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Old 03-09-2009, 08:17 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,307 posts, read 15,124,542 times
Reputation: 10781
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Divorce is also breaking a vow, so there is absolutely no excuse for divorce ever.


unless your sexually or physically abused, but's that just MY personal opinion.
The only three I subscribe to are abuse, breach of promise and adultery. The rest fall under "For better or for worse" and you deal with it.

Most churches make exceptions for abuse and adultery.

 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:19 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,307 posts, read 15,124,542 times
Reputation: 10781
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
That's funny, my vows said until death do we part, not until divorce do we part
So did mine but if your partner intends to cheat, it's more honest to dissolve the marriage first. After all, the act of adultery dissolves the marriage. It's kinder to leave first. Not right as cheating on your spouse never is but kinder.

If you know you're about to destroy your marriage, then leave. The right thing to do would be not have the affair but we're talking people who don't want to do the right thing.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:24 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,307 posts, read 15,124,542 times
Reputation: 10781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
I am not saying this is a tit for tat situation. Or even attempting to place more weight on one than the other. I am simply saying I don't think one can sit atop a pedestal claiming to have no part in the troubled marriage when it takes two. I find it interesting the vow's he broke in your eyes are so much more vile than anything you could have done.(BTW I am not defending the choice to cheat.) I have read up on the thread where you asked for help deciding on if what he did was bad or not. Frankly you filled for divorce. It may have been in bad taste to date too soon, but not cheating at all. Whatever it was that had you filling for divorce should be the concern for you guys. If all you can do is say but he dated while you were filling for divorce the children as glue will only hold so long.

Going back to Mona's list category three is where so many of us fall. We are not the sex addicts out looking for a quick lay.

Sorry MLV last time I swear!
You're right. It's not a tit for tat situation which is why, no matter what your spouse does, you don't cheat.

If you read my posts, you know I filed because he thought he could just walk away and leave me all the bills. I needed the court to step in before I lost the house. I also needed visitation set to that he was required to refrain from drinking when he had the kids. Both took a court order, which, you can't get without filing.

So, yeah, his affair is all MY fault. UGH. How about his for leaving? Not paying the bills? Drinking too much to be responsible for the kids? but most of all his for pulling his pants down. I was just a separated as him, moreso, since I was the one who was left and I kept mine up. Imagine that.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-09-2009 at 08:33 PM..
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:29 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,307 posts, read 15,124,542 times
Reputation: 10781
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
Different. Divorce is releasing yourself from the obilgations of the vows at the same time as breaking them. Cheating doesn't also release you from the obligations.
Well said. Divorce declares your intent to move on. It's the difference between telling someone and lying to them. You really leave when you have an affair. Your partner just doesn't know it and if you're a real cad, you keep sleeping with your spouse and expose them to everything you're exposed to.

If you're to the point you're going to have an affair, you've already checked out of the marriage. Why stay and humiliate your spouse. Unless, of course, it's about humilating your spouse. Seems too many people expect someone else to be responsible for their happiness and when they fail, and they're sure to, they want revenge.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,002 posts, read 7,328,680 times
Reputation: 3335
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
That's funny, my vows said until death do we part, not until divorce do we part
As IvoryTickler pointed out, most churches do make exceptions for adultery. There's a world of difference between admitting "this isn't working out" for whatever reason and simply saying "oh well...I should just cheat because it's no worse than leaving." That's insane.

Divorce may go against your vows....but I stand by my comment that, at the same time as breaking them, it releases you from them. Cheating breaks them without releasing you from them. In addition, cheating is all about lies (i.e. very dishonorable). Please tell me how lying to your spouse fits into those vows that tell you to "honor" him/her.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:56 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 2,309,539 times
Reputation: 920
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
Never mind you are right. I am trying to get everyone to tell me I did the right thing so I can go do it again and end up heart broken again.
Therein lies the issue. The OP is only focused on his OWN heartbreak.

When did empathy become a dead language?
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 12,717,887 times
Reputation: 12200
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
As IvoryTickler pointed out, most churches do make exceptions for adultery. There's a world of difference between admitting "this isn't working out" for whatever reason and simply saying "oh well...I should just cheat because it's no worse than leaving." That's insane.

Divorce may go against your vows....but I stand by my comment that, at the same time as breaking them, it releases you from them. Cheating breaks them without releasing you from them. In addition, cheating is all about lies (i.e. very dishonorable). Please tell me how lying to your spouse fits into those vows that tell you to "honor" him/her.
First of all, I never said go ahead and cheat instead of leaving, please don't put words in my mouth. I didn't even mention cheating, I simply stated divorce is going against my vows. "I promise to love you all the days of my life until death do us part" Also in my vows was "I will willingly and lovingly accept children into my life".

I really don't care about the whole issue, since adultery has not been a part of my marriage. But since someone brought up religion, divorce is not an option in my religion unless the marriage can be proven to have never existed.

And the last time I checked churches are forgiving when someone is truly sorry for their sin. It would be nice if people were forgiving too and could put things behind them and move on.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 08:58 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 2,309,539 times
Reputation: 920
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
That would only bring her more pain.
Better now than later.

She deserves to know EXACTLY the kind of relationship she has with BH so she can make her own decisions about leaving or staying.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 09:03 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 2,309,539 times
Reputation: 920
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
Yes actually she does know. I have allowed my wife to have my email password and she has seen the emails. I have sent received and then blocked from her.

Ivory so much of what you have said to me needs to be said to your hubby. I understand you are hurt and bitter after what happened to you.

I really do wish you luck in your marriage.
Very good.
 
Old 03-09-2009, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 12,717,887 times
Reputation: 12200
I wish y'all could have been around a few years back when the hooker was on here posting. She claimed all of her clientele were married men ONLY and she had long lasting relationships with all of them.

She was something else, you guys would of had a field day with her. I know I did.

Too bad the thread was pulled
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