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Old 03-08-2009, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,441 posts, read 4,861,597 times
Reputation: 2205

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A cheater does not love the lord.

 
Old 03-08-2009, 02:50 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,226,782 times
Reputation: 7511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
The responses posted are starting to sound so repetitive. Do you guys even read more than the last 2 posts before you cast judgment. I have said countless times it is wrong dadadada.
No offense, but it sounds like you're upset that people here don't agree with you. If the posts sounds repetitive, it's because to many of us, it sounds like you're rationalizing. You know what you did was wrong, but you continue to defend it by saying your wife was guilty of emotional abandonment. But to many of us, that's not a valid reason to cheat and if we keep posting that, it's only because you keep posting that it's a good reason. You act as if you had no choice. But you did. Maybe not a good one, but far better than cheating.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
Really, are you sure about that? How do you know? Someone else's personal experiences may be a little be different.

Well, it's always would have been kinder if a spouse dissolved the relationship instead of treating their partner like crap -- of course, adultery being only one of the many ways a person can be treated like crap.
Yeah, but adultry happens to be one married people actually pledged not to do. Not that not pledging not to do something justifies it but you expect people to, at least, live up to what they promised before God and family not to do. If they can't manage that, what can they manage to do?

It hurts because it destroys a marriage. The vows mean nothing after an affair. It's painful to know you meant less than nothing to your spouse. That they didn't care if they hurt you or not, or worse, meant to hurt you. That he/she didn't even consider your kids (if you have them). Trust is gone because once you realize you were stupid to have ever trusted the cheater, you can never trust them again. It's hard realizing that you've been played for a fool by someone you cared about enough to marry and, most likely, have kids with.

Besides beating or killing your spouse, I can't think of a worse way to accomplish treating them like crap. If your goal is to treat your spouse and kids like crap, an affair will accomplish that with misery and long term emotional issues to spare. It shoudl come as no surprise that people hold a cheater in distain. They're not exactly someone you'd hold up and respect.

Yes there are other ways to treat a spouse like crap but they don't compare.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-08-2009 at 03:08 PM..
 
Old 03-08-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
No offense, but it sounds like you're upset that people here don't agree with you. If the posts sounds repetitive, it's because to many of us, it sounds like you're rationalizing. You know what you did was wrong, but you continue to defend it by saying your wife was guilty of emotional abandonment. But to many of us, that's not a valid reason to cheat and if we keep posting that, it's only because you keep posting that it's a good reason. You act as if you had no choice. But you did. Maybe not a good one, but far better than cheating.
I find it kind of comical, in a sad way, when adults use the "devil made me do it" excuse. Part of being an adult is being responsible for our own choices yet so many blame everyone but the person who actually made the decision.

I really feel bad for spouses who have to deal with the blame game on top of having been cheated on. Talk about adding insult to injury. I'm so glad my husband didn't go there. I'm also, eternally, grateful he thought enough of me to leave first.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 3,094,943 times
Reputation: 926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I find it kind of comical, in a sad way, when adults use the "devil made me do it" excuse. Part of being an adult is being responsible for our own choices yet so many blame everyone but the person who actually made the decision.

I really feel bad for spouses who have to deal with the blame game on top of having been cheated on. Talk about adding insult to injury. I'm so glad my husband didn't go there. I'm also, eternally, grateful he thought enough of me to leave first.
Any behavior that hijacks the instant gratification/pleasure center of the brain - sex, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, etc. - turns the person into someone who can't be reasoned with, and will defy all logic to not take responsibility for themselves.

