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Relationships are foundational for growth. Not necessarily just between men and women, but for all relationships. How we impart feelings, which is the essence of communication, is primarily done by two methods.... love for women and respect for men. For women... love is the primary means of communication , love is ... a natural gender specific conduit for viewing her world, and for men ... respect functions the same way. For example... how many valentine cards express "respect"? as opposed to love? Could anyone even imagine a women receiving a "I respect you" card for valentine's day? Respect cards are virtually non existent.... and "love" cards reach an almost infinite number. Another example... the military... male dominated... and not much love but an incredible amount of respect... respect is not only given but demanded of those in "service". You might hear (example) a general address his troops by saying " your actions today demonstrate honor and courage in the face of death, for this I respect you" but you'll never hear him say love in place of respect. Both men and women must learn... that which they do not naturally know... for men it's love and for women it's respect. Why? because the very thing we do not naturally know is the very thing we so desperately need. Women speak the language of love and men the language of respect.
Self respect for women is necessary in order to give respect. Respect is derived from self esteem and most women are not very good at esteeming themselves, often the reverse is actually true. You can not give respect if you do not have it, if you do not have it you must go find it, if you do not find it you can not give it.... like a snake consuming it's own tail... a endless destructive cycle. In marriage conflicts, women often say something like ... " I love him but I have no respect for Him"... that is incredible damaging for husbands/men to hear. We often hear people say or expect "unconditional love" but never hear "unconditional respect" as part of relationships. If a woman needs love is it reasonable to believe a man needs respect? If a man is expected to give his wife "unconditional love" is it reasonable to expect a woman to give unconditional respect?
Men on the other hand are very good at self esteeming, we pump ourselves up, often to unrealistic/embellished positions. The product can be giant egos or arrogance. In a similar situation mentioned above , marriage... he may say " I respect her but I don't love her".... again, a soul damaging statement to say to a women. Men do not naturally process feelings through love... so they must find it to give it and if they do not know how to recognize it they can not find it.... again a vicious cycle for relationships.
"Loveless" or "disrespectful" relationships are doomed ... and I speak primarily about marriage. If a man withholds love she withholds respect... she withholds respect he withholds love... the cycle of craziness. When marital infidelity enters the picture (speaking of men) it usually begins with a women expressing respect by holding him in "high regard"... she admires him... and he is smitten. A women is drawn to a man who is loving and caring... he makes her feel lovely... he makes her feel "special" because he speaks her language.
Love and respect should be perceived as the conduits by which men and women process. Her world is love his world is respect... we need both, but one is natural and one is learned.
Excellent points- Kinda wordy but I get what you are saying. The Bible says at Ephesians 5:33 (NWT):
33 Nevertheless, also, let each one of YOU individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.
That's the scripture that kept coming to mind as I read your information, and that makes all the sense in the world to me.
I treat men with respect to the degree that the man is worthy of respect.
I think Steph is right on. How can anyone respect or disrespect and entire gender. I respect people based on their character and actions.
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All of the misogynists are coming full-force in this thread.
No kidding! I've never heard such sweeping generalizations. Sound like a bunch of bitter men whinning because the very hot but shallow gold diggers their complaining about dont want anything to do with them. Maybe you guys are being tossed aside because of your attitude.
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There's always talk about men dis-respecting women, what about the opposite?
Some women seem to treat men like dirt - either like all losers, sex-maniacs are dumb oafs...sitcoms seem to reinforce that. They seem to lump all men in the same category regardless.
Im sure there are women like this just as there are some men who treat women like dirt, think they are lesser humans, nothing but sex object and dumb as a box of rocks. What are ya going to do.
But generally, I do think that women dont have as much "respect" for men as they once did because of the change in gender roles and society. Not so many years ago women were basically dependent on men for survival. Men "took care" of women, even thought for them. The majority of women are now doing as much if not more than men. It is kind of like how little children think their parents are Gods util they grow up and have to think and provide for themselves. Suddenly those parents do seem so omnipotent.
American women - from what I've seen in the media and heard, have been subliminally told by family members, society, the media, that Mr. Right has to be perfect in any way. If he makes one small false move - bam! 'you don't deserve that crap girlfriend, dump his ass!'
This is true for both genders. We let our friends, families and the culture as a whole tell us what we deserve instead of deciding for ourselves. We have such unrealistic expectations of one another that it's no wonder so many relationships fail. I started a thread a while back about how people are never satisfied cause they're always looking out for something better. That's like the person who keeps changing jobs cause he's convinced there's always a better one to be had. At some point, you have to come down to Earth.
