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Old 03-05-2009, 09:24 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,054 posts, read 9,119,593 times
Reputation: 7916

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Now this is my own personal opinion here. I believe that there are four kinds of people in life.

1. The serial cheater. This man or woman will cheat no matter what, no matter how good they got it. Monogamy is just not for them. Nothing wrong with not being into monogamy, just remain single for the rest of the populations sake please.

2. The one hit wonder. This man or woman at one point in their life, maybe when they are feeling low, will get caught up in a moment and cheat. It's a one time thing, they deeply regret it and never do it again in their lifetime. These types of things should be swept under the carpet and put behind you.

3. The lonely cheater. This man or woman does not want to cheat, never in a million years thought they would cheat, they themselves despise cheaters, yet, they find themselves in an affair. Like you said, not out of vengeance, not to purposely hurt anyone, not for sex. I think they are desperately lonely. Maybe they have been neglected by their spouses, sex or intimacy has been withheld. This feeling usually progresses over years of being in a bad marriage where nobody attempts to fix the problems and communication has ended. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but these affairs are probably the most common. I have seen it over the years with friends and acquaintances. It's a shame most people let their marriages get this bad. Loneliness can make the most noble person do weird things.

4. The last person just will not cheat no matter what.
Right on!

 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 13,185,478 times
Reputation: 12215
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
How do you mean that?
I've seen nothing but honesty in his posts. Yeah, maybe we don't like what he said or what he has done, maybe some people are cringing, but I'm not him, so I don't understand it. He realizes he has a problem and is trying to work on it. I don't think he needs to sit on here and apologize over and over again to us.
 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,995 posts, read 12,927,286 times
Reputation: 5300
There is NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON to cheat.
 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 13,185,478 times
Reputation: 12215
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeeaholic View Post
Wow - the best post I have seen on the subject yet! Kudos!
Thanks, just my opinion, but I'm sure the a$$ whoopins on Mona are about to begin
 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 13,185,478 times
Reputation: 12215
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
There is NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON to cheat.
Uh, yes there is kitty cat. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 1,848,909 times
Reputation: 660
IMHO there really is no good reason to cheat. There are however a ton of people in the third category of Mona's list who find themselves doing something they know is wrong. BTW I was not really apologizing. I was trying to make it clear I don't condone it. Maybe I was not clear on what I wanted to say. Imagine that right. A guy in a marriage like mine having communication issues. (I hope the sarcasm is evident.) Not trying to be rude just thought it was funny.

The hardest part of this is too let go of my friend. I know I can not remain friends with her and not be in a relationship with her. I don't want to loose the safety and convenience of a confidant. So when we meet sunday it will be over. Wish me luck.
 
Old 03-05-2009, 09:55 AM
 
1,020 posts, read 1,592,100 times
Reputation: 634
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Now this is my own personal opinion here. I believe that there are four kinds of people in life.

1. The serial cheater. This man or woman will cheat no matter what, no matter how good they got it. Monogamy is just not for them. Nothing wrong with not being into monogamy, just remain single for the rest of the populations sake please.

2. The one hit wonder. This man or woman at one point in their life, maybe when they are feeling low, will get caught up in a moment and cheat. It's a one time thing, they deeply regret it and never do it again in their lifetime. These types of things should be swept under the carpet and put behind you.

3. The lonely cheater. This man or woman does not want to cheat, never in a million years thought they would cheat, they themselves despise cheaters, yet, they find themselves in an affair. Like you said, not out of vengeance, not to purposely hurt anyone, not for sex. I think they are desperately lonely. Maybe they have been neglected by their spouses, sex or intimacy has been withheld. This feeling usually progresses over years of being in a bad marriage where nobody attempts to fix the problems and communication has ended. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but these affairs are probably the most common. I have seen it over the years with friends and acquaintances. It's a shame most people let their marriages get this bad. Loneliness can make the most noble person do weird things.

4. The last person just will not cheat no matter what.

Mona,

My issue with your list is that it puts the blame on the victim of the cheating, and puts no owness on the cheater themselves (it gives off an aura of "not my fault"/pity me).

For a man/woman to go out, engage in conversation, plan and excute cheating on one spouse takes a lot of energy. This energy which would normally be supressed by the cheater towards their partner.

I have heard stories about women having these romantic getaways with their guy on the side, and the same with men spending googobs of money on their affair, but are a piece of $hit at home, want nothing from their spouse, and reverse their anger that they have for themselves (for the cheating) and target it towards their families.

In my opinion, a person (man or woman) who can cheat on a spouse, and the still knowlingly come home and play house, is a cold blooded sorry character. They deserve no excuses, or easy way outs
 
Old 03-05-2009, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 1,848,909 times
Reputation: 660
Mona, myself and others have said countless times; IT IS WRONG. I don't blame my wife for my cheating. I do think she has blame in our deteriorated marriage. Two different issues.
 
Old 03-05-2009, 10:05 AM
 
1,020 posts, read 1,592,100 times
Reputation: 634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
Mona, myself and others have said countless times; IT IS WRONG. I don't blame my wife for my cheating. I do think she has blame in our deteriorated marriage. Two different issues.

It is really?

I bet you contemplated cheating, long before you actually did the deed. When you began drifting away from YOUR reality, which was wife, kids, mortgage, work and began living this dream (cheating, fun, sex, more sex), It was only a matter of time before you were out of there. I bet you can pinpoint the deterioration of your marriage around that time, when you stopped really caring if she got hurt if she were to find out

Now imagine if you channeled that energy into fixing your marriage, before you cheated. I don't want to come off as judgemental, because we have all thought about dipping out on our spouses before, but comparing that fun towards what you lose (trust, financial, etc) its not worth it.

Whatever made it worth it to you, has been there for a while and may still be lingering
 
Old 03-05-2009, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,995 posts, read 12,927,286 times
Reputation: 5300
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Uh, yes there is kitty cat. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
And amanda0808.
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