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Usually if you had a rough childhood you don't HATE children. You are jealous of them, you envy them. That is not the same emotion.
I do understand finding children annoying, bothersome, irritating, but i don't see how you can hate the child when it is the PARENTS responsibility to make sure the KID isn't annoying other adults. That is purely misdirected anger in my opinion. Intelligent people would not hate the child, but the lousy loser of a parent who is not doing THEIR FREAKING JOB watching their kid. The kid is a by-product of their situation.
As for hating them because they don't want them and can't find any other person who also doesn't want them? That is hard to believe. There are PLENTY of adults (at least in MY city) who don't have nor want children. You can see and meet them everywhere. Usually successful, self sufficient, well educated types who don't want to get down and dirty and share their free time with raising another human. Nothing wrong with that.
I was one of those who didn't ever want children until i met the right guy and changed my mind. Out of all of my CITY friends (Let's say the main 15 of them) I am the only one with children and I didn't start til well past 30. One other friend secretly WANTS them but doesn't want anyone to know because it would be sort of looked down upon. The rest have no children, don't want any children, but are always super kind to MY children.
I just don't understand HATING children. I understand not wanting them, not wanting to grow up yourself, i understand not wanting the burden. But i don't understand HATRED.
I don't think people who say that they hate kids really mean it like that. I think what they mean is that they're passionately annoyed by the way some of them act. And, yes, a lot of times it's the parents' fault for not doing such a great job. But even good kids can get really annoying sometimes. I wasn't a bad kid, but I know I was an extremely annoying one.
What irks me above all else, is that I grew up with the silly notion that having kids was a joint decision... reading the personal ads, and talking to women, they all nowadays come into the relationship with a laundry list of their wants/needs, none of which are open to any give & take
The decision of whether or not to have children at all is an individual one but either party should have veto rights. No one should ever have a child that they do not want out of some sense of compromise, and those who do want kids shouldn't give that up as a compromise either. People with incompatible child desires are really as incompatible as it gets and they should both move on to find other mates who share their outlook. What couples should make a joint decision on is the timing if they both want kids.
I can totally relate to those who say they do not want children. That's a totally OK way to feel, and a totally acceptable personal choice for someone to make for themselves.
I don't really understand "hating" children though. I can understand when a person says that they simply didn't have the patience for dealing with children, or don't want the responsibility of them, or don't have the time or money for them, or don't want to give up their freedom or make any lifestyle sacrifices, etc. Those things I understand. Believe me - of all people I certainly understand.
I felt at one time that I did not want children, too. I grew up in an incredibly dysfunctional family, living in poverty, my dad ended up in prison for crimes against children, my mother was an alcoholic and yet somehow managed to have a home day care in our tiny two-bedroom duplex. I was the oldest and had to deal with all that... it was horrible. I left home at 15. Yes, I went for a long time feeling that there was absolutely NO WAY I was going to bring more children into this world.
But then I fell in love, and things changed for me, and I realized that I wanted to bring children into the world in a positive way and break the cycle I was born into. My husband felt the same way, having come from similar circumstances. We both disconnected from our negative pasts - and from the negative people - and determined together to create a better future. We broke those cycles of hate and abuse. It's been wonderful for us, and our children are beautiful and loving. But that was our choice, it was what we felt in our hearts we wanted to do. In a way, it was about proving to ourselves that life can be good. It's not the same for everybody. Anyway - believe me, I DO understand and support those who decide for themselves that they do not want children. It's a totally acceptable and OK thing to choose for yourself.
But to say you hate children? To me, that just doesn't make sense. Hate groups - and this is what this sounds like to me... or at least the seedlings of one... when people who don't want to have children go to the extreme of saying that they actually hate children - are not something that I feel needs to be supported, or propagated in a place such as these forums. I don't support hate groups of any kind.
