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Old 02-22-2009, 04:45 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,049,980 times
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I'll make this one short. There are 2 expressions/descriptions about spouses and significant others that are suspicious and kind of sickening.

Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the guy has settled or the years were clicking past and he wanted to be married.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the woman has settled or the years were clicking past and she wanted to be married.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
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Old 02-22-2009, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,794,128 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
Absent additional information (i.e. "My wife is beautiful. She is a good woman. I love her with all my heart") I think your analysis is correct.

It's just about saying something honest and nice, and not stating something that may be uncomfortable to say *AND* hear (i.e. "I don't love my wife.")
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:40 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,636 posts, read 37,319,967 times
Reputation: 17518
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I'll make this one short. There are 2 expressions/descriptions about spouses and significant others that are suspicious and kind of sickening.

Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the guy has settled or the years were clicking past and he wanted to be married.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the woman has settled or the years were clicking past and she wanted to be married.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
Well... how old are these people making the comments? How long have they been married? Do they have kids? And how do you know these people? Close friends? Co-workers? Neighbors?

I wouldn't be annoyed by those comments. I would feel that they are private people and being respectful of their spouses. It's more common when people are only dating, that discussing their looks or personality comes into the conversation. Once you are married, it's a done deal. Plus once they have kids, I think that spouse are showed off less as attractive sexual objects.

Then consider the people telling you about their spouse. How hot looking are they right now? Do you think that these people should be married to 10's? Or that they really need to share with you how much they find their spouse still attractive to them? Honestly, with a married couple, or even just a dating couple, I don't want to know how hot and heavy things are in their bedrooms. That's way too much information for me.

And since you are single and not in a relationship, it's also possible that these married people don't want to discuss the wonderfulness of their spouses with you. I don't talk much about my boyfriend with my single friends as I feel that it wouldn't be nice to show off how lucky I am while they are still looking for the love of their life.

Since you are basically a confirmed bachelor (right?) I wonder if your feelings are based on thinking that marriages are traps or for losers. Or that you're afraid to get married and later on not finding your wife attractive or fun to be with.

As I posted in another thread, I used to get irritated at an old manager who who loved to talk about the women in his life, and how every girlfriend, exwife/exgirlfriend was a "looker"... just in case I thought he couldn't get attractive women to date him.

And no my boyfriend doesn't look like a male model. And I don't go around telling my family, friends or co-workers that he's hot looking to me. That's private personal stuff to me. But once in a while I will say that I love his blue eyes and his smile.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 14,270,110 times
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I agree with miu. Why would people in a couple talk about something as superficial as looks? I think the comments mean that they appreciate the whole person their SO/spouse is and that this person is more than a pretty face.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,607 posts, read 38,637,495 times
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Yeah ... I think the phrase "soulmate" is crap! Unless of course, we're talking about me and my bird- because my bird and I ARE soulmates!
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Southern California Mountains
563 posts, read 1,329,586 times
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I kinda disagree with your observations. My guy can describe me as "a good woman", especially to my face, when I have been hiking all day in the muggy heat, dirty and my hair a mess with no makeup within 50 miles. I'm not exactly at my best, and it doesn't matter. When he says that, it means that I please him and am doing things right as far as he's concerned. THAT'S important.
I describe him a a good man...meaning that even if he hadn't showered in a week (LOL!), needs a shave and a change of socks, that I respect him for being the good provider, strong, smart, clever, manly and a good protector.
The state of physical affairs has nothing to do with it. What we have in common is not usually brought up in conversation with others. It's usually obvious, such as when we go horseback riding...together. Or fishing. Or antiquing. Or whatever.
We have been dating just shy of 2 years. We're far from being too laid back to care....
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,329 posts, read 19,164,139 times
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My future ex never said anything that nice about me. Once when I badgered him to tell me what it is he does like about me, he said, "Well. . . you're a good mother." Amazingly his head is still intact. In case anyone is wondering why I was begging him to say something nice, it's b/c he never could. He could always tell me what I did wrong, but he never did give a compliment.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Southern California Mountains
563 posts, read 1,329,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
My future ex never said anything that nice about me. Once when I badgered him to tell me what it is he does like about me, he said, "Well. . . you're a good mother." Amazingly his head is still intact. In case anyone is wondering why I was begging him to say something nice, it's b/c he never could. He could always tell me what I did wrong, but he never did give a compliment.
Oh no! A lot of men have trouble communicating, but that seems kinda cruel to you, especially after you had to ask. I'm sorry. At least it seems that you are getting that situation resolved.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,607 posts, read 38,637,495 times
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Not sure what "eyewash" has to do with this topic ......
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:32 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,975 posts, read 31,730,619 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Men about their wife/girlfriend:
"She's a good woman" or "she's a remarkable woman" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to her, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the guy has settled or the years were clicking past and he wanted to be married.

Women about their husband/boyfriend:
"He's good to me" or "he's a good provider" WHEN there is nothing mentioned about (a) being attracted to him, or (b) having things in common. Virtually every time I've heard this comment, it's always been that the woman has settled or the years were clicking past and she wanted to be married.

Do these phrases annoy you? Do you agree with my observations? Any comments or other phrases that you think are full of crap...
I think you are definitely on to something here. Its like they are making excuses for their s.o. or something. Its like the missing part is (in blue)"he's not very good looking....but he's good to me". This is something that I always found a bit disturbing, especially by women who post here.

For me, I can honestly say that my wife is drop dead sexy, hot and beautiful and she's even better on the inside than she is on the outside. You'll never find me making any excuses for her NOT being sexy or NOT being anything else like many who post here do about their spouses.
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