Reporting a stalker - what would you do? (girl, friend, party)

[CESpeed]

The fact it's her friend rather than her and he doesn't know her, should cut down the risk factor. If she sends the information anonymously, he won't know who sent it. But she absolutely should.

[Threerun]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

It makes a difference because he is the PRESIDENT of the HOA. He has power, authority and influence.

How much power does any one person have? It's an HOA LOL! C'mon- you're bound to a set of by-laws. All he does is enforce the by-laws. The president can influence NOTHING else.

Originally Posted by CESpeed

In any event, He can make any member's life miserable if they don't do what he wants and he has demonstrated that he has no compulsion about doing so.

Anybody can do that, lol. If the members of the HOA don't like him, he gets voted out! Problem solved!

Originally Posted by CESpeed

The point of the HOA is ensure not only the appearance of the homesm but ensure public safety by making sure that decent citizens live there. An abuser doesn't qualify.

An HOA can do that? Make sure only decent people live there? Ensure safety What?!?!?!?!?!??!?! Now HOA's are responsible for public safety?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by miu

My exhusband tried to kill me before we divorced. It wasn't why I wanted to divorce him though, I decided that before the assault. His attack on me was a one time event. He was never violent towards me before that. He just couldn't bear the thought of living without me. He went to prison for two years. The DA encouraged me to keep an RO on him for several years after he got out.

He was never violent before that, and he wasn't violent after because he was in jail. If someone can lose control to the point of attempted murder, it is absolutely something to worry about and not something anyone in the future should overlook.

I'm sure that my ex has not tried anything like that again. And even after that attack, I wasn't afraid of him, just pissed at having a couple of broken bones and scars.

If you were not afraid of him, that is your deal and yours alone. Anyone who does that to another human being, even once, is not someone I'd want having access to me or my family. Which seems to be the opinion of the gal who posted.

No every RO is against an OJ Simpson in the making. And does her friend want to be the next focus of his rage?

She clearly doesn't want to be the focus of his rage, which is why they are both trying to figure out how to handle it.

And the solutions for stalkers aren't that simple and effective. The law can't handle, solve and resolve every stalking case. It's easier for the victims to move and drop out of sight. This is a problem that even men face.

Survey says 3.4 million Americans affected by stalking each year - The Boston Globe

You are right, stalking is not easy to prove, but LE is coming around to it. But that isn't what they're trying to do here.

Anyway, not every battle is worth fighting. Her friend in trying to remove him as president of the HOA will make a new enemy for herself. If he's a member of the HOA, doesn't that mean he owns a house and lives in her neighborhood?

Yes, he does. But he doesn't know who she is, so the risk is not as bad as if he did.

It might be easier to sell the house and move before trying to get rid of him on that board. Otherwise, her friend could "win" but then she leaves herself exposed to his vengeance. Obviously the guy has problems with women and control, so why push his buttons like this?

So, not only did the victim have to uproot and move, her friend should as well? Doesn't seem right. Right now the goal is to make the HOA aware of who is running the show, without anyone knowing where it came from.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

The fact it's her friend rather than her and he doesn't know her, should cut down the risk factor. If she sends the information anonymously, he won't know who sent it. But she absolutely should.

I agree. If I were one to not think before I acted, I'd flyer the entire neighborhood. Luckily for me (and people like him), I think...lol.

[PassTheChocolate]

Found this online at Association Times | The Role Of Today’s HOA Board of Directors

PRESIDENT
[LEFT]The president of an association is vested with all the powers generally given to the chief executive officer of a corporation. While specific by-law provisions may vary the president's duties, it is generally presumed that he or she will preside at all meetings of the board and the membership. The president will execute contracts, orders and other documents in the name of the association as its agent. When signing documents, the president should indicate the capacity in which he or she is signing in order to avoid any personal liability since the president's signature, under most circumstances, will bind the association under a doctrine of inherent powers.


The president also assumes general charge of the day-to-day administration of the association and has the authority to order specific actions in furtherance of the board's policies. The president serves as spokesman for the board of directors in most matters relating to general association business. Like all officers of the association, the president has an affirmative duty to carry out the responsibilities of the office in the best interests of the association. Unless otherwise specified in governing documents, the president serves at the will of the board of directors and can be removed with or without cause at any time by a majority of the full board.

Sounds like a pretty big responsibility.



[/LEFT]

[optiflex]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I belong to another message board and came across a posting from a former abuse victim.

Long story short, she was with a man who turned abusive and stalked her, assaulted her and threatened her life. She obtained a restraining order on him, he violated it and she went into hiding - she made references to a name change. She just found out that the man is the president of the homeowner's association where her friend lives and is wondering if she should report him to the HOA. Her friend wants to, but she is afraid of retalliation, knowing what he is capable of.

I really don't know how to answer that. But I'm wondering what your thoughts are on this. Personally, I don't think he should be in a position where trust is pretty much inherent. I know he has to be voted in, but he clearly would not have been if they knew about the RO. I wouldn't want someone like that heading my community. What do you think? How would you handle it?

Whenever I read one of these perils of pauline stories on the net I have learned to pause...because in this day and age NOBODY gets away with half this stuff if there's PROOF and the offended party is willing to press charges. And it's always something like them being safely away and needing to help somebody else from the monster.

[Threerun]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

Sounds like a pretty big responsibility.

And a corporation is bound to its by-laws. It is usually very specific in what they can and can not do, and the scope of an HOA, a not-for-profit entity, is generally narrow in focus (ie- just the rules of a development).

Changes to by-laws cannot be performed unless voted upon.

It ain't that big of a responsibility, and it certainly ain't a position of authority as some would portray. Basically an overgrown Bobby Brady with a blue arm-band playing 'hall monitor'.

[artsyguy]

omg you need to call Batman or Superman right away so this case can get resolved. This sounds like serious business that only a superhero can solve. <rolls eyes>

[optiflex]

Also when questioned..the outside party who is just posting for somebody else even just starting out knowing them from another board...suddenly can tell you how many grains of salt are in the persons salt shakers in their home....but i'm sure this isn't one of those cases

[optiflex]

but it does sound like you might want to check out chat board drama anonimous