I feel that to hate children is to actually victimize children. You don't actually hate children - you don't want children, for whatever your reasons are. You don't like the way they smell, or they have boogers, or you can't stand the thought of changing a diaper, or losing sleep, or whatever. All that is OK. When you say you hate children, you're actually using children as a scapegoat for all that you fear: losing your identity, your freedom, having to be responsible for something other than yourself, the financial aspect of raising children, interrupted sleep, the idea of the possibility of a diminished sex or social life, whatever... But, there's no reason to fear those things, and no reason to start hating because of your fears. Just simply say you choose not to have them. Period. There's no need to hate children, or to say you do.
Children are our future. You should support them, whether you want to have some of your own or not. And we all should support those who do choose to have them, because all our future lives depend on the nurturing and raising of our future generations of humans. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. I know that's a well-worn line, but that's because it is so true. It's not for everybody, certainly, and we all know - and many of us have - parents who should have never had children in the first place. I think it's wise that the CF people know themselves well enough that they can step up and realize that they do not want or should not have children. I just hope that they realize the importance that parenting does have in all our lives, and try to find it in their hearts to support those who feel and do differently.
I'm one of those whose screwed-up childhood has me turned off to the idea of having kids of my own.
After the amount of work I've done on myself, I feel that I WOULD be a good parent, it's just that I spent so long taking care of my parents and brothers, I don't have the emotional energy to be as present to children as they would need.
However, I have done my part to use what I've learned to potentially innoculate some other children against the effects of their own screwed up childhoods - through coaching, counseling and mentoring.
To me, raising one's own children is too low-impact. I would rather affect many lives.
But to say you hate children? To me, that just doesn't make sense. Hate groups - and this is what this sounds like to me... or at least the seedlings of one... when people who don't want to have children go to the extreme of saying that they actually hate children - are not something that I feel needs to be supported, or propagated in a place such as these forums. I don't support hate groups of any kind.
I have been accused in the past of hating children. This is not true. I have no feelings for them, whatsoever. But I do HATE the way that children are deified in this culture. I hate the way that they receive preferential treatment (and often their parents too), over the childfree....
*Example from my personal experience*..... Retail establishment, small, independently owned. Big sign on front door... "No restroom facilities for the public, sorry". Mother with two-year-old shopping in store says to clerk.... "I know your signs says...."no bathroom" but my 2-year old has to go badly!" Clerk replies: OH, that's ok, you know how 2-year olds are! <<<big grin>>> we can make an exception for you!!!!!!!
Presumably children being "more important" than anyone else....
*Example (you have all heard this a million times, I'm sure)... There was a fire in Downtown Chicago today which killed 14 people, TWO OF WHICH WERE CHILDREN. (So what???? Who cares???? Are they somehow more important than the 12 other people who perished so horribly?????)
It has gotten to the point, in our culture today that everything MUST revolve around the children. You cannot go into a nice restaurant without having to deal with (usually poorly trained) children, you cannot go to any store, any function, any event, any show, any movie, any motel, any PLACE on the face of the earth without having to deal with other people's children. It is even getting more an more common that you cannot go to places that were once the domain exclusively of adults such as beauty shops and bars without having to deal with children.
NO, I don't hate children. I just don't like them. And I don't want to be around them and I don't think that is too much to ask.
I do HATE the way that children are deified in this culture. I hate the way that they receive preferential treatment (and often their parents too), over the childfree....
Right on. Children have no value until such time, IF ANY that they contribute to society. Children do not give us ANYTHING, they only take. Besides, statistically a very large percentage of them will be dead or end up in prison by the time they are 30. Some future we got. LOL
20yrsinBranson
I could care less if you like children or not, but don't forget that you were once a child and did not give ANYTHING.
Location: The world, where will fate take me this time?
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I'm not completely against the posibility, but I just turned 30 and so far it has never been an strong desire in me, I would love to find a woman who thinks exactly the same way, otherwise I doubt I'd marry.
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All that is OK. When you say you hate children, you're actually using children as a scapegoat for all that you fear: losing your identity, your freedom, having to be responsible for something other than yourself, the financial aspect of raising children, interrupted sleep, the idea of the possibility of a diminished sex or social life, whatever... But, there's no reason to fear those things, and no reason to start hating because of your fears. Just simply say you choose not to have them. Period. There's no need to hate children, or to say you do. 
