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Old 03-06-2009, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,461,043 times
Reputation: 683

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Wow hey there fella. I am about as male as it gets and cheated for emotional reasons. There are no excuses for cheating only factors that lead to ones decisions!

 
Old 03-06-2009, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,461,043 times
Reputation: 683
looks like we are moving up the break up with the other woman. I am meeting her in 20 mins to end it. Wish me luck.
 
Old 03-06-2009, 03:53 PM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,178,769 times
Reputation: 9258
Good luck Boneheaded. It sounds like you are doing the right thing!
 
Old 03-06-2009, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,678,055 times
Reputation: 4535
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
People (men and women both) who enter into a commitment like marriage and then go outside the marriage and CHEAT, are liars and adulterers. Their personal motivation for doing so doesn't matter at all.
You cheat, your a liar and an adulterer. Its NEVER ok.

Stop looking for an excuse to hide behind.
Right on
 
Old 03-06-2009, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,678,055 times
Reputation: 4535
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
looks like we are moving up the break up with the other woman. I am meeting her in 20 mins to end it. Wish me luck.
Good for you - you're doing the right thing. I hope everything turns out alright.
 
Old 03-06-2009, 05:03 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 3,080,816 times
Reputation: 926
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Boneheaded,

After reading your account of what happened with your wife, I sympathize. But what you said suggests that your wife was suffering from severe depression. It's one thing if she was just ignoring you, but to ignore her kids and friends suggests something far more serious was wrong. I've suffered from depression myself. I know that it can be bad enough where you can't find enjoyment in anything but it's not so severe that you can't function. You can get up, go to work, do regular chores, even find the energy for sex, but you find yourself just going through the motions of life. You know you're unhappy, but you can't just snap out of it. After a while, you become used to it, thinking that this is how it'll always be. When someone confronts you, you get angry at them for making you feel worse than you already do. That might explain why she wasn't on birth control the second time she got pregnant. People who are depressed sometimes just forget the routine things like taking a pill. And if she was busy at work, she might've mistaken her feelings of sadness for fatigue.

EXCELLENT post (sorry I can't rep you again soon). Just what I was thinking. ~ Mearth, M.A. clinical psych
 
Old 03-06-2009, 05:04 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 3,080,816 times
Reputation: 926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
Your right but I know I can not win custody. My wife is a half step from being a bad mother. There is NO way I can leave them in her care just to make my life happier. I would have left years ago if I thought I could win a custody battle.
And being a cheater makes YOU a good FATHER? Humph!
 
Old 03-06-2009, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 30,873,312 times
Reputation: 6637
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
People who enter into a marriage and refuse to be involved emotionally or choose work over family, or hide behind self confidence issues and deny intimacy. Are just as guilty. I don't know your details and don't assume you are at fault for the troubles in the marriage.

How can you comment as if I am looking to hide behind anything? Can you fix a problem without acknowledging an origin? Can you prevent it from recurring without examining all of the factors that contributed. It is too easy for "victims" of cheaters to say they would never.

The title of the thread says it all.

For those deemed the victim most collectively share emotional responses. For those deemed the "Liar Cheater Adulterer, everything that lead up to the break down in the marriage is now void all that matters is YOU CHEATED. Communication is A number one for a marriage to work. I am hoping I can salvage mine. If you have been on either side you know the pain associated. I hope all of you reading this can gain some sort of insight. Maybe even walk away with the motivation to keep your partner happy. Never take them for granted. Never think I can always been nice tomorrow. My grandfather had a short term affair in the first ten years of his marriage. They worked through everything. They had been married 67 years when he died. The only way it lasts that long is for both parties to try. My grandmother told me their story when I went to her with advice. She had simply come to think he was there no matter what. Had taken for granted everything that made them click in the beginning. She said she felt betrayed then angry saying it was not my fault. She said after a bit she began to realize he would not have even been looking at anyone else, had she worked as hard to keep his attention as she did to get it in the first place. Likewise my grandfather rededicated his time to his family and wife. It is funny how history repeats itself.
Then when all else failed, marriage counseling etc. why not get a divorce?

Your still pointing the finger at someone else to justify your own wrong doing. Take responsibility, you are an adulterer by definition.
 
Old 03-07-2009, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,678,055 times
Reputation: 4535
Boneheaded, how did it end up going last night?
 
Old 03-07-2009, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,391 posts, read 29,507,074 times
Reputation: 14480
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
If you want the entire story read the"Want to hear from serial cheaters/womanizers" thread and the "girlfriend can't leave her hubby" thread.

I have been doing a ton of introspection in an attempt to fix issues in my life. In reading countless forums on relationships I have found a huge amount misinformation.

Not all cheaters are looking for an ego stroke.
Not all cheaters are womanizers.
Not all cheaters do it to hurt their SO's.
Not all cheaters are sex addicts.
Not all cheaters are cold heartless people.

Have a few to add?

Do you disagree?

Do you really think everyone who cheats fits into an easily definable category?

Do you think all the people doing the cheating are happy to be doing it?
There are a few they fit into:

All cheaters are untrustworthy
All cheaters fail to keep their word/vows
All cheaters are lacking morally (otherwise they'd be trustworthy and keep their vows or, have the decency to leave BEFORE they cheat).
All cheaters disrespect their spouses/SO's (If they respected them, they'd leave first then move on to someone else)

I don't care why they cheat. IMO, they're worthless because they cheat so who cares why they cheat. There's no excuse for cheating. If you want someone else, get out of the relationship you're in first. Have some consideration for your spouse. They don't deserve to be treated like that no matter what they did.
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