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Old 03-06-2009, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,121 posts, read 23,918,588 times
Reputation: 12197
Of course, I'm all for ending the current before getting involved in another. Even more emphatic about it once you add children to the mix.

 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:06 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,081,819 times
Reputation: 7224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
You are correct it is not that difficult. I am simply stating that in an environment where there is no other suspicion one would not make the connect or even look for that matter.
All it takes is the spouse to have a tiny hunch and do a little digging. Happened to a friend and when she had her hunch it did not take long to find her husbands plane, hotel and broadway ticket reservations/purchases for him and his girlfriend...not hard at all!
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 1,763,933 times
Reputation: 660
I outed myself. She had no idea over a long term affair. Just goes to show how much attention she gave the relationship.
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:08 PM
 
12,586 posts, read 11,047,689 times
Reputation: 7179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
There is NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON to cheat.

can't agree with you more!
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,486 posts, read 1,608,649 times
Reputation: 1018
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Now this is my own personal opinion here. I believe that there are four kinds of people in life.

1. The serial cheater. This man or woman will cheat no matter what, no matter how good they got it. Monogamy is just not for them. Nothing wrong with not being into monogamy, just remain single for the rest of the populations sake please.

2. The one hit wonder. This man or woman at one point in their life, maybe when they are feeling low, will get caught up in a moment and cheat. It's a one time thing, they deeply regret it and never do it again in their lifetime. These types of things should be swept under the carpet and put behind you.

3. The lonely cheater. This man or woman does not want to cheat, never in a million years thought they would cheat, they themselves despise cheaters, yet, they find themselves in an affair. Like you said, not out of vengeance, not to purposely hurt anyone, not for sex. I think they are desperately lonely. Maybe they have been neglected by their spouses, sex or intimacy has been withheld. This feeling usually progresses over years of being in a bad marriage where nobody attempts to fix the problems and communication has ended. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but these affairs are probably the most common. I have seen it over the years with friends and acquaintances. It's a shame most people let their marriages get this bad. Loneliness can make the most noble person do weird things.

4. The last person just will not cheat no matter what.

She is pretty accurate in her opinion. Growing up with all brothers and their friends, I find that these are the 4 typical types of cheaters; both male and female.

My bro got his girlfriend pregnant( accidently on purpose because she already had one child) over 20 years ago. He decided to live with her all those years (but legally they are common law married) Throughout all those years he cheated on her with different women and she grew depressed because of it. Why did he do this? He never loved her. Why was depressed ? Because she knew he didn't love her and probably she knew she tricked him.
My niece has lived to see this go on.. working long hours to stay away from home, not sleeping together etc. Now I am waiting to see how my niece will turn out because of it--- sad human experiment don't you think? But people do this everyday

So don't get upset with her. Take this information and utilize it because it may be vaulable to you or someone you know in the future.
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:12 PM
 
12,586 posts, read 11,047,689 times
Reputation: 7179
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
I'm a big believer in forgiveness, but I really hate it when people try to excuse infidelity by saying they were weak or had a moment of weakness, but pledge to be stronger in the future. Cheating isn't like giving into temptation when you walk by the vending machine at work. There's a long road from contemplating an affair to actually having one and at any point on that road, you can stop yourself. If you kiss another man or another woman, it's not as if you've reached the point of no return. I'm sorry, but after seeing so many threads about cheating, it feels like it's become so common that it no longer offends people and it should. There's no excuse for it, not even loneliness.
I agree, it ruins trust, takes away the innocence of belief, and anyone who ever told me they were contemplating cheating, I tried to advise them to leave first, cuz it isn't just about them. Cheating has got to be one of the worst self indulgences one can inflict on others. It's about the kids, both parents, relatives, friends, and you put them in a position of taking sides....

It's a disgusting way to live your life...and once trust is broken, there is nothing else.

There is no excuse on God's green earth to cheat. NONE, period! Be a better person and leave first. Then, get on with your life, but if you have kids, shame on you!!!!! Shame on anyone for being so selfish and self imposed.

I was cheated on, and I cannot tell you or begin to describe the despair of it. Awful. It is life changing and people have to stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about the hearts of others. You are altering another person's life, when you cheat. Your breaking their heart...

Last edited by cremebrulee; 03-06-2009 at 12:21 PM..
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:17 PM
 
5,259 posts, read 4,705,467 times
Reputation: 3175
I agree that cheating is wrong, and that it's best to end the relationship. There's nothing wrong with falling out of love or not finding the other person attractive anymore- it happens. But it really shows your lack of character if you string them along for a prolonged period of time and treat them like crap (and cheat) instead of doing the honorable thing and ending it.
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:21 PM
 
12,586 posts, read 11,047,689 times
Reputation: 7179
Quote:
Originally Posted by amanda0808 View Post
i agree that cheating is wrong, and that it's best to end the relationship. There's nothing wrong with falling out of love or not finding the other person attractive anymore- it happens. But it really shows your lack of character if you string them along for a prolonged period of time and treat them like crap (and cheat) instead of doing the honorable thing and ending it.
amen!!!!
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:22 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 3,174,261 times
Reputation: 3732
Cremebrulee and Amanda: What about stringing one's spouse along and treating them like crap without cheating on them? Is there an excuse for that? What about breaking your spouse's heart by simply being utterly indifferent? Is there an excuse for that? What about selfishly doing what you want to do without ever considering your partner's feelings -- just short of cheating -- is there an excuse for that?
 
Old 03-06-2009, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 1,763,933 times
Reputation: 660
amanda are you a mother and a wife? Could you imagine being ignored emotionally and physically over several years? Would you quickly decide to divide mom and dad. Can you not at least see how it happens?

I don't think anyone here is saying it is the answer or even a good thing to do. Look at all of the posts as a learning experience. Take from it what you can.

The more I think about it I am concerned that all of these people openly condemning someone are living like ostriches. Putting your head in the ground and ignoring the one third of the population that cheat will surely end up alarming you when it hits home. Just because you feel that cheating is a NEVER event, don't assume everyone else does. Take the time to keep your marriage open and healthy and you are fine. Do not ignore your partner and assume it can't happen to you.

Last edited by Boneheaded; 03-06-2009 at 12:29 PM.. Reason: After thought
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