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What do you guys consider to be innaproppriate behavior between a friend and a significant other? Sometimes I feel that my best friend and boyfriend seem to be flirting. We all hang out in the same friend group, and there's a natural amount of messing around with each other. (e.g. smacking each other on the ass, teasing, touchiness, etc.)
Yet I feel like it happens more between him and her, especially the ass smacking. I don't want to be overly jealous or paranoid but it bothers me. Should it? My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now, and everything else is fine. I really like him. I'm just not sure where the line between normal playfullness and unnatural flirtation is drawn. Your thoughts and experiences in this area would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Do you really think there is anything going on between you and your best friend? Does your inner voice say there is a problem here or not? How well do you trust both of them?
In general, there is probably nothing to it and I wouldn't worry about it. But this is your boyfriend and this is your best friend. You know them better than me. Someone I dated and someone I considered a best friend wouldn't screw me over, so I wouldn't worry about them. But if you have reason to have a different view of your best friend and your boyfriend, well that is a different matter.
Maybe you need to steer your friendships in a different direction. My husband and I have many, many friends - yet none of us have ever smacked each other's asses or had any touchy-feely going on. Everyone is very respectful of each other's boundaries and nobody invades anybody's personal space. Thus, none of us ever have to wonder if there is anything going on with any member of our circle of friends.
If your gut instinct is that there is something going on, there may be. You aren't having those feelings for nothing.
How old roughly are you, your boyfriend and your best friend?
If you are in your 40's this type of behavior is probably less common than if you are still in college or high school.
We're all still in college, so it's not very strange for us to kind of kid each other...but there's something about how they do it. There seems to be this need for intimacy. For instance, he may reach his hand out, and she'll take it, or he'll patt his lap and she'll sit down. Yet at the same time I'm sitting next to him and he has an arm around me. Overall, he's far more attentive to me, but the attention he does give her feels too flirty. It makes me uncomfortable but, again, I'm not sure if I'm over reacting.
I like your point about listening to my inner voice though. I guess it is saying something is up or I wouldn't be so worried about it.
People need attention. Your best friend may safe getting it from your boyfriend well because you are her best friend and she is only doing it in your presence. In her mind essentially its all ok because you are there and its all above ground. Your boyfriend probably thinks of it again as permissive because you are there and he is getting attention from two women.
If you are feeling uncomfortable, when you are alone with either of them, talk to them. With people you are close about its okay to share feelings. You don't have to create a lot of drama, just say you know how when we are all hanging out with you and my boyfriend, sometimes when you are being too touchy feely I feel a little uncomfortable, can you tone it down a little. Then tell your boyfriend when you are alone with him the same thing.
People need attention. Your best friend may safe getting it from your boyfriend well because you are her best friend and she is only doing it in your presence. In her mind essentially its all ok because you are there and its all above ground. Your boyfriend probably thinks of it again as permissive because you are there and he is getting attention from two women.
If you are feeling uncomfortable, when you are alone with either of them, talk to them. With people you are close about its okay to share feelings. You don't have to create a lot of drama, just say you know how when we are all hanging out with you and my boyfriend, sometimes when you are being too touchy feely I feel a little uncomfortable, can you tone it down a little. Then tell your boyfriend when you are alone with him the same thing.
My friend doesn't have a boyfriend and isn't interested in having one, but she does really like attention. It's not that I think anything would really happen between the two, but it feels like she wants him to want her. It's an ego boost to have my boyfriend liking her. This is all my speculation though. I tend to get overly worked up about things, and I know I should probably just talk to them separately, but I've been afraid of sounding crazy or like the stereotypical jealous girlfriend. I guess I've also been waiting to see if it would stop, and it hasn't.
It just hurts though that my boyfriend would want to flirt with her...maybe I idealize things too much but I know that I would never flirt with one of his friends (sitting on a lap, hand holding, etc.) the way he does with her. I should just talk to them both but its hard because I still doubt my self, and wonder if my worries are ridiculous. Though after reading these responses I'm starting to see that I should lay out my boundaries.
I thought you were getting divorced from your "husband".
By gut instinct are you referring that she is heavy set and lead by her stomach??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes
If your gut instinct is that there is something going on, there may be. You aren't having those feelings for nothing.
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