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Old 02-27-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,395 posts, read 3,943,680 times
Reputation: 1658
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillz View Post
Many CF get irritated and sometimes angry at the assumption that you will change your mind about NOT having kids.
I am starting to think this at the root of all this threads in the parenting forum. People with a baggage come here and take it out on all parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jillz View Post
No one likes to be second guessed. I am not saying everyone is like this, but I ALWAYS got some smug, condescending remarks about how I will change my mind. Maybe the remarks came from a good place but no one ever asks the same of those WANTING kids.
Believe it or not a lot parents get smug comments too. You have 2 boys, are trying for a girl?. When are you going to have another one?. You have 4 you are done, right?. etc...

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
Why are you so agitated by someone posting on parenting because they don't want kids?

I'm not understanding why, if some are so offended that people post here, or start threads, do you click on the threads that are so offending to you? You have a choice as to which threads you read or post to, just don't choose the ones that you are opposed to.
Because it crowds the forum and it drives parents away. The thread usually starts with a question which one assumes is a request for information. Then as the thread progresses one realizes that the point of the thread is to tell us parents that life without children is so much better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
This is not a forum to debate on. This is not a forum to be negative about the topic at hand "parenting." Parenting is a verb. This is a forum about the action of parenting. It is a place where parents can give advice and share experience and stories.

Just like on the Pets forum, you are not allowed to "bash" or speak negatively whatsoever about pets.

Just like on the relationship forum you must keep it PG13

So your advice is to just NOT click on the thread? Aren't you all the ones who can't get enough of the mother of octuplets? Why not just change the station or skip the page in the paper? Why must you read her story and then complain all over the internet about it?

Just have some respect. You are crowding the forum with your negative threads. There are parents on here who value GOOD conversation.


I wanted to rep you but I can't do it again so soon.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 1,806,717 times
Reputation: 921
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raven1976 View Post
Obviously a lot of people do have kids without thinking, or else there wouldn't be so damn many kids up for adoption. Those are cases of "oh yeah I changed my mind"
This is why I think it is healthy to have a conversation about wanting vs not wanting kids. EVERYONE should put thought into parenting before doing it. It is the most important decision that can be made and shouldn't be done just 'cause. Part of the decision should include can I afford this in money and time and dedication. This is why octomom angers so many people. She doesn't have the $$ OR time to take care of the 6 she already had and her situation certainly hasn't improved with the addition of 8 more.

Jill
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,395 posts, read 3,943,680 times
Reputation: 1658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raven1976 View Post
Obviously a lot of people do have kids without thinking, or else there wouldn't be so damn many kids up for adoption. Those are cases of "oh yeah I changed my mind"
But I didn't and most of the parents in parenting forums didn't either.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 1,806,717 times
Reputation: 921
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
I am starting to think this at the root of all this threads in the parenting forum. People with a baggage come here and take it out on all parents.

Believe it or not a lot parents get smug comments too. You have 2 boys, are trying for a girl?. When are you going to have another one?. You have 4 you are done, right?. etc...

Because it crowds the forum and it drives parents away. The thread usually starts with a question which one assumes is a request for information. Then as the thread progresses one realizes that the point of the thread is to tell us parents that life without children is so much better.
.
I have read many of the childfree posts and I am not sure I agree about the posters having baggage and taking it out on parents. Sometimes there are arguements but aren't disagreements healthy? Most of the childfree folks I know in the virtual world and in real life are far from baggage carrying instigators but since we are on different sides of the fence, you may be seeing something I don't.

I agree that parents also get smug and condescending remarks. There are a lot of rude people out there childed and not.

I would wonder about the fortitude of a parent that gets driven away by those that don't have kids posting in a parenting forum. I think the more we understand each other, the better people get along. We may not agree or have the same wants or desires but life would be awfully boring hearing one side of the story all the time.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:17 PM
 