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Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn
For women... love is the primary means of communication , love is ... a natural gender specific conduit for viewing her world, and for men ... respect functions the same way.
One thing I would add is that respect is earned, not given. Men may want it, but they have to earn it.
There's always talk about men dis-respecting women, what about the opposite?
Some women seem to treat men like dirt - either like all losers, sex-maniacs are dumb oafs...sitcoms seem to reinforce that. They seem to lump all men in the same category regardless. Seems especially apparent in the US, with Australia not far behind.
You know, I get treated really good over all by all shades and colors of women regardless if I have money or not.
Sometimes people forget that you get back what you put out... If you are a unfriendly person and you don't have any general manners, well its going to be hard to find somebody who is going to put up with your crap and still treat YOU nice...
I will admit tho, here in the states women will come out their shell a little more if you display a high status and at that point your personality takes on a lesser importance....But guys do this too if they know you have a high status....lol You know, the little guys like being around the big guys to prop up there status...
Anyhow, I remember when a friend of mine let me use his brand new Perl white Mercedes for a few days, wow, all the attention I would get, and the women who would take a peak to see who I was..
But that's noting; I knew a guy who had a Ferrari and he told me women would leave panty's with phone numbers on his windshield and women would flash him on the freeway. He said his GF HATED the car because it attracted so many women.
I occasionally look through the ads on dating websites and I see a lot of guys with pics where they are posed by a Mercedes or some car they think is a flashy ride. If they really are looking for "deep, meaningful and not shallow", then why do they cater to that type? I see their pics and I have to laugh!
Does anyone ever wonder why, nine times out of ten, when the news reports a violent crime committed, the offender is a man? Or how about the fact that, historically and currently, our warmongering world leaders are... men? I have yet to read of any female Bernie Madoffs coming out of the woodworks. Or locally in my home state, 21st century and all, women still only make $.69 to the dollar a man makes, regardless of equal experience and education?
Yes, I'm painting with a broad brush - I adore/respect the men in my personal life - but is it so hard to see why some women, who can see past the ideology, have a hard time respecting men and their testosterone-driven ways as a whole?
One thing I would add is that respect is earned, not given. Men may want it, but they have to earn it.
This is true outside exclusive relationships... especially outside marriage, however inside marriage ... if love is (expected) to be given "unconditionally" then respect should have the same consideration.
I am of the opinion love and respect is a gift freely given and not earned.... otherwise it's not a gift. This doesn't mean we give our gifts to all, we should still be good stewards of our hearts, but love and respect covers a multitude of indiscretions.
Does anyone ever wonder why, nine times out of ten, when the news reports a violent crime committed, the offender is a man? Or how about the fact that, historically and currently, our warmongering world leaders are... men? I have yet to read of any female Bernie Madoffs coming out of the woodworks. Or locally in my home state, 21st century and all, women still only make $.69 to the dollar a man makes, regardless of equal experience and education?
Yes, I'm painting with a broad brush - I adore/respect the men in my personal life - but is it so hard to see why some women, who can see past the ideology, have a hard time respecting men and their testosterone-driven ways as a whole?
Leona Hemsley = Bernie Madoff
Joan of Arch = warrior
Your observations are true regarding earnings... but equal opportunity does not guaranty equal results.
This is true outside exclusive relationships... especially outside marriage, however inside marriage ... if love is (expected) to be given "unconditionally" then respect should have the same consideration.
I am of the opinion love and respect is a gift freely given and not earned.... otherwise it's not a gift. This doesn't mean we give our gifts to all, we should still be good stewards of our hearts, but love and respect covers a multitude of indiscretions.
I have to disagree. Love is given freely and may be unconditinal. We all love for different reasons or no reason. Abused children still love their parents, men and women may still love a spouse that has cheated or abandoned, parents still love children that have stolen from them, became drug addicts or criminals, but you may not still respect these people.
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Originally Posted by curliq .in my home state, 21st century and all, women still only make $.69 to the dollar a man makes, regardless of equal experience and education?
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Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn
Your observations are true regarding earnings... but equal opportunity does not guaranty equal results.
I have yet to work in a place where women got paid any less than men. Not only that, they have an easier time etting hired and promotions come easier too.
They've just got to pick the right careers. However, getting the education for this isn't fun. Explains why in nearly all my classes, women were less than 10% of enrolment. Its only in the past 15 years that women finally started to figure this out. What you are seeing is the result of these conscious decisions made a couple of decades ago.
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