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Unread 03-03-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
523 posts, read 1,809,534 times
Reputation: 336
Default Have any of you used a professional matchmaking service?

I'm a 32 year old, single female. I haven't had a boyfriend for a few years and I am ready for a long-term, meaningful relationship. I am a very active, involved person, in general so I'm out and about, not holed up in my house. I do a lot of things on a very regular basis such as club activities, taking classes, volunteer work, going to the park with my dog, going to parties and bars with friends. I have also tried online dating and asked friend/co-workers to set me up but I'm still on my own.

I have gone on dates with many guys (mostly those who I've met online) but usually there just isn't a mutual level of attraction physically, mentally, or a emotionally and quite a few of the men aren't interested in a long-term relationship.

I'm thinking now that maybe I should just shell out the $1,000 or $2,000 (not sure how much these things cost) for a professional matchmaking service. I'm worried about such a large monetary commitment, though, for something that no one I know has tried. Has anyone on here tried it? What did you think? Was it worth the money?

Last edited by Anu2; 03-03-2009 at 12:47 PM..

 
Unread 03-03-2009, 12:39 PM
 
417 posts, read 720,363 times
Reputation: 184
Anu, I (or any else I know) never tried this service. My marriage was arranged too but through matrimonial services (Shaadi.com). They did charge but it was no way closer to $1000...it was i think about $150 if I still remember it correct.
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 09:32 PM
 
Location: south east and wanting to move.
23 posts, read 48,200 times
Reputation: 28
Interesting question for a 32 year old female who has never married and says she hasn't had a boyfriend in years. I say interesting because females, if not completely repulsive, should have ZERO problems finding a suitable mate by the time they are 32. For the remainder of this response I will assume you do not fall into the 'completely repulsive' category as that is a different issue altogether.

I notice that you say "there just isn't a mutual level of attraction physically, mentally, or emotionally". I'm pretty good at reading between the lines and its interesting that you list 'physically' first, before mentally and emotionally. Not typical for a female to do that. Are you saying in all your 32 years you just don't ever see "10's", because its obvious that's what you're looking for. Perfectionist are we? If continued, it is very clear where this path will lead you: the 50 year old cat woman. Nobody is perfect and as much as you don't want to settle, you must learn to do just that. Does that mean settle on awful? Of course not! It simply means settling on someone that isn't a '10', because a 10 doesn't exist.

As far as numbers go, I have a pretty simple equation. The equation pretty much tells me whether I'm settling too much or exactly where that line is drawn. I call it the 30/21 rule. It goes like this: there are 30 total points and they consist of (a) 10 points for the personality/inside, (b) 10 points for the face, and (c) 10 points for the body. When sizing someone up, I'd hope to find someone that 'scores' at least 21 points total which is an average of 7 points per category (remember, we have to SETTLE here...ha). Also, somebody can score a 5 in a category, AT THE LOWEST, but that obviously means it must be made up in another category so that the total doesn't go below 21. Remember, 21 is the minimum; the ideal is between 21 and 30. How often do you think I see '30's'? Never. Which is about as often as you see them, hence your current situation. Again, one must be realistic or one will be alone for the rest of their life.

I think most people would *ideally* want a '10', heck who wouldn't? And I don't think that's being superficial to want that either. But most people would *also* want a billion dollars. The chances of someone attaining either of those is next to nil, which is what I think you'll end up finding out, hopefully before its too late. The funny thing is even if you have attained those billion dollars (think Donald Trump), even HE hasn't been all that happy in regards to relationships. Huh? you might say. Yes, he has discussed the difficulties and frustrations in finding someone. But wait, he's loaded. So what! Here's the killer point here: EVEN IF A '10' WILL WANT TO BE WITH HIS OLD BUTT (because he's loaded), IT STILL NEVER WORKS OUT. Because the physicality only goes and lasts so long. She may have been pretty, but they're not compatible.

What makes you think that "shelling out $1,000 or $2,000" to a matchmaking service is going to equate in them bringing your prince (think '10') on a silver plate? You are asking the impossible, and money cant buy it either. Whats a little self destructive is that you are burning up all your young years only causing it to be that much harder finding someone when you are older and do not look as youthful as you may have used to.

With all that said, ask ANY happily married couple that has been together over 10 years how important the looks are IN REGARDS TO MAKING THE MARRIAGE LAST. It's not the key. Compatibility is the key. You may have had too little relationship experience in the past to not realize this simple, but important point.

As for your comment "quite a few of the men aren't interested in a long-term relationship", I'm having a little bit of a hard time with that one, especially at the age bracket of guys you are most likely seeing. Sure, everybody knows there are the typical guys that just want to have fun and not seriously date, but when most guys find the right girl, someone they are very into, they will usually want to stay with that person. And when guys are 30 or more, they are usually over the 'I don't want anything serious' phase. I'm in my mid-30's and I never even went through anything even related to that phase. I have known guys that were going through that phase and as soon as they met someone they actually liked, they stopped that lifestyle and settled down with the girl. Its like they were just waiting for that person to come along and then they put all their past behind them.

