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Ivory you really do need to talk it out. I can tell by reading your posts the kids matter alot to you. Staying is only healthy if you are happy. I can not even claim to have made the best choices(please don't think I am condemning you). Please take it from a male in this situation; if you continue to hold in reserve your feelings and heart, he will not feel the connection and will likely stray again. I don't think this is what you want. I do think you are trying to stay guarded so that he can't hurt you again. Should I say I am a fool for believing my wifes vows? I do not think my wife inteded to withdrawl emotionaly. I think she suffered a slightly stronger than mild depression that has gone on un checked for far too long.
Once again GOOD LUCK.
Your wife didn't cheat on you. You have no reason to doubt her vows. I have reason. If he didn't take them seriously the first time, why should I think he does now? Psychologically speaking, it's the first infraction that's the hardest because it breaks your moral code. That's why second marriages end in divorce more often than first marriages. Once you've gone there, it's easier to do it a second time.
Unfortunately, repeat offenses are high for cheaters. How do you believe someone who has already chosen to break a vow he took before God and family? Even our marriage counselor advised against renewing our vows.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-09-2009 at 05:31 PM..
WOW Really what about honor, cherish........ do think it is ok to break one vow and not another?
We've already established that cheating breaks them all.
What about "for better or for worse"? Marriages do go through bad times. However, that is not reason to go breaking all your vows.
Honor is a tough one. If you dishonor your spouse, there are serious issues at hand. What did your wife do to dishonor you that comes, remotely, close to the dishonor you did her?
Love and cherish, tend to wax and wane in marriages, which is why there's a "for better or for worse" clause. That's what keeps you together when you're not even sure you like each other let alone love each other. My grandmother claimed that she fell in and out of love with my grandfather many times over the years. She also claimed love was overrated, lol. But given they had 12 kids, I'm gonna say she didn't think it was THAT overrated, lol.
I am not saying this is a tit for tat situation. Or even attempting to place more weight on one than the other. I am simply saying I don't think one can sit atop a pedestal claiming to have no part in the troubled marriage when it takes two. I find it interesting the vow's he broke in your eyes are so much more vile than anything you could have done.(BTW I am not defending the choice to cheat.) I have read up on the thread where you asked for help deciding on if what he did was bad or not. Frankly you filled for divorce. It may have been in bad taste to date too soon, but not cheating at all. Whatever it was that had you filling for divorce should be the concern for you guys. If all you can do is say but he dated while you were filling for divorce the children as glue will only hold so long.
Going back to Mona's list category three is where so many of us fall. We are not the sex addicts out looking for a quick lay.
Divorce is also breaking a vow, so there is absolutely no excuse for divorce ever.
Different. Divorce is releasing yourself from the obilgations of the vows at the same time as breaking them. Cheating doesn't also release you from the obligations.
Different. Divorce is releasing yourself from the obilgations of the vows at the same time as breaking them. Cheating doesn't also release you from the obligations.
That's funny, my vows said until death do we part, not until divorce do we part
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
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[quote=Boneheaded;7800007]Eyewrist I just ended the affair on friday night. Not beating myself up just missing my friend. Love sucks! Haha J/k.
I'm DONE!
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I'm DONE!