Once any of these things becomes a part of a relationship, it is better to leave sooner rather than later, because the way the brain works, it will only get worse.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 05:06 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 4,939,282 times
Reputation: 3848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yeah, but adultry happens to be one married people actually pledged not to do. Not that not pledging not to do something justifies it but you expect people to, at least, live up to what they promised before God and family not to do. If they can't manage that, what can they manage to do?
Actually, it's not the only pledge involved in a marriage. Loving your spouse is another, if memory serves.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
It hurts because it destroys a marriage. The vows mean nothing after an affair. It's painful to know you meant less than nothing to your spouse. That they didn't care if they hurt you or not, or worse, meant to hurt you. That he/she didn't even consider your kids (if you have them). Trust is gone because once you realize you were stupid to have ever trusted the cheater, you can never trust them again. It's hard realizing that you've been played for a fool by someone you cared about enough to marry and, most likely, have kids with.
True, but other things destroy a marriage too -- and other things are painful also because they are meant to hurt, and they abuse the spouse's trust.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Besides beating or killing your spouse, I can't think of a worse way to accomplish treating them like crap.
I can.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes there are other ways to treat a spouse like crap but they don't compare.
Of course. Abandoning a spouse who's been diagnosed with cancer, dumping her in a hospital and going on his merry way -- then pumping everyone in sight for sympathy once she dies -- that doesn't even remotely compare. Just an example.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
Actually, it's not the only pledge involved in a marriage. Loving your spouse is another, if memory serves.

True, but other things destroy a marriage too -- and other things are painful also because they are meant to hurt, and they abuse the spouse's trust.

I can.

Of course. Abandoning a spouse who's been diagnosed with cancer, dumping her in a hospital and going on his merry way -- then pumping everyone in sight for sympathy once she dies -- that doesn't even remotely compare. Just an example.
You're right. Having an affair does not show love for your spouse either. So I guess that's two vows broken at one time. So is the vow to cherish so make that three. Never mind, make that four because honor went out the window too. You'd think the cheater would leave once they reached the point they wanted to break all of their vows. I really don't get staying once you're to that point. What's the sense in that? When you're to the point you no longer love, honor or cherish your spouse and you no longer care about the vows you took before God and family, it's time to leave. It's only a matter of time before you're found out and then everyone is hurt including your kids. I don't know why people want that.

I'm not saying other things can't destroy a marriage. They most certainly can. Affairs just do it so efficiently and inflict so much pain all at once. They're kind of the nuclear bomb of marriage destruction. If you really want to end your marriage and make sure your spouse and your kids are as hurt as they can be by your doing so, just have an affair first. I could never do it. Seeing others in pain brings me no joy and I'd be ashamed of what I did. I wouldn't be proud of walking out first but there are degrees of shame. It's more honest to leave first.

There are lots of ways to treat a spouse like crap but that doesn't justify affairs or make them any less painful. Personally, I'd take having my husband leave me because I was sick over him having an affair. At least I could think that maybe it was just that he couldn't deal with the magnitude of the sitaution. Not that it's right but you can, kind of, understand where someone might be overwhelmed by a serious illness and have a nervous breakdown because of it. I would hope I'd to better than that in that situation but I've seen more than one situation where I wondered how the caregiver remained standing. It can be a lot to take. Hopefully, you find help from others to help you cope in that situation. Choosing to cheat on your spouse does not compare. That is a deliberate choice made when leaving first was an option but they simply didn't care enough to spare their spouse and kids the pain.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,550 posts, read 2,959,445 times
Reputation: 1217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Jack22 View Post
A cheater does not love the lord.
King David cheated and murdered to have Bathsheba because he got a married woman pregnant. The Lord sent a Prophet to let him know he has sinned using a parable. David repented and God said he was a man after his own heart.

Boneheaded needs a break from you all..he already repented. Put the breaks on it.
 
Old 03-08-2009, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mearth View Post
Any behavior that hijacks the instant gratification/pleasure center of the brain - sex, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, etc. - turns the person into someone who can't be reasoned with, and will defy all logic to not take responsibility for themselves.

Once any of these things becomes a part of a relationship, it is better to leave sooner rather than later, because the way the brain works, it will only get worse.
I agree. When you care more about instant gratification than your family, it's time to go. But that does get in the way of instant gratification doesn't it? That whole divorce process would delay the gratifiction and we can't have that, can we?

What has this world come to?
 
Old 03-08-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyewrist View Post
King David cheated and murdered to have Bathsheba because he got a married woman pregnant. The Lord sent a Prophet to let him know he has sinned using a parable. David repented and God said he was a man after his own heart.

Boneheaded needs a break from you all..he already repented. Put the breaks on it.
And what was the price God required for David's sin? I believe it was the life of David's son. Sadly, children often pay for the sins of their parents.

So much pain can be caused by not honoring your vows.
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