420 posts, read 1,314,684 times
Reputation: 451
I'm a 34y.o. male and I don't have any children, don't think I want any either. I love kids, don't get me wrong, but I love them too much to have them. I'll change my view of children if I have my own. I remember when I was 20 years old and telling others I didn't really want to have children and I got the "oh, when you meet right right person you'll want to have children" line. Hey look, unless your name is Naomi Watts, Gretchen Mol or Claire Danes I'm not having children, so forget it! People still can't believe that I'm not interested in having children. Listen, I love children, but let me say this, once you have children YOUR life is over as you know it. You will never live the life you once lived, this may be a good thing, or it could be a bad thing, who knows, but I do know it'll change your life. I'm all about change, especially if it's for the greater good, but I know way too many people that have children that can't do the things they want to do in life, and I'm not kidding when I say this either. People literally can't go to school or finish school or geez, even take a simple weekend vacation because they either can't afford it or don't have the time. I sit there somedays and say to myself, in the world would I put myself in that position? I'm not saying that if a married couple decides to start a family that's a bad thing, in fact, I encourage it. But you better have your schooling done with a good job or career lined up because it gets much much harder once you throw a child into the equation. The problem I have is that I'm a dentist so I work in a family-oriented profession, meaning others expect me to find myself a wife and have children. When people meet me and see that I'm 34 years old, single, no girlfriend, never married and no children, their jaws drop to the ground in disbelief. "Hey did you manage to pull this off?" was one of the questions I was asked a few weeks ago. Hey listen, when you put yourself thru medical, dental or vet school or any other graduate training you'll spend most of your time doing just that, training for your field, no time for children.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,395 posts, read 3,943,680 times
Reputation: 1658
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillz View Post
I would wonder about the fortitude of a parent that gets driven away by those that don't have kids posting in a parenting forum. I think the more we understand each other, the better people get along. We may not agree or have the same wants or desires but life would be awfully boring hearing one side of the story all the time.
Maybe driven away was the wrong word. They go to better parenting forums. Making parents understand people who do not want to have children is not the purpose of this forum.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 1,806,717 times
Reputation: 921
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
Maybe driven away was the wrong word. They go to better parenting forums. Making parents understand people who do not want to have children is not the purpose of this forum.
I thought the purpose was parenting and that would also include questions about whether or not to do it. How helpful would it be to just hear from the parents about how awesome (or tiring) it is? Having a balanced conversation (that doesn't turn into a slamfest) seems like it would be more beneficial. Maybe if more people understood how someone could come to the decision to NOT have kids there wouldn't be so much animosity. Besides, someone who is on the fence about having kids asking about having kids certainly could benefit from hearing from those that chose a different path.

I do not agree with childfree people starting inflammatory posts just to anger parents. It would be equally lame for parents to start a post in a childfree forum (if there were one) bashing CF choices.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:34 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 2,566,244 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
Maybe driven away was the wrong word. They go to better parenting forums. Making parents understand people who do not want to have children is not the purpose of this forum.

Exactly. I really enjoyed this forum once. I was finding a magnitude of advice and inspiration from parents from all walks of life. Now I come on, check out some threads and get ill and move on. It's a shame.

And you are right. I don't want to understand people who do not want to have children. I respect your choice, but don't have the time or passion to "learn" why you chose to do so or hear why MY choice to have children might or might not meet YOUR standards.

Why don't you all try going on the "Debate forum" and tell everyone how it's worthless to argue/debate and how YOU choose NOT to do so?

I think many people come here to argue and debate for the same reason a person with no disabilities might join the Special Olympics, or a person who is REALLY good at internet reversi might enter the "beginner mode."
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 1,806,717 times
Reputation: 921
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
And you are right. I don't want to understand people who do not want to have children. I respect your choice, but don't have the time or passion to "learn" why you chose to do so or hear why MY choice to have children might or might not meet YOUR standards.
Why don't you want to learn something? I try to understand people who aren't like me as it helps one have empathy.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:46 PM
 
2,421 posts, read 3,078,687 times
Reputation: 3139
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillz View Post
I thought the purpose was parenting and that would also include questions about whether or not to do it. How helpful would it be to just hear from the parents about how awesome (or tiring) it is? Having a balanced conversation (that doesn't turn into a slamfest) seems like it would be more beneficial. Maybe if more people understood how someone could come to the decision to NOT have kids there wouldn't be so much animosity. Besides, someone who is on the fence about having kids asking about having kids certainly could benefit from hearing from those that chose a different path.

I do not agree with childfree people starting inflammatory posts just to anger parents. It would be equally lame for parents to start a post in a childfree forum (if there were one) bashing CF choices.
Unfortunately, the ones that might benefit how one came to the decision to have or not have children are right now in the heat of passion and not thinking of the consequences of pregnancy. If someone is on the fence, I would hope they have a partner to discuss it with.
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