In no way do I want any of this to sound too stringent, but I think you are a bit off track with no signs of deviating. Just seems like someone should say the obvious to you, but you have no one around to do that because no one is good enough.
: )
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,571 posts, read 3,066,469 times
Reputation: 1292
I've used a professional matchmaker. It's been great. I think it's for a more serious search. I'm older than you - but when I was your age, I was very busy putting my business life together - it was very difficult to meet someone who I was interested in a relationship with. I suggest you try a professional matchmaker. Best wishes!
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:26 PM
 
900 posts, read 734,583 times
Reputation: 471
I , on the other hand, suggest you do not. If you must, research online and see what you're getting yourself into. A lot of ripoffs out there.
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
42,168 posts, read 48,588,523 times
Reputation: 33340
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3pointone4 View Post
Interesting question for a 32 year old female who has never married and says she hasn't had a boyfriend in years. I say interesting because females, if not completely repulsive, should have ZERO problems finding a suitable mate by the time they are 32. For the remainder of this response I will assume you do not fall into the 'completely repulsive' category as that is a different issue altogether.

I notice that you say "there just isn't a mutual level of attraction physically, mentally, or emotionally". I'm pretty good at reading between the lines and its interesting that you list 'physically' first, before mentally and emotionally. Not typical for a female to do that. Are you saying in all your 32 years you just don't ever see "10's", because its obvious that's what you're looking for. Perfectionist are we? If continued, it is very clear where this path will lead you: the 50 year old cat woman. Nobody is perfect and as much as you don't want to settle, you must learn to do just that. Does that mean settle on awful? Of course not! It simply means settling on someone that isn't a '10', because a 10 doesn't exist.

As far as numbers go, I have a pretty simple equation. The equation pretty much tells me whether I'm settling too much or exactly where that line is drawn. I call it the 30/21 rule. It goes like this: there are 30 total points and they consist of (a) 10 points for the personality/inside, (b) 10 points for the face, and (c) 10 points for the body. When sizing someone up, I'd hope to find someone that 'scores' at least 21 points total which is an average of 7 points per category (remember, we have to SETTLE here...ha). Also, somebody can score a 5 in a category, AT THE LOWEST, but that obviously means it must be made up in another category so that the total doesn't go below 21. Remember, 21 is the minimum; the ideal is between 21 and 30. How often do you think I see '30's'? Never. Which is about as often as you see them, hence your current situation. Again, one must be realistic or one will be alone for the rest of their life.

I think most people would *ideally* want a '10', heck who wouldn't? And I don't think that's being superficial to want that either. But most people would *also* want a billion dollars. The chances of someone attaining either of those is next to nil, which is what I think you'll end up finding out, hopefully before its too late. The funny thing is even if you have attained those billion dollars (think Donald Trump), even HE hasn't been all that happy in regards to relationships. Huh? you might say. Yes, he has discussed the difficulties and frustrations in finding someone. But wait, he's loaded. So what! Here's the killer point here: EVEN IF A '10' WILL WANT TO BE WITH HIS OLD BUTT (because he's loaded), IT STILL NEVER WORKS OUT. Because the physicality only goes and lasts so long. She may have been pretty, but they're not compatible.

What makes you think that "shelling out $1,000 or $2,000" to a matchmaking service is going to equate in them bringing your prince (think '10') on a silver plate? You are asking the impossible, and money cant buy it either. Whats a little self destructive is that you are burning up all your young years only causing it to be that much harder finding someone when you are older and do not look as youthful as you may have used to.

With all that said, ask ANY happily married couple that has been together over 10 years how important the looks are IN REGARDS TO MAKING THE MARRIAGE LAST. It's not the key. Compatibility is the key. You may have had too little relationship experience in the past to not realize this simple, but important point.

As for your comment "quite a few of the men aren't interested in a long-term relationship", I'm having a little bit of a hard time with that one, especially at the age bracket of guys you are most likely seeing. Sure, everybody knows there are the typical guys that just want to have fun and not seriously date, but when most guys find the right girl, someone they are very into, they will usually want to stay with that person. And when guys are 30 or more, they are usually over the 'I don't want anything serious' phase. I'm in my mid-30's and I never even went through anything even related to that phase. I have known guys that were going through that phase and as soon as they met someone they actually liked, they stopped that lifestyle and settled down with the girl. Its like they were just waiting for that person to come along and then they put all their past behind them.

In no way do I want any of this to sound too stringent, but I think you are a bit off track with no signs of deviating. Just seems like someone should say the obvious to you, but you have no one around to do that because no one is good enough.
: )
I don't think she said anything about a guy having to be a "10" to qualify You came across a little harsh, don't you think?

I don't see anything wrong with what she wrote that she's looking for. And a GOOD matchmaking service would focus on compatibility above all else, which you yourself say is so key to a good relationship. If she's got the extra cash and wants to give this a try, I say go for it!
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:42 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 15,406,778 times
Reputation: 7207
3point, the OP asked if anyone had used a professional matchmaker not for a dissection.
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:45 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
42,168 posts, read 48,588,523 times
Reputation: 33340
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
3point, the OP asked if anyone had used a professional matchmaker not for a dissection.
LOL, exactly what I was thinking!!

Anu, I think I remember reading about a very successful matchmaker in the South Park area of Charlotte. If I can find the link I'll post it
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:51 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 15,406,778 times
Reputation: 7207
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
LOL, exactly what I was thinking!!

Anu, I think I remember reading about a very successful matchmaker in the South Park area of Charlotte. If I can find the link I'll post it
There is a television show about a matchmaker... Can't recall the title...
 
Unread 03-05-2009, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 48,862,941 times
Reputation: 22645
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
3point, the OP asked if anyone had used a professional matchmaker not for a dissection.
Lordie! Silly me thought math was used only in defining beauty and perhaps on the 1-10 scale... There are some elaborate formulas here! Almost like the decorating/dressing 60-30-10 formula.
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