good than
Never mind...never mind...I probably shouldn't toss out stuff when I can't provide the audio with it. It reeked of marriage of convenience....

Needy and insecure. Yeah, right...how about selective?

I walked into a B&N numerous years ago and the discounted books were in the front of the store. I picked up one of the DeAngelis/Gray books, which happened to be on sale, just to scan it and it opened right to the page where someone asks the question that a girl he knew was affectionate, a good person, funny, completed his sentences...BUT...he didn't find her particularly attractive. So he wanted to know if he should proceed to the next level. The answer they gave was: NO! Not that emphatically, but they pointed out that attraction was an important ingredient.

It's amazing. The men and the women have a nice dividing line on how we process this topic.
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Old 02-25-2009, 01:52 PM
 
Location: CITY OF ANGELS AND CONSTANT DANGER
5,409 posts, read 11,978,284 times
Reputation: 2264
damn, why does a comment always have to have some underlying connotation.

as a man if i say someone is a good person. that means exactly that. they are a good person. if i feel like commenting on their appearance i will comment on their appearance.

lets flip this a bit. if i mention to my SO that they look exceptionally well in the afternoon light, does that mean that i dont think they are a good person because i didnt mention that particular trait?

no.

all it means is that i think they look nice in the light. if i say they are god. thats all it means!

man and i thought woman were the neurotic ones. see! more proof, some guys are as crazy as some gals.

take a compliment for what it is. a compliment. dont try to read more into it. be confident man.
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:45 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,236,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the one View Post
all it means is that i think they look nice in the light. if i say they are god. thats all it means!

man and i thought woman were the neurotic ones. see! more proof, some guys are as crazy as some gals.

take a compliment for what it is. a compliment. dont try to read more into it. be confident man.
In all of these cases, I know the people that made the comments fairly well. There seems to be little, if any, romance. I'm making a comment based on what I see here. That's what we all do on C&G.

How am I insecure by pointing this out? I don't find their wives/significant others interesting or attractive and wouldn't have considered them.

Maybe your insecurities are piqued because so many people are in "shells" of relationships/marriages? I observe stuff and call it. That's what I see in my friends - no apologies.
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:46 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,236,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
From what I understand, you can get along with most, but probably have the least tolerance towards someone who is too much of a perceiver/feeler (FPs).
I can see that. I will "file" this